(straight male) got black out drunk and made out with a gay guy.

[muchypeas]

 

so, basically i went out drinking with some friends and kept drinking it got to a really crazy point as i ended up not only doing coke and getting into a fight i didn't even remember but also making out with some gay guy. 

i ended up at his house as i sobered up and decided to go home before anything serious happened because i felt really uncomfortable about the whole thing.

so i have some questions first does this make me gay cos id still like think that im straight as thinking about the incident actually make me physically uncomfortable. 

not to mention was what that guy did an ok thing to do surely not, pretty sure they tell men not to pursue seriously drunk women for this exact reason so why was it ok for this guy to do this to me i feel taken advantaged of and am currently going through a mild case of depression not to trivialise that word or anything but i haven't, other than today, gotten out of my bed to eat and do much of anything. this whole incident is eating a way at me.

just wanted to know if  any of this  makes me definitively queer or if i was just in feeling the way i did about that guy.

 

[Aurora]

2 hours ago, muchypeas said:

so, basically i went out drinking with some friends and kept drinking it got to a really crazy point as i ended up not only doing coke and getting into a fight i didn't even remember but also making out with some gay guy. 

i ended up at his house as i sobered up and decided to go home before anything serious happened because i felt really uncomfortable about the whole thing.

so i have some questions first does this make me gay cos id still like think that im straight as thinking about the incident actually make me physically uncomfortable. 

not to mention was what that guy did an ok thing to do surely not, pretty sure they tell men not to pursue seriously drunk women for this exact reason so why was it ok for this guy to do this to me i feel taken advantaged of and am currently going through a mild case of depression not to trivialise that word or anything but i haven't, other than today, gotten out of my bed to eat and do much of anything. this whole incident is eating a way at me.

just wanted to know if  any of this  makes me definitively queer or if i was just in feeling the way i did about that guy.

Hi @muchypeas, welcome to the Community . I'm Aurora, I'm one of the support mentors here at Ditch the Label and I give advice and support to those that reach out to us. 

Thank you for getting in touch and letting us know what happened and how you are feeling. It sounds like the whole situation has made you very uncomfortable and it's affecting your wellbeing. I'm sorry to hear that. Please know that we are here for you and we can support you through this.

Firstly, I just wanted to let you know that making out with another guy doesn't automatically mean that you are gay. And I totally understand why you are feeling confused after this experience. There are lots of people who might have one or two or even a few sexual experiences with the same sex but still feel straight and that is absolutely fine. Also, our sexuality can be fluid and change from time to tine and that is absolutely fine, too. I would suggest that you trust your own instinct and if you don't feel attracted to guys then this probably means that your sexuality hasn't changed. But of you do notice that you are having feelings for guys that you've not had before then you can always talk to us about it. What do you think?

You were also asking whether what they guy did was ok. I get the impression that you didn't think it was OK and that you felt he was taking advantage of you. Could you maybe explain a bit more what happened and whether you knew each other before that night? Also, do you mind me asking how old the other guy is (and how old you are)? 

[muchypeas]

thank you for the current feedback this help a lot. 

also the man in question i think was around 27 and i am 21 also i dont know who he is or could even pick his face out of a line up. we ended up at his house but i asked to leave and he was constantly being very insistant on me staying even tho i was clearly sobering up and starting to feel really uncomfortable. when we eventually got into his car he was more than sober enough for him to drive mean while i still can't remember his  face. 

i understand that if this issue affects my relationships with my freinds then maybe i need better friends but just in general i feel aweful about how differently people will now preceive mean in my local area as this happened on a night out at my local club feels like my world is collapsing in on itself and having restless nights and just over all am depressed.

come to think of it i also think he was trying to love bomb me why constantly letting me know how attractive he thought i was (as i was sobering up) it all felt very manipulative surely no stranger is to try and make out with someone that was so black out drunk they got into an apparent fight that left me with a black eye i wasn't even aware of. 

admittedly if this was a women i would deffinitly be more lenient with the issue as i am a straight male and am attracted to women. and up untill this point there has been no man in the world i would out right make out with.

also getting showed a video from my friend and him deeming me as bisexual also doesn't help hte confusion since i still feel generally turned off by men. 

