why do I feel so bad about not having a partner?

[Yeela]

here is the deal. I am 17 years old. I never kissed someone and wasn't ever in a serious relationship. And it hurts me deeply. I try to convince myself that I am still really young, and that I don't need a partner to feel fulfilled. Ans yet, I feel so lonely, up to the point of trying to force crushes onto myself just for the sake of having a love interest. I still really do want to start a relationship with someone, but am a deeply anxious and introverted person. I don't socialize much out of the limits of my friend group and would gladly try online dating. The problem is that I am 17 and most dating apps start from the age of 18. I'm really impatient about it and would even love to try long distance but don't know where to find websites for that. Please can someone give me some advice? I would be sooooooo greatful! THX

[Daisie]

Hey @Yeela Welcome to the Community! 

I am Daisie a Community Warden here on the forums and I just wanted to drop by and give you a warm welcome, I trust you will find our community a safe and positive space for you.  We do have Trained Mentors on hand to offer support and advice should you need it, although our awesome community users may also reach out with similar experiences too and what helped them. I will tag our Trained Mentors in so you know who they are @Monsoon and @Blondie.

Look forward to seeing you around! 

[Monsoon]

9 hours ago, Yeela said:

here is the deal. I am 17 years old. I never kissed someone and wasn't ever in a serious relationship. And it hurts me deeply. I try to convince myself that I am still really young, and that I don't need a partner to feel fulfilled. Ans yet, I feel so lonely, up to the point of trying to force crushes onto myself just for the sake of having a love interest. I still really do want to start a relationship with someone, but am a deeply anxious and introverted person. I don't socialize much out of the limits of my friend group and would gladly try online dating. The problem is that I am 17 and most dating apps start from the age of 18. I'm really impatient about it and would even love to try long distance but don't know where to find websites for that. Please can someone give me some advice? I would be sooooooo greatful! THX

Hey,

Welcome :)

I'm one of the digital mentors here. Thank you for sharing how you're feeling about dating. I noticed what you said about trying to force crushes, and I'm wondering, how has that been for you? Also, I'm wondering, what are you hoping to get out a relationship?

[Yeela]

1 hour ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Welcome :)

I'm one of the digital mentors here. Thank you for sharing how you're feeling about dating. I noticed what you said about trying to force crushes, and I'm wondering, how has that been for you? Also, I'm wondering, what are you hoping to get out a relationship?

Hi there! Forcing yourself into crushes is really not ALL THAT.  I think that society throughout my entire life made me think that I NEED to have at least one relationship under my belt by the time I'm 20. Even though I do not really think that this is the truth, I can not stress how much I long for that to happen to me. As of now, I am way more interested in finding a female partner, and I am becoming painfully aware of how hard it is to interpert social signals when it comes to realizing if a girl is interested in being your friend or your girlfriend. I am at a loss! I assume I'll get there somehow. BTW I cannot express my excitement over finding a safe platform online that is actually active and isn't a blog that shut down in 2015 or something. I immensely appreciate your response!

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Yeah, I can imagine that it must be a pretty stressful experience to force yourself into a crush; do you think you would ever do it again?

You've picked up on a really important point about the expectations of society; it's hard to resist the pressure of them, and when it's right, it will happen for you, but I completely understand why you would feel the pressures around having a relationship by a certain age. Also, thinking about the social signals for when you fancy someone, I'm wondering, when you've had a crush before, how have you acted around them/treated them? 

[Yeela]

4 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, I can imagine that it must be a pretty stressful experience to force yourself into a crush; do you think you would ever do it again?

You've picked up on a really important point about the expectations of society; it's hard to resist the pressure of them, and when it's right, it will happen for you, but I completely understand why you would feel the pressures around having a relationship by a certain age. Also, thinking about the social signals for when you fancy someone, I'm wondering, when you've had a crush before, how have you acted around them/treated them? 

I recall being quite subtle about it. I made sure that I slip a compliment from time to time, laugh from the jokes they make, smile a lot and make sure that they are feeling safe and okay, by asking them questions about their life and showing real interest!

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Really good answers and that's exactly how many people behave towards their crushes! Do you think you could recognise those in the way that someone might treat you? They could be signs!