Introvert, here!

[sillyme]

I live in a small town. Everyone knows how those are. It's basically a border town near Mexico. Thus, i've learned very quickly, the culture and language.

 

I am a minority. And because of it.. The need for others to feel superior - never stops, regardless of culture. Bullying doesn't stop at any certain age. I've even read where people in Senior Citizen's Homes are yes - being bullied. I did notice that the few minorities like everyone else that lives here have become very subservient in order to get along.

 

If you don't speak, Spanish, and are not of that culture? It's an immediate 'dismissal' of respect, and politeness. If you're attractive? The guys will try to treat you as they have the other cultures.. Pretend they like you? See if they can get in your pants and brag about it to their buddies. Their devotion is to their own. If they show interest? It's usually if they're in groups "cat calling".. Sad, but quite a few ladies i've observed fall for this silliness. Some even get pregnant by them, and live to regret it.

 

I'm sorry, i'm not the type/weak. This happened over many years. I've tried being the same way my whole life, and it did feel well. Trying to be "admired" "center of attention", or fitting into groups did not pan out for me. I hated the gossiping, snitching, hurling insults for no reason, backstabbing, making up lies, cattiness, being with the in-crowd, as well as being subservient within the group in order to get along.

 

I felt a lot a shame, and basically hated myself for saying/doing things i knew were not me, nor the way i was raised. All for the sake of sacrificing one's own self-respect, in order to be in a group.

 

I suppressed the fact that i was highly intelligent, i spoke "stereotypically" in order for others to feel they were more educated. Or for others to say: "That's how they all talk".. I walked around obese, loud and proud in order to be accepted. I even went as far as to almost going into show business as an entertainer/comedian. Making jokes/exploiting my own race in order for other cultures to feel comfortable. Using the "N" word, so that others wouldn't "feel bad" about using it as well.

 

I walked away from all that. And found, respected who i am. And in so doing, i not only mentally changed. But my physical appearance dramatically improved as well. I showed my intelligence in my career choices. Lost the weight, became very fit, etc.

 

My favorite past times to this day, are honoring my introvertism. Reading books, traveling, doing lots of research, staying educated and staying fit.

 

Even with the other minorities, because of my introvertism and lifestyle, and non-conformist thinking, there's a problem. It's a small town to me? But for them, it's all they have. And they will not hesitate to turn on an "outsider" in order to maintain their relationship with the group.

 

Thus, each day i awaken and have to live in this community/culture is a challenge. I hate it sometimes. But i also feel at the end of each day, i did one thing. I did not exploit, or compromise who i am, in order to "belong"..