[Aurora]

20 hours ago, muchypeas said:

thank you for the current feedback this help a lot. 

also the man in question i think was around 27 and i am 21 also i dont know who he is or could even pick his face out of a line up. we ended up at his house but i asked to leave and he was constantly being very insistant on me staying even tho i was clearly sobering up and starting to feel really uncomfortable. when we eventually got into his car he was more than sober enough for him to drive mean while i still can't remember his  face. 

i understand that if this issue affects my relationships with my freinds then maybe i need better friends but just in general i feel aweful about how differently people will now preceive mean in my local area as this happened on a night out at my local club feels like my world is collapsing in on itself and having restless nights and just over all am depressed.

come to think of it i also think he was trying to love bomb me why constantly letting me know how attractive he thought i was (as i was sobering up) it all felt very manipulative surely no stranger is to try and make out with someone that was so black out drunk they got into an apparent fight that left me with a black eye i wasn't even aware of. 

admittedly if this was a women i would deffinitly be more lenient with the issue as i am a straight male and am attracted to women. and up untill this point there has been no man in the world i would out right make out with.

also getting showed a video from my friend and him deeming me as bisexual also doesn't help hte confusion since i still feel generally turned off by men. 

Hi @muchypeas. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time at the moment. Firstly, I wanted to reassure you again that  your experience with another man does not have to changed the way you feel about your sexuality. In fact you said that you were so drunk at the time that you didn't realise what was going on. It sounds like the man in question may have taken advantage of you being intoxicated and it doesn't sound like you were in a position to give consent to what was happening. And you're absolutely right, this is not OK! 

Your trust and boundaries were breached on that night out and it's totally normal for you to feel confused and to need time to process what has happened. I get the impression that you still see yourself as straight and please know that it's completely up to you and  only you get to decide your sexuality. You  said that you are concerned about how your friends view you now. Have you had a conversation with any of your friends about what happened? And about the fact that you feel that the man in question took advantage of you? Do you think your friends might understand and be able to support you emotionally? 

[muchypeas]

i dont know if they know but im a little worried about talking to them about it. i just feel like this will change the dynamic of our relationship. i can't see them ever believing  me when i tell them after that im still very much straight. feels like this has ruined all my relationships and any possible relationships i might have had with some women can't even talk to anyone im too scared to see what they say.  with every passing day i im comming up with more and more reasons to hate this guy, i don't like feeling like this .

the thing is my friends actually do have a good friend that is probably closer to them than i am but even so i notice subtle ways in which they treat him that aren't necessarily homophobic but just different and the idea of being pigeon-holed into a sexuallity that isnt even my own after one aweful experience seems really unfair. feels like my life is falling apart. 

Edited July 7, 2022 by muchypeas

[urfavekpopstan !]

On 7/5/2022 at 3:48 AM, muchypeas said:

so, basically i went out drinking with some friends and kept drinking it got to a really crazy point as i ended up not only doing coke and getting into a fight i didn't even remember but also making out with some gay guy. 

i ended up at his house as i sobered up and decided to go home before anything serious happened because i felt really uncomfortable about the whole thing.

so i have some questions first does this make me gay cos id still like think that im straight as thinking about the incident actually make me physically uncomfortable. 

not to mention was what that guy did an ok thing to do surely not, pretty sure they tell men not to pursue seriously drunk women for this exact reason so why was it ok for this guy to do this to me i feel taken advantaged of and am currently going through a mild case of depression not to trivialise that word or anything but i haven't, other than today, gotten out of my bed to eat and do much of anything. this whole incident is eating a way at me.

just wanted to know if  any of this  makes me definitively queer or if i was just in feeling the way i did about that guy.

Uhh..that is not okay of the guy. He took advantage of you because you were drunk! did this have a negative affect on you which led to depression? or where there other factors too? But regardless, you deserve to be treated sooo much better and know your worth!! Also, that does not make you gay if you felt uncomfortable about it.

[Aurora]

12 hours ago, muchypeas said:

i dont know if they know but im a little worried about talking to them about it. i just feel like this will change the dynamic of our relationship. i can't see them ever believing  me when i tell them after that im still very much straight. feels like this has ruined all my relationships and any possible relationships i might have had with some women can't even talk to anyone im too scared to see what they say.  with every passing day i im comming up with more and more reasons to hate this guy, i don't like feeling like this .

the thing is my friends actually do have a good friend that is probably closer to them than i am but even so i notice subtle ways in which they treat him that aren't necessarily homophobic but just different and the idea of being pigeon-holed into a sexuallity that isnt even my own after one aweful experience seems really unfair. feels like my life is falling apart. 

I'm really sorry you're feeling like this and that you can't speak to your friends about what happened. It sounds like you could really do with some emotional support at the moment to process what has happened. Please know that we are here for you and you can always talk to us. I also  just wanted to reassure you again, that only you get to decide your sexuality and it's no one else's decision! Do you mind me asking, if you feel very close to your friends? I'm just wondering how good a friend they are, if you feel they are pigeonholing you into something and treating others differently because of their sexuality. What do you think?   Is there anyone else at all, who you could talk to? Maybe a friend who wasn't there that night, who might understand or someone in your family?