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Friend group/girl drama at uni and a boy


Vaish
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Sorry guys, this is going to be long post and rant, but its been bothering me for months and really need some support. I'm new here. Hi, I'm currently studying in my second year at uni. I started living with 8 flatmates since September. At the beginning of the year, me and one of my flatmate (let's call her A) started bonding very quickly and soon became friends during freshers week as I invited her with my friends to go to parties/freshers events together.  A is doing masters. Soon she joined my friend group and we had common friends with me  and my group also joining her coursemates. This wasn't only for freshers, this followed weeks after freshers. Flatmate A started talking to and spending time with two other girls in my house which I was happy about. But towards the end of October, Flatmate A started ditching me completely, making plans with the two other girls behind my back and never inviting me. I did nothing to cause this. I spoke to her about how I felt in a way she wouldn't get offended. Then we made up again. Then suddenly she started leaving me out again after Christmas, by going to parties and stuff and never inviting me. Any plans I made with her and my friends, she would say she's busy, but then make plans with the other girl. She is also acting cold towards me for no reason. I made so much effort to keep the friendship going, I always initiated conversations and plans. Always socialised in the kitchen with A and the other girl. I have done nothing wrong, because I asked A why she is doing this and she said she doesn't have to invite me if she doesn't want to.  This is making me feel down everyday and keeping me up at night thinking about this. When we were friends I felt like I clicked with her and we got really close, which is what I miss.  I don't know how to fix this dilemma. It's also knocking my confidence a bit too. I have other friends too, but with A,  we use to share a unique friendship before all this happened. 

To top this off, during a freshers party, I met a boy in Flatmate A's course.  He is one of her friends. We hit it off that night, started talking and dancing. And we ended up holding hands. And then making out at his place where the after party was. He took me to his room after where we talked and kissed. I liked him too, I developed feelings for him straightaway. He was being intimate with me and telling me he would love to get to know me. But after 4 days, he said he didn't want to take this further and only wanted the one night thing. This broke my heart and I was hurt because I developed feelings for him and he made me feel like he wanted to be with me.  I couldn't get over him no matter how hard I try. So I thought maybe I should start off by trying to be just friends with him first. But I only see him if I am at social gatherings/parties flatmate A organises or is going to.  But now thats not even possible because of A leaving me out. This has been making me feel low. 

 

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Hi there, I'm Blondie one of the support mentors here.

Firstly I want to say that I understand how hurtful this can be but also to reassure you that you deserve to be treated with respect by your friends. It sounds like that respect wasn't given back to you by A. Have you developed other friendships at uni?

The boy you met - it sounds like he's been honest with you which I know isn't the outcome you wanted but I'm wondering if you put more into this due to the situation with A? 

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1 hour ago, Blondie said:

Hi there, I'm Blondie one of the support mentors here.

Firstly I want to say that I understand how hurtful this can be but also to reassure you that you deserve to be treated with respect by your friends. It sounds like that respect wasn't given back to you by A. Have you developed other friendships at uni?

The boy you met - it sounds like he's been honest with you which I know isn't the outcome you wanted but I'm wondering if you put more into this due to the situation with A? 

With the boy I met, it’s a whole separate thing and has nothing to do with the situation with A. I’ve just been aiming to be just friends with him first. He is a friend of A and I only see him if we hang out in a group, which A doesn’t invite me to anymore.

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38 minutes ago, Vaish said:

With the boy I met, it’s a whole separate thing and has nothing to do with the situation with A. I’ve just been aiming to be just friends with him first. He is a friend of A and I only see him if we hang out in a group, which A doesn’t invite me to anymore.

Thank you for clarifying. Have you developed any other friendships away from the group with A?

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27 minutes ago, Blondie said:

Thank you for clarifying. Have you developed any other friendships away from the group with A?

Yes, my other group of friends which I mentioned already. Before the situation, A joined my other friend group and we all mixed together.

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6 hours ago, Vaish said:

Yes, my other group of friends which I mentioned already. Before the situation, A joined my other friend group and we all mixed together.

It can be really hard when things like this happen and we don't always get answers as to 'why' which is frustrating.

I'd definitely suggest putting your energy arranging to see some of the people within your group (without including A) - it sounds like these are worth your time to invest in. You don't even have to mention anything about A but use this time to strengthen other friendships and that respect you. 

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