Is this normal and what do I do?

[urfavekpopstan !]

Hey!

This is probably kind of weird but there is something I just can't get off my mind. So, a few months ago I broke up with my girlfriend for a completely valid reason-she cheated on me with not one, but numerous guys. Here is the thing her ex boyfriend said she cheated on him too and there were so many rumors about her that have been going around, the thing is, I don't believe rumors. I just realized how many red flags there were. Another thing that I can't get over is the fact that she used me, like literally all she would want to do is make out and have sex. Which is normal I guess, but that's literally all she wanted to do. When I tried to get to know her, she would just keep making everything sexual- I took it lightly (probably shouldn't have). So what happened is, someone spread the word that we hooked up, when we were dating? like we were dating not "hooking up" and when my girlfriend found out she thought I was involved in this, then I confronted her about cheating and she obviously denied it (I'm not assuming, I had clear evidence) After all of this, I knew she was just using me for my body and taking advantage of me. Recently, she saw that I changed up (slightly) I got more piercings and dyed my hair or whatever, and now she's flirting with me and I am pretty sure she wants to get back. I know all that she put me through but I have no clue why but I still have a slight crush on her. I still think about her even though I know she is toxic as hell. What should I do?

[Aurora]

12 hours ago, mxhaxnaeem said:

Hey!

This is probably kind of weird but there is something I just can't get off my mind. So, a few months ago I broke up with my girlfriend for a completely valid reason-she cheated on me with not one, but numerous guys. Here is the thing her ex boyfriend said she cheated on him too and there were so many rumors about her that have been going around, the thing is, I don't believe rumors. I just realized how many red flags there were. Another thing that I can't get over is the fact that she used me, like literally all she would want to do is make out and have sex. Which is normal I guess, but that's literally all she wanted to do. When I tried to get to know her, she would just keep making everything sexual- I took it lightly (probably shouldn't have). So what happened is, someone spread the word that we hooked up, when we were dating? like we were dating not "hooking up" and when my girlfriend found out she thought I was involved in this, then I confronted her about cheating and she obviously denied it (I'm not assuming, I had clear evidence) After all of this, I knew she was just using me for my body and taking advantage of me. Recently, she saw that I changed up (slightly) I got more piercings and dyed my hair or whatever, and now she's flirting with me and I am pretty sure she wants to get back. I know all that she put me through but I have no clue why but I still have a slight crush on her. I still think about her even though I know she is toxic as hell. What should I do?

Hi @mxhaxnaeem, I don't think this is weird at all - in fact we've probably all been in a similar situation before. It's totally normal to still have feelings for someone, after you split up from them. Even if they didn't treat you with the respect you deserved and broke your trust. Unfortunately we can't just switch our feelings off and on and it'll probably take a while until your feelings for her will change. From what you are saying, it sounds to me like your ex girlfriend finds it difficult to open up emotionally and maybe isn't ready to have a committed relationship. What do you think? 

You said that she is toxic and what to do.  I've noticed that you give loads of good advise on here, so my advice would be to trust yourself and trust your instinct- you know what is best for you!  

[urfavekpopstan !]

3 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi @mxhaxnaeem, I don't think this is weird at all - in fact we've probably all been in a similar situation before. It's totally normal to still have feelings for someone, after you split up from them. Even if they didn't treat you with the respect you deserved and broke your trust. Unfortunately we can't just switch our feelings off and on and it'll probably take a while until your feelings for her will change. From what you are saying, it sounds to me like your ex girlfriend finds it difficult to open up emotionally and maybe isn't ready to have a committed relationship. What do you think? 

You said that she is toxic and what to do.  I've noticed that you give loads of good advise on here, so my advice would be to trust yourself and trust your instinct- you know what is best for you!  

The thing is, I really don't know what to do, and how you said that she may not be ready for a committed relationship-we talked it out and we were in one but like stuff happens I guess and I cannot control the way someone feels, so I kinda understand where she's coming from?

Edited July 11, 2022 by mxhaxnaeem

[Aurora]

17 hours ago, mxhaxnaeem said:

The thing is, I really don't know what to do, and how you said that she may not be ready for a committed relationship-we talked it out and we were in one but like stuff happens I guess and I cannot control the way someone feels, so I kinda understand where she's coming from?

Don't worry about not knowing what to do. Relationships are often very confusing as we just can't control how we feel or as you said, who someone else feels. When you say, you talked it out, was that before or after you were in a relationship together?  Also, do you mind me asking, what are the most important things to you in a relationship? 

[urfavekpopstan !]

5 hours ago, Aurora said:

Don't worry about not knowing what to do. Relationships are often very confusing as we just can't control how we feel or as you said, who someone else feels. When you say, you talked it out, was that before or after you were in a relationship together?  Also, do you mind me asking, what are the most important things to you in a relationship? 

Hey,

It was both. We made agreements and we made sure we were both fine. The most important thing in a relationship for me would be trust and just a general healthy relationship.