ambiguityone Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 So, I know that this question has been asked a million times. But I'm gonna ask it anyway. So here's some quick background. I have only recently "come out" or really realized that I was attracted to the same sex at 26 years old. On some level, I have always known that something was off, and looking back a lot of pieces are starting to fall into place. Such as forcing myself to pick a "hot guy" to have a crush on in middle and high school. I just thought that I was picky. Now, I'm just confused. Even though I have accepted that I am attracted to women, or at least I'm working on it, I still dream about getting busy with men...but I'm not attracted to men in my waking life. I'm not sure what this means? Help? *Side note, it seems like most people realize their sexuality earlier in life. I just grew up in a very small, conservative town in the south. Being gay or even thinking I was, was not an option. So, it never occurred to me that being gay might be why I felt different.* MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 Hey AmbiguityOne, Welcome to Community! Don't worry about sharing your story, and asking a similar question-- we all have very valid questions! It is understandable why you didn't know exactly what was 'different' about you until now. Growing up in a small town can really affect that! How has your life changed so that you've been able to explore your sexuality more? Are you feeling safe to tell people in your life that you're exploring your sexuality? Research shows that a majority of people don't define themselves as completely gay or straight. Your fantasies can be just that-- you don't have to act on them-- it doesn't have to change your identity around your sexuality. Have you ever had sexual or romantic relationships with men? That may be why your dreams include men-- because that's what you know, physically? Thank you for sharing! Looking forward to hearing more about your journey! -willow MultiQuote Quote This Digital Mentor Account is no longer active. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ambiguityone Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 Thank you for your reply! I have told my best friend, my parents, and my brother. They are the only people I feel comfortable telling. Like I said, I come from a small conservative town and there are many people, including the majority of my family, who would cut me out of their lives. I'm not ready to deal with that yet. Also, no I have never been with a guy. Actually, I have never been with anyone. I have never been on a date much less anything else. almost 27 years single. Which makes my feelings so much more confusing. I just hate that I feel like I am trying to figure this out by myself. I know that it is a very personal journey, but man I wish the road wasn't so dang lonely and isolating. Thank you again for your reply! MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Hey AmbiguityOne, Oh, I'm so glad you have the support system of your best friend, parents, and brother. That's so important because no matter what happens next, you know you have their acceptance. That's huge! Dreams are so interesting!! I wouldn't worry to much about the, though. The fact that you don't have any such fantasies while you're awake is a major indicator that this is not something you'd like to act on. And, sure, down the road, if you want to try that-- that's okay, too!! Some people explore what they're sexuality looks like throughout their whole life! Different people may come into your life and spark different attractions. Is there a tangible reason you've been single? Ooh-- and know-- soooo many of us are working to figure out our sexuality. And sometime words don't describe us, perfectly. The path toward bettering yourself does tend to feel lonesome... Until you find others who are working to better themselves, too! Do you have any access to an LGBTQ+ group/community? -willow MultiQuote Quote This Digital Mentor Account is no longer active. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ambiguityone Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 Hi willow, Thanks for the reassurance! I think I've always been single because I have never been quite sure how I fit into everything. Plus there is a hefty helping of anxiety, depression, and horrible self-esteem. That's an issue that I am constantly working on, or at least attempting to try. Unfortunately, I recently graduated from school and I had to move back in with my parents. So, I am back in an even more conservative city. There aren't many LGBTQ communities in my area. Plus, I'm really not comfortable talking about my sexuality out loud. I feel like I'm going through a phase of deprogramming myself? For almost 27 years, I was 98% sure that I was straight. I feel like I spent a lot of that time programming myself to act and be straight. I don't know if this makes any sense? Thanks for listening. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Hey AmbiguityOne, I'm glad to hear you're working on your anxiety, depression, and self-esteem. What kind of things have you found to be helpful? What kind of things trigger the symptoms/how do they show themselves? I can see why it's lonesome working through this-- I know, for me, I process things better when I'm able to talk out loud about what's going on with me! The de-programming makes sense. That's a great thing to be doing! Here's an article that is a great reminder that where we're at in our sexuality identity exploration is a perfect place to be: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/8-things-know-questioning-sexuality/ -willow MultiQuote Quote This Digital Mentor Account is no longer active. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ambiguityone Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 Hey willow, I appreciate the article! The best thing I can do for myself in the anxiety/depression area is not to isolate myself. Which, as an extremely introverted person with a little bit of social anxiety, can be difficult. These issues usually rear their ugly heads when I'm extremely stressed, feel like I have failed at something, or feel out of control. I am my own worst critic, even at the best of times. But I've been dealing with these issues for at least half of my life, so even at the darkest of times I always know I will come out the other side. The self-esteem issue, well, I've NEVER got a good handle on that particular issue. Once again, thank you so much for talking to me. I really appreciate it. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted July 20, 2018 Share Posted July 20, 2018 Hey AmbiguityOne, It sounds like you're really in tune with your anxiety/depression. Here's another article that might provide info/ideas that may not already know: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/dr-pam-struggling-anxiety/ Yeah- the low self-esteem is a hard thing to conquer! Especially when there's so many things to compare ourselves to. But what if we didn't judge ourselves against others? What would that look like? I'm happy to be here to talk/listen! -willow MultiQuote Quote This Digital Mentor Account is no longer active. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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