Well here I am I guess!

[Monroe]

Hello there! I'm Monroe, I'm from the US, and I use he/him pronouns. I'm a college student and I love politics, reggae, Phoebe Bridgers, tv shows that make me forget there's a life I've been leading otherwise, and doggos. I have one dog, but she's getting old and doesn't want to play with me anymore so I just enjoy her cuteness at this point. I have always known that I go both ways, but I never told anyone and then a year of college happened and.... well I'm kind of wanting to be open about it all of a sudden. I feel like I'm wasting time hiding it, it's holding me back. But I'm realizing identity is a tricky thing, and I have to reshape my worldview a bit to let myself be out. So I figured I'd start off here! Not sure exactly what I want to get from this, I think I just want to test out being entirely honest with my identity... idk let's try! Thanks!

[Daisie]

4 hours ago, Monroe said:

Hello there! I'm Monroe, I'm from the US, and I use he/him pronouns. I'm a college student and I love politics, reggae, Phoebe Bridgers, tv shows that make me forget there's a life I've been leading otherwise, and doggos. I have one dog, but she's getting old and doesn't want to play with me anymore so I just enjoy her cuteness at this point. I have always known that I go both ways, but I never told anyone and then a year of college happened and.... well I'm kind of wanting to be open about it all of a sudden. I feel like I'm wasting time hiding it, it's holding me back. But I'm realizing identity is a tricky thing, and I have to reshape my worldview a bit to let myself be out. So I figured I'd start off here! Not sure exactly what I want to get from this, I think I just want to test out being entirely honest with my identity... idk let's try! Thanks!

Hey @Monroe Welcome to the Community!! 

I am Daisie a Community Warden here on the forums, I really do hope you'll find the forum a safe and positive place with no fear of judgement. If you need any advice or support we are extremely lucky to have fantastic Trained Digital Mentors on hand, I'll tag them in so you know who they are @Blondie

We also have awesome users within our forum, and perhaps you'll come across other members who have shared similar stories and what helped them. 

If you have any questions at all, please feel free to reach out! 

[Blondie]

8 hours ago, Monroe said:

Hello there! I'm Monroe, I'm from the US, and I use he/him pronouns. I'm a college student and I love politics, reggae, Phoebe Bridgers, tv shows that make me forget there's a life I've been leading otherwise, and doggos. I have one dog, but she's getting old and doesn't want to play with me anymore so I just enjoy her cuteness at this point. I have always known that I go both ways, but I never told anyone and then a year of college happened and.... well I'm kind of wanting to be open about it all of a sudden. I feel like I'm wasting time hiding it, it's holding me back. But I'm realizing identity is a tricky thing, and I have to reshape my worldview a bit to let myself be out. So I figured I'd start off here! Not sure exactly what I want to get from this, I think I just want to test out being entirely honest with my identity... idk let's try! Thanks!

Hey there and welcome! I'm Blondie, one of the support mentors.

Congratulations - I think it's great that you want to show your whole authentic self to the world! And it's natural to want to feel free to be yourself and to share that with people you care about. 

I'm interested in what you said "and I have to reshape my worldview a bit to let myself be out" - can you tell me a little more about this?

[Monroe]

19 hours ago, Blondie said:

Hey there and welcome! I'm Blondie, one of the support mentors.

Congratulations - I think it's great that you want to show your whole authentic self to the world! And it's natural to want to feel free to be yourself and to share that with people you care about. 

I'm interested in what you said "and I have to reshape my worldview a bit to let myself be out" - can you tell me a little more about this?

Hi Blondie! Thanks for your response! I really have never come out to anyone and have spent the past few years creating an identity that did not involve being bisexual. I feel like I've grown very comfortable with myself and grown a supportive friend group and lifestyle lately... really the only lingering exception is admitting my sexuality. I guess I've suppressed it from myself and others, and grown into the idea that it's wrong. I let myself believe I'd never come out and I'd always keep it a secret, so I was fine moving on with life and figuring out who I was, knowing that would forever be the exception to my openness. Being open about it would really be a huge shift in terms of how I see myself and my future... a bit scary!! So I don't know how and to what extent to do it.

[Blondie]

42 minutes ago, Monroe said:

Hi Blondie! Thanks for your response! I really have never come out to anyone and have spent the past few years creating an identity that did not involve being bisexual. I feel like I've grown very comfortable with myself and grown a supportive friend group and lifestyle lately... really the only lingering exception is admitting my sexuality. I guess I've suppressed it from myself and others, and grown into the idea that it's wrong. I let myself believe I'd never come out and I'd always keep it a secret, so I was fine moving on with life and figuring out who I was, knowing that would forever be the exception to my openness. Being open about it would really be a huge shift in terms of how I see myself and my future... a bit scary!! So I don't know how and to what extent to do it.

