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Manipulative Boyfriend Advice


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I think my boyfriend of six months is manipulative and we are in a toxic relationship. I invited him to a movie night event I was hosting at a popular public library in our area. I was able to collaborate with the library so I made sure to tell him three months in advance so he could support me cause this was a big deal for me. He has never been to the library, but I gave him the flyer with all the information the other kids got which said the time, location of the library, and the community room where they were playing the movie. The community room is a big conference room with a big sign on the door so you can’t miss it. I even texted him that day to remind him what time and everything and he promised me he would show multiple times. Once the movie started, he didn’t show up. After about an hour into the movie, I called him and he said he couldn’t make it. He claimed that he gave his mom the wrong name for the library and she had to drive around to find the correct library. Once he got to the library, he apparently looked around it for twenty minutes but could not find the community room. I asked him if he asked one of the librarians working at the front desk but he said he didn’t want to bother them. He then went back to his moms car to let her know he couldn’t find the community room, but she got angry and told him he had to go home. He first apologized to me and blamed it on his mom, but when he heard I was upset and crying, he started to blame me. He said if I had given him better instructions, this wouldn’t have happened, even though I gave him the flyer everyone else got and told him where the community room was located exactly in the library. He said that I clearly didn’t want him to come or else I would have put in more effort, even though I was crying over the phone on how sad and upset I was he didn’t make it to my big event. In the end, he blamed the whole situation on me and refused to let go of it until I apologized to him. He didn’t even bother texting me or calling me when he was in the library for help or anything. In fact, I was the one calling him and texting him for an hour asking where he was. Also, I was able to graduate our grade early, so this was one of our only times to see each other since I graduated early. Could anyone please give me advice and offer their opinion on this situation and confirm that my instinct is valid? I truly love him even though now I don't know if we have true love between us.  I am conflicted on what I should do.

 

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Hey @Gretchen Welcome to the Ditch the Label Community. 😊

I am Daisie a Community Warden and I just wanted to send you a warm welcome. I have read your post and wondered whether you’d like to talk things through with one of our Trained Digital Mentors? I will tag them in so you know who they are and so they can reach out, @Blondie & @Aurora our Trained Digital Mentors give out support and advice 😊

Look forward to seeing you around and if you need anything in the meantime feel free to give me a shout. 😀

Edited by Daisie

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Hi @Gretchen, welcome to the Ditch the Label community 😀. I’m Aurora, and I’m one of the support mentors here that Daisy kindly tagged in her post. I give advice to those who reach out to us. I’m sorry you are having a difficult time with your boyfriend. From what you are saying it sounds like you’re trying to figure out if you’re in a toxic relationship with your boyfriend. I can understand you’re concerned as it sounds like your boyfriend wasn’t there for you, when you needed him, he didn’t consider your feelings and he tried blaming you for it, rather than taking any responsibility himself. I think it’s always good to trust your instincts! If a friend of yours came to you and said that her boyfriend had done what you just told us, what would you say to them?

 

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Thank you, Aurora, for responding! I would probably say to her that she doesn’t deserve someone who treats her like she is a scapegoat and who will love her just as much as they love themself. I would tell her that there are many better men out there who would never guilt her into feeling at fault. 

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