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I’m conflicted- and confused


HomerCat    

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My best friend and I have been very close since we were little. But we went to different secondary schools after primary, her to the big state school nearby and me to the small independent school an hour away. She lives across the road but since we go to different schools we don’t get to see each other a lot, but we meet up as much as possible. I saw her tonight and she told me something. She had told our other friend (who goes to my bff’s school) about it and a couple other friends. She said just after Christmas she had self harmed. She says she won’t talk to an adult or teacher, and I get it, they wouldn’t understand, but I’m not always there to protect her and I can’t bear it thinking she’s going through all that. I know what it can lead to, a close family member to me took his life last year, and I can’t lose someone again. I told her I’d send a number that she could call to talk about it anonymously, or even just if she felt like doing it again, but I don’t know. I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do or even if she would call it. But even if I should give her the number, I don’t know which one. It would have to be an anonymous one. But I don’t know if I should tell her mum. Please help. 

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11 hours ago, HomerCat said:

My best friend and I have been very close since we were little. But we went to different secondary schools after primary, her to the big state school nearby and me to the small independent school an hour away. She lives across the road but since we go to different schools we don’t get to see each other a lot, but we meet up as much as possible. I saw her tonight and she told me something. She had told our other friend (who goes to my bff’s school) about it and a couple other friends. She said just after Christmas she had self harmed. She says she won’t talk to an adult or teacher, and I get it, they wouldn’t understand, but I’m not always there to protect her and I can’t bear it thinking she’s going through all that. I know what it can lead to, a close family member to me took his life last year, and I can’t lose someone again. I told her I’d send a number that she could call to talk about it anonymously, or even just if she felt like doing it again, but I don’t know. I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do or even if she would call it. But even if I should give her the number, I don’t know which one. It would have to be an anonymous one. But I don’t know if I should tell her mum. Please help. 

Hey there, this is a tough and scary situation to navigate but you are clearly a great friend and I'm glad that she was able to share with you.

I realise that this is a complex subject but initially I wanted to address a few specific things so I can help you better.

-Do you know if she has continued to self-harm or if this was a one-off situation?

-These numbers below are the best one's to use and confidential:

(UK) The Samaritans - 116 123 (This is a 24/7 service)
(USA) NSPL - 1-800-273-8255 (This is a 24/7 service)
A list of worldwide crisis lines can be found here: https://www.befrienders.org

One main thing to bear in mind when trying to decide if you should tell others - if at any point you feel that she isn't safe / she is in crisis always reach out to a trusted adult. This isn't in any way being disloyal to your friend - sometimes others have to step in in order to keep people safe and if someone is in crisis they may not be making the best decisions.

Tell her that you're glad she shared with you and remind  her how much you care about her - you may want to ask her if there is anything she would like you to do and remind her that she can come to you.

It's a lot for you to have to deal with so I completely understand why this is so upsetting.

How does this sound as a starting point?

 

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28 minutes ago, Blondie said:

Hey there, this is a tough and scary situation to navigate but you are clearly a great friend and I'm glad that she was able to share with you.

I realise that this is a complex subject but initially I wanted to address a few specific things so I can help you better.

-Do you know if she has continued to self-harm or if this was a one-off situation?

-These numbers below are the best one's to use and confidential:

(UK) The Samaritans - 116 123 (This is a 24/7 service)
(USA) NSPL - 1-800-273-8255 (This is a 24/7 service)
A list of worldwide crisis lines can be found here: https://www.befrienders.org

One main thing to bear in mind when trying to decide if you should tell others - if at any point you feel that she isn't safe / she is in crisis always reach out to a trusted adult. This isn't in any way being disloyal to your friend - sometimes others have to step in in order to keep people safe and if someone is in crisis they may not be making the best decisions.

Tell her that you're glad she shared with you and remind  her how much you care about her - you may want to ask her if there is anything she would like you to do and remind her that she can come to you.

It's a lot for you to have to deal with so I completely understand why this is so upsetting.

How does this sound as a starting point?

Thank you, I’ve since been in touch with a few mental health charities and they have all said the same thing as you, or similar. I think she’s ok, I think it was a one off but I still got her in touch with a mental health line. Thanks a lot x

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3 hours ago, HomerCat said:

Thank you, I’ve since been in touch with a few mental health charities and they have all said the same thing as you, or similar. I think she’s ok, I think it was a one off but I still got her in touch with a mental health line. Thanks a lot x

You’ve done a really good thing - the right thing.

How are you coping as I realise it’s a big thing to have heard?

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19 hours ago, Blondie said:

You’ve done a really good thing - the right thing.

How are you coping as I realise it’s a big thing to have heard?

I think I’m ok, I got her in touch with a mental health charity and she said it really helped. Thank you x

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7 minutes ago, HomerCat said:

I think I’m ok, I got her in touch with a mental health charity and she said it really helped. Thank you x

That's good to hear - remember we're here if you need to check in about this again.

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