I realise this can be seen as over simplifying things but firstly, let me a voice that reassures you that your sexuality isn't wrong. Although, I can completely understand why this would feel scary but ultimately, being able to be your authentic self will be so freeing!

Sometimes the thought of coming out all at once can feel overwhelming - is there anyone you feel you can trust to come out one to one in your friendship group? Do you have any idea of attitudes towards the LGBTQIA+ community among your friends? Doing it this way can often be far less confronting and then gives you that little extra support when you decide to come out to others.

How would that feel?

[-Leila-]

On 5/29/2022 at 4:21 AM, Monroe said:

Hello there! I'm Monroe, I'm from the US, and I use he/him pronouns. I'm a college student and I love politics, reggae, Phoebe Bridgers, tv shows that make me forget there's a life I've been leading otherwise, and doggos. I have one dog, but she's getting old and doesn't want to play with me anymore so I just enjoy her cuteness at this point. I have always known that I go both ways, but I never told anyone and then a year of college happened and.... well I'm kind of wanting to be open about it all of a sudden. I feel like I'm wasting time hiding it, it's holding me back. But I'm realizing identity is a tricky thing, and I have to reshape my worldview a bit to let myself be out. So I figured I'd start off here! Not sure exactly what I want to get from this, I think I just want to test out being entirely honest with my identity... idk let's try! Thanks!

Hello, Monroe- welcome to the community, so lovely you've joined us! Sending you hugs x

[Monroe]

10 hours ago, Blondie said:

I realise this can be seen as over simplifying things but firstly, let me a voice that reassures you that your sexuality isn't wrong. Although, I can completely understand why this would feel scary but ultimately, being able to be your authentic self will be so freeing!

Sometimes the thought of coming out all at once can feel overwhelming - is there anyone you feel you can trust to come out one to one in your friendship group? Do you have any idea of attitudes towards the LGBTQIA+ community among your friends? Doing it this way can often be far less confronting and then gives you that little extra support when you decide to come out to others.

How would that feel?

Thank you for saying that. There are a few friends who I really want to tell. I'm a bit nervous how they'll react, and I also worry about them fading away. I don't know, it just seems risky. How can I be sure I won't see them start to disappear, you know? As much as I know they love me, it's just a change. I also am really nervous because my best friend is going to be my roommate next year, and I don't want him to be apprehensive about rooming with me. I know he's not homophobic and is going to support me, but I just fear him resenting this.

I've lately been feeling a lot like I want a relationship and haven't had much luck getting into one. I really want to be open so I can let myself try out dating different people, I just have this image of coming out and then people abandoning me, and then I'll still be without a relationship. ACH, it's such a bleak image!! I'm sure reality is far less scary, I just don't know how to overcome my fear. Are there some strategies to work on, or is it more of a rip off the bandaid type situation?

[Blondie]

15 hours ago, Monroe said:

Thank you for saying that. There are a few friends who I really want to tell. I'm a bit nervous how they'll react, and I also worry about them fading away. I don't know, it just seems risky. How can I be sure I won't see them start to disappear, you know? As much as I know they love me, it's just a change. I also am really nervous because my best friend is going to be my roommate next year, and I don't want him to be apprehensive about rooming with me. I know he's not homophobic and is going to support me, but I just fear him resenting this.

I've lately been feeling a lot like I want a relationship and haven't had much luck getting into one. I really want to be open so I can let myself try out dating different people, I just have this image of coming out and then people abandoning me, and then I'll still be without a relationship. ACH, it's such a bleak image!! I'm sure reality is far less scary, I just don't know how to overcome my fear. Are there some strategies to work on, or is it more of a rip off the bandaid type situation?

I completely understand your hesitation - I think we all can struggle with change (whether that's good or bad change) but ultimately you are the same person. You would 'simply' be sharing another part of your life with them. True friends will still be there for you, just as you would if the situation were reversed. It sounds very unlikely that they wouldn't react positively, but if this we're to happen, these probably aren't the kind of people you'd want in your life. You deserve friends who are respectful and supportive.

I think in terms of telling them, you know your friendships the best. You're right, some people prefer to do it all at once so it's out there and done while others prefer the 1:1 approach. If you would normally have bigger chats all together (say for example, someone had news to share) then I would do that.

How does that sound?