i was cheated on because i am ugly for someone much prettier than me

[shortindiangirl]

what should I do? its been a year and I am still not over it

I am 5 ft tall, indian, dark brown straight hair, normal weight and body, I do not pluck my eyebrows but I pluck my unibrow, dark brown eyes that are round, I do not shave my hand hair and its light, I have a long nose with an ugly bump, I do not have pimples but I have some bumps on my face that are not as visible, I remove my upper lip hair, I have a big forehead, oval face, and 16 year old

please do not avoid giving advice cuz I am just 16......this incident made me hate my looks and I LITERALLY went to BANG MY HEAD cuz I was ugly

I blamed my parents a lot for my ugly looks

[Willow]

Hey ShortIndianGirl,

 

Thank you for bringing this Community. Please know, that you're not alone-- most, if not all, of us have compared ourselves to others and felt insecure about our bodies. It doesn't matter what age we are- we deserve support for overcoming these negative thoughts!

 

I am curious about your relationship-- did they say they cheated because of the way you looked?

 

Here's an article I like to read when I need to be reminded of my beauty:

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/am-i-ugly/

 

Again, thank you for sharing your story-- it's really important to have a safe place to share!

 

 

-willow

[shortindiangirl]

please bear with me cuz this is long

I really need help and I will be really thankful if I get some of your opinions and help

It was quite obvious that he cheated on me because of the following:

she had a better clothing style

her clothes exposed more skin that what mine did

she had a variety of clothes and I had mostly leggings and a shirt and just 2 dresses

she had a lighter yet clearer skin...'.btw she is also indian but she is 3 YEARS OLDER than me and so is my ex who cheated on me

her eyebrows were groomed and threaded

she had highlighted her hair which made it look much prettier because it showed much volume while my hair was natural and I did not do anything new to it

she was about 5'4 and the guy was 5'10 and i am 5'0

she was very commanding and had a sort of bossy and "people always wanted to be around her" attitude

her nails were always manicured and she regularly shaved her arm hair when i did not

and i do not get manicures but i paint them

she was very bold with guys but I am nice to everyone

she used to get attention from the people when I had a smaller but really close friend circle

he said that he felt a "spark" when he started talking to her

that made it obvious that he just lusted for her looks

I could not see him or text him regularly for 1 whole month because I was away for vacation and he had university summer school

he also lied to me first that he wanted to break up because of how hard his studies were

but the reality was that he was with another girl and lusted for her much more than me because she was older than me which made it obvious because she was much cooler than me

she had fuller pinkish red lips than mine which are normal

when i was with him, he told me that he loved me a lot and that i could trust him and that he is really loyal and will never leave me

i believed him

but when he met this girl, he lusted soooo much for her in just moments.....this made him forget me completely

2 days after he broke up with me, he sent a picture of his gf that they both see their future together and were really close and were also holding hands

I asked him who is she

he was like she is his gf and gave his phone to her

she was like 'you were the worst thing that ever happened to him in his life and he never wanted any of this'

the guy told me that i was the best girl he ever met and was really scared that i was going to dump him just like how his ex gfs did in his past

I was really heartbroken because I couldn't even look at any other guy than him

I swear even the most muscular, most rich, most whatever guy could never take his place but then that girl did and he broke his promises and broke my heart

I was crying and I was sleepless for months and I would get up in the middle of the night crying a lot.....then my friends would ask me why my eyes looked puffy the next day

i was sooo horrified and that day he told me that he did not cheat and he kept saying that he missed her kisses after he broke up with me

i replied to him like an idiot and i supported him

i should have blocked his # and deleted him from my life but i kept stopping myself

after 2 and a half weeks, that girl dumped him for another guy

he was upset and made those fake sorries that he made a fault that he cheated on me

then he said "thanks for not leaving me and always being by my side"

like an idiot i said "youre welcome"

i should have ignored him

he told me sorry on one day then the next day he would change back to normal rude attitude

he even lied about his family issues and his friends when we were together

he even lied about how he had a brother who was adopted and had married a girl from a different religion

I believed him like an idiot

now i realize that the fake stories he made were similar to events that happened in some indian movies and i felt so bad and so stupid on why i believed him

i was ignoring soo many red flags

he also told me that the girl who he cheated on me for was someone who would date a new guy each week and went from guy to guy

when the reality was that she dumped my ex only for one other guy and is still with him

