bisexuwhale Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 Hi so I am a 14 yr old female and I have recently come out to my friends and brother as bi. Before, when I was questioning my sexuality I did do a little research on bi vs pan and decided on bi but now that I have learned more about the community I think I might be pan. Like i would totally be fine with dating someone who doesn't identify with male or female or falls somewhere on the spectrum between the two (you get what I mean it is hard to explain). But I have already come out to others as bi. I mentioned this to my best friend who said that the two r very similar and if I ever met a nb person I could just explain that I'm good with dating but I explained that it is more of a matter of defining myself. Should I try to explain to everyone who I have already told that I am now pan instead or just stick with bi? It's kinda awkward explaining like ?hey whoops I kinda made a mistake I am actually pan!? Any input would be greatly appreciated. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 Hey Bisexuwhale! Awesome to hear about you being able to come out to your friends and brother-- so glad you have the support! The first thing that comes to mind is that you can either say you're pan or bi. I think toward people you have interest in dating, you could say pan (that way no one feels like they can't date you)... and for your family and friends, you could share this new development when you do date someone-- that way they have a reference for learning. But-- in saying this-- if you feel like your friends and family are ready to learn about what "pan" means, then by all means, don't be ashamed of broadening your identity. It's okay for you to continue to learn new things about yourself! That's what helps you grow into your truest you! -willow MultiQuote Quote This Digital Mentor Account is no longer active. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bisexuwhale Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 Hi thanks for your response. I am just afraid that if I start telling people that I decieded on pan now that I have already told them that I am bi that they won't take me seriously. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lizzie Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Hey, Bisexuwhale! I like to live by the phrase "Those who care, don't matter, and those who matter, don't care." People who don't care that you think that you might be pan after identifying as bisexual matter to you and are important, but those who care that you keep switching and who don't take you seriously don't matter to you and aren't important anymore. Cut those toxic people out! tldr; if they don't take you seriously, cut them out cause they're toxic to your mental health. I certainly wouldn't care if someone said they were bi, but then decided they were pan! I hope you work it out, and I hope I worded this right, ~Lizzie MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted July 11, 2018 Share Posted July 11, 2018 Hey BisexuWhale, Your worries are valid-- some people (maybe many people) will not be able to fully comprehend the term "pan," and not understand that you're sexuality is not a black and white situation. I can see why you're worried that people might not accept the shift in label for your sexuality. You're still testing whether "pan" feels right for you.. and if you decide, later, that it's not right, then people might judge you. For me, I feel "bi" is not too far from "pan." Pan is a more 'gender-blind' romantic and sexuality style. It's a progressive term that is newer for people to hear, as the education on gender spreads. It's completely okay that you didn't know you, before, that pan may describe you better. You're learning! And that's incredible. -willow MultiQuote Quote This Digital Mentor Account is no longer active. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinyavenger Posted August 6, 2018 Share Posted August 6, 2018 I think that sexuality is not black-and-white and there is a gray area. However, to help you figure out if you are bi or pan the definition of bi is that you feel sexual/romantic attractions to both genders. The definition of pan is that you feel a sexual/romantic attraction to whoever you want. Pansexuals are not limited to any one gender. They fall in love with boys, girls, trans, genderfluid, and everything in between! Pan is more gender blind and bi is limited attraction to both boys and girls. I hope this helps, I am not good at explaining things. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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