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Toxic Friendship.


happygolarry22
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Hiya,

So I really do not know what else to do…I have a friend who I’ve been friends with for around 5/6 years, but she is so unbelievably toxic that she is now turning me into a toxic friend too.

Our friendship started off well and we had lots of things in common, but she has always made sarcastic/*****y comments about my personality/appearance which have left me feeling like I don’t want to spend anymore time with her. She is also incredibly controlling and always trying to order me around and tell me what I should and shouldn’t be doing, which is so exhausting.

Back in the earlier stages of our friendship, I went on holiday with her a couple of times and these trips confirmed to me that I hate spending time with her, and she makes me feel awful about myself. Ever since (and that was around 4 years ago) I have not been myself around her, I am always reserved and walking on eggshells wondering what she might say next. I have even stopped telling her about important events in my life because I worry about her reaction, only for her to find out later and then get angry that I didn’t tell her. I don’t like how toxic she is making me, and I feel so trapped within this friendship.

She has asked if we can catch-up soon (because to her I think she thinks everything’s normal as she doesn’t see what she’s like) and I said yes because I am just unable to say no. But I am dreading it. I am a people pleaser and have a really difficult time saying no, and this is made even worse when dealing with her.

I want more than anything to end this friendship for good, but I have no idea how to go about it. Because we’ve been ‘friends’ for so long, it’s going to be a real shock to her that I feel like this, and I’m just so scared to say how I feel. I want so desperately to get my life back and feel free, and I can’t even face seeing her one more time. I always make excuses not to meet, but I’m running out of them. Something needs to change.

Any advice would be much appreciated, thank you 🙂

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22 hours ago, happygolarry22 said:

Hiya,

So I really do not know what else to do…I have a friend who I’ve been friends with for around 5/6 years, but she is so unbelievably toxic that she is now turning me into a toxic friend too.

Our friendship started off well and we had lots of things in common, but she has always made sarcastic/*****y comments about my personality/appearance which have left me feeling like I don’t want to spend anymore time with her. She is also incredibly controlling and always trying to order me around and tell me what I should and shouldn’t be doing, which is so exhausting.

Back in the earlier stages of our friendship, I went on holiday with her a couple of times and these trips confirmed to me that I hate spending time with her, and she makes me feel awful about myself. Ever since (and that was around 4 years ago) I have not been myself around her, I am always reserved and walking on eggshells wondering what she might say next. I have even stopped telling her about important events in my life because I worry about her reaction, only for her to find out later and then get angry that I didn’t tell her. I don’t like how toxic she is making me, and I feel so trapped within this friendship.

She has asked if we can catch-up soon (because to her I think she thinks everything’s normal as she doesn’t see what she’s like) and I said yes because I am just unable to say no. But I am dreading it. I am a people pleaser and have a really difficult time saying no, and this is made even worse when dealing with her.

I want more than anything to end this friendship for good, but I have no idea how to go about it. Because we’ve been ‘friends’ for so long, it’s going to be a real shock to her that I feel like this, and I’m just so scared to say how I feel. I want so desperately to get my life back and feel free, and I can’t even face seeing her one more time. I always make excuses not to meet, but I’m running out of them. Something needs to change.

Any advice would be much appreciated, thank you 🙂

 

Hi happygolarry22, I’m Aurora, one of the support mentors here at Ditch the Label. Thank you for opening up about what has been happening with your friend. It sounds like this has been going on for a while now and you’ve realised that she is making you feel bad about yourself, which is not OK. I totally get why you don’t want to be her friend anymore and that you are trying to look after yourself by distancing yourself from her. We’ve got a support article with 8 steps to breaking up with a toxic friend, which you might find helpful? https://www.ditchthelabel.org/8-steps-to-breaking-up-with-a-toxic-friend/ 

Have a look at the article and let me know what you think. If you think it would work for you,  we can go through it together step by step if you like?


 

 

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