I still hate that girl and whenever I think of her, I feel soo insecure, I feel that if I was pretty like her, then I wouldn't have ever been cheated on by any guy

I sometimes feel that I shouldn't date anyone until I am 20 ?.sometimes I feel I shouldn't date anyone until I am 22....sometimes I feel I shouldn't date anyone until I am 26....and most of the time I feel that all guys are like my ex and they are all going to either cheat on me or leave me for a prettier girl or they are going to reject me badly.....sometimes I feel that I should just stay single for the rest of my life because all guys are the same and there is not anyone who will ever like my looks and still no guy has ever approached me

they all are like "u r ugly" then they say they are just joking.....but deep in my heart I know that they are saying the truth

all guys are nice to my friends who are prettier than me and then they completely ignore me and avoid eye contact because I am ugly.....all of them do that

nobody is ever going to love me for who I am cuz I do not look pretty

sometimes I just feel that I should get a whole body surgery to look pretty

I feel that I am never going to find love because all guys are going to cheat on me for someone much prettier just like my ex because at first he said I was super cute when we were a thing but when he found that girl, he forgot me completely.....

he also told me they kissed everyday and that he missed her smell and missed her a lot and was jealous of her bf

he also was acting like he was too hot for me by being rude and not saying thank you to my compliments but he would say "i know" or "yeah"

I later deleted his # and then one day after 2 months he said he was sorry

It was an unknown number so I asked "who is this"

he said his name and he was like "I.....I need to talk to you"

that stutter of "I...I" made everything sound fake

don't you agree?

I just replied with an "ok" at first then I said "k' later

then he was like "I am sorry to annoy you" and put a sad face emoji next to it

then he never texted me and i never texted him and i hope i never see his face in my life

I do not like him anymore.....I hate him a lot but what he did to me makes me cry sometimes

I swear to god that If I ever, hopefully by gods blessings, marry a guy or date a guy, I swear to god I will be the most loyal person because my mind cannot like another man when I have one in my life....I think its really immoral to cheat no matter how much the person loved the other person or how much they were craving for their desires

I really need someones help and I really hope you read this and tell me what to do or any comments or opinions or etc

thank you so much for reading this

[Willow]

Hey there ShortIndianGirl,

 

No worries about the long message! Was it helpful to be able to share all of that information?

 

I've made a list of positive things about you that I have noticed so far:

 

- You are observant.

- You are forgiving.

- You are passionate.

- You are kind.

- You are compassionate.

- You listen.

 

All incredible things!

 

I'm hearing a few things about your worries... I know that it's hard not to compare yourself to others, especially when someone you care about deeply, chooses to break commitments with you. You are perfect exactly how you are-- and it's the things that make you different that are going to bring you success in life.

 

I would love to hear about your hobbies and interests. What are things you are good at?

 

It sounds like you may not know the whole situation. You're angry at this woman, but she is not with your ex. He decided to pursue her... and she may be completely different to you, but he did choose to go to her. His decisions hurt you, and it would be hard to trust him in a romantic way again.

 

Here are some articles I think would be helpful for you to really focus on building your self-esteem. The only person you can be is you... and if you love you, then whether or not someone likes you doesn't matter. The right person will love you without you needing to change to look like what society says is "more beautiful."

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/top-10-tips-of-overcoming-low-self-esteem/

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/embrace-yourself-a-short-guide/

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/10-things-you-need-to-know-about-confidence/

 

Hope this helps.

 

 

-willow

[shortindiangirl]

Thank you so much Willow! I really appreciate it! Honestly I feel like I deserve better than him and I tell myself that he is nothing in front of me, that he doesn't deserve my feelings, that he is not my type, and also that I keep telling myself that I will never talk to him in my life even if it is a matter of life and death. He is not worth my time at all and I can and will find someone 10000 times better than him. Thanks a lot again!

[Willow]

Hey ShortIndianGirl,

 

Yes!! You deserve someone INCREDIBLE! And it's important to have standards for the type of person you will have a romantic/sexual relationship with.

 

Awesome work!

 

 

-willow