bisexuwhale Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 I have come out to my closest friends so far with all positive reactions but after i told one of them, they told me that they have been vaping. We both asked each other not to tell our parents because her parents would freak over her vaping and my parents didnt exactly have a positive reaction over my brother coming out as bi. Now her parents are aware of her vaping(i didnt tell them though) and im afraid that when she finds out that they know that she will think i didnt keep her secret so she wont keep mine anymore. The thought of my parents finding out that im bi terrifies me and im afraid that they will find out. What do i do? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Hey there! Thanks for coming to Community with this - we are here to help you. I'm sorry that your parents didn't have a positive reaction to your brother coming out as bi. Are they okay with your brother's sexuality now? How did that make you feel? If that was a difficult experience for your brother I can understand why this would be a scary prospect. In regard to your friend potentially telling your parents, maybe you can tell her that her parents know she is vaping, and that it wasn't you who told them. Also, you could tell her how scared you are about coming out to your parents, and that you would hate for someone to out you. Parents can sometimes have a bad reaction to their children coming out. This can be for a number of reasons: They are shocked and surprised, so they react negatively (then can often feel guilty later) They may have been raised to have a bad opinion of people who are bisexual or gay, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't accept it It is important that if you are thinking of coming out, that when you do, you should be patient with their responses. As I explained, their response could be due to shock or the way they have been brought up, and it is essential to give them time to process and ask any questions. Also, if you are thinking of coming out, here are some help guides which you may find useful: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/coming-out-homophobic-parents/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/13-tips-coming-out-bisexual/ I hope that this advice is helpful to you and I look forward to hearing from you. Sending positive vibes! -Monsoon MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bisexuwhale Posted June 20, 2018 Author Share Posted June 20, 2018 Hi. Thanks for responding, I just told my brother today that I am bi and so I am hoping that if my parents do find out at least I will have someone in my family I can turn to. My parents don't really talk about him being bi at all. They don't treat him differently but just when he came out they kept asking if he needed to see a therapist and if something had happened to him. My dad kept saying that god didn't create us for us to be bi/gay. He has never really been very religious so this kinda shocked us... When they found out he was bi(they looked through his phone and found out, he didn't tell them) he was so upset over their reaction and so was I. At the time I had known that I was bi but I hadn't really accepted it and wasn't out to anyone but it still felt like they were denying a part of ME even though they were upset about him. I am going to see my friend who I'm afraid is going to out me tomorrow and I am going to explain to her that it is a really hard thing and that I need to come out to them in my own time... Thanks for your help. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 Hey, Thanks for your reply. I'm sorry to hear that your dad reacted like this. Before I came out, my dad told me that he 'doesn't agree with gay people' and this terrified me, and I probably stayed in the closet for longer than I had to. However, despite this, I was sick of living in fear and when I told him, he eventually came around to it. As I said earlier, it is essential to be patient with your parents if they have a bad reaction. It is important to make sure that you engage in open discussion with them about it, no matter how weird their questions may be. It is important to challenge thoughts such as 'do you need. a therapist''. Keep me updated on how it goes. Remember, we are here to help you. Positive vibes-Monsoon MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lizzie Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 May I first say that your username is amazing and I love it! Second off, if your friend blames you, calmly explain that you didn't. there are some articles on de-escalating conflicts. I suggest you check them out. Third, have a secondary place to go in case everything goes south. Have a great day! lizzie MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bisexuwhale Posted June 23, 2018 Author Share Posted June 23, 2018 Thanks, a friends actually gave me the idea for the username. You have all been so helpful and I think it is gonna be all right but I don't think I'm gonna be telling my parents any time soon and I just hope that when my friend finds out that her parents know about her vaping that she won't jump to conclusions and will ask me about it but I guess we will see, I will keep you guys updated! MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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