Introducing myself!

[jebberjabber]

Hello! I'm Jeb, and I'm from England, although I've lived in New Zealand for most of my life so far. I go by he/him pronouns. I'm 18 years old (newly able to buy alcohol!) and currently I'm waiting to go to university in September.

I love to read, write, and play videogames. I mostly write short stories, but I have a novel-length work-in-progress, and I use poetry as a way to cope with different feelings, stressful moments, or just to write down what's happened in my daily life. I'm going to study English Literature and Creative Writing at uni - it's always been my favourite school subject. I also like History, Geography and Biology. 

I have a cat, her name is Pavlova but she lives in New Zealand with the rest of my family - it's been difficult to leave home, especially moving so far away - and I miss them all a lot.

I'm here because I'm very confused. I always thought I was straight, because I've always had crushes on girls and my only ever romantic relationship was with a girl. I had a crush (it felt like a crush, but I tried to deny/repress it) on a straight guy friend a couple years ago, and in the last couple of years  I've become more aware of an attraction to guys. I thought all straight guys thought other guys were attractive, and that fantasizing romantically sometimes about guys was just normal and not talked about. Now I'm not so sure. I think I still like girls, but honestly recent events have me questioning a lot of things. I guess I came here to find out the truth of what's happening to me, and talk to someone above all. Somebody who might understand me.

Sorry for the rambling intro! If there's a 'best place' to ask for people who might understand me, please let me know. I'm kind of overwhelmed by all of this.

 

[Hazard]

Hi Jeb! Just want give you a welcome to DTL! I find it pretty cool that you're going to study English Literature and Creative Writing .  I'm going to tag in @Monsoon and @Blondie to help you out with your sexuality as well.

[Monsoon]

9 hours ago, jebberjabber said:

Hello! I'm Jeb, and I'm from England, although I've lived in New Zealand for most of my life so far. I go by he/him pronouns. I'm 18 years old (newly able to buy alcohol!) and currently I'm waiting to go to university in September.

I love to read, write, and play videogames. I mostly write short stories, but I have a novel-length work-in-progress, and I use poetry as a way to cope with different feelings, stressful moments, or just to write down what's happened in my daily life. I'm going to study English Literature and Creative Writing at uni - it's always been my favourite school subject. I also like History, Geography and Biology. 

I have a cat, her name is Pavlova but she lives in New Zealand with the rest of my family - it's been difficult to leave home, especially moving so far away - and I miss them all a lot.

I'm here because I'm very confused. I always thought I was straight, because I've always had crushes on girls and my only ever romantic relationship was with a girl. I had a crush (it felt like a crush, but I tried to deny/repress it) on a straight guy friend a couple years ago, and in the last couple of years  I've become more aware of an attraction to guys. I thought all straight guys thought other guys were attractive, and that fantasizing romantically sometimes about guys was just normal and not talked about. Now I'm not so sure. I think I still like girls, but honestly recent events have me questioning a lot of things. I guess I came here to find out the truth of what's happening to me, and talk to someone above all. Somebody who might understand me.

Sorry for the rambling intro! If there's a 'best place' to ask for people who might understand me, please let me know. I'm kind of overwhelmed by all of this.

Hey @jebberjabber

Welcome to the Ditch the Label community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give support to the community users here :)

Thank you for opening up to us about your feelings towards guys. I can really sense the confusion and feeling of being overwhelmed in what you have said, and I just want you to know that we are here for you; you're not alone in this :) 

I'm wondering, what do you think needs to happen to find the truth of what's happening to you? What would help you to confirm your sexuality? 

[jebberjabber]

4 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @jebberjabber

Welcome to the Ditch the Label community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give support to the community users here :)

Thank you for opening up to us about your feelings towards guys. I can really sense the confusion and feeling of being overwhelmed in what you have said, and I just want you to know that we are here for you; you're not alone in this :) 

I'm wondering, what do you think needs to happen to find the truth of what's happening to you? What would help you to confirm your sexuality? 

Thanks  for the warm welcome! Much appreciated :)

I'm not really sure what I need to be honest: this whole 'thing' has happened quite late on. I always thought I was something or someone else, and the last few days have sort of made me confront these feelings I tried to bury. I'd just like somewhere or someone to explain it all to, write it all down and see if anyone knows what to do. I'd like to meet people who could relate to what I'm going through, whatever this is called.

[Hazard]

4 hours ago, jebberjabber said:

Thanks  for the warm welcome! Much appreciated :)

I'm not really sure what I need to be honest: this whole 'thing' has happened quite late on. I always thought I was something or someone else, and the last few days have sort of made me confront these feelings I tried to bury. I'd just like somewhere or someone to explain it all to, write it all down and see if anyone knows what to do. I'd like to meet people who could relate to what I'm going through, whatever this is called.

Hey, If you want to share some of this, @Monsoon and I can try and help as best we can. 

[jebberjabber]

12 minutes ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Hey, If you want to share some of this, @Monsoon and I can try and help as best we can. 

I'd rather make a thread in the Sexuality sub-forum for it if that's okay? Just to keep things relatively in check, and also to separate it from an introduction, if you get what I mean. Would it be okay if I created that thread later and linked it here? Or would you rather I discuss it here in this thread?

[Hazard]

28 minutes ago, jebberjabber said:

I'd rather make a thread in the Sexuality sub-forum for it if that's okay? Just to keep things relatively in check, and also to separate it from an introduction, if you get what I mean. Would it be okay if I created that thread later and linked it here? Or would you rather I discuss it here in this thread?

You can start a topic. No need to link it though. I’ll be able to see it. 

[Monsoon]

21 hours ago, jebberjabber said:

Thanks  for the warm welcome! Much appreciated :)

I'm not really sure what I need to be honest: this whole 'thing' has happened quite late on. I always thought I was something or someone else, and the last few days have sort of made me confront these feelings I tried to bury. I'd just like somewhere or someone to explain it all to, write it all down and see if anyone knows what to do. I'd like to meet people who could relate to what I'm going through, whatever this is called.

Hey there,

Yeah, speaking to people who are going through or have been through a similar situation would be really helpful, and hopefully one of our members can jump in and give you some advice. Have you seen our sexuality section? You might find that there are some helpful topics there. I'm wondering, the thoughts and feelings you're having, what do you think they're telling you about your sexuality? 

[jebberjabber]

29 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey thrre,

Yeah, speaking to people who are going through or have been through a similar situation would be really helpful, and hopefully one of our members can jump in and give you some advice. Have you seen our sexuality section? You might find that there are some helpful topics there. I'm wondering, the thoughts and feelings you're having, what do you think they're telling you about your sexuality? 

Yep, I've had a quick look in the Sexuality section and created a post there to better explain my situation :)

I don't know what these thoughts and feelings really mean, or what they're trying to say. On one hand, I'm trying to acknowledge the difference in repressing those emotions and feelings back then versus my more accepting stance now. On the other, I can't help but wonder if it's purely psychological: is it a rebellion against the fact that I don't tend to form long-lasting relationships with friends?  An unhealthy attachment to the male friend/friends I did have? How do I know what I'm feeling is actually real, in other words?

[Monsoon]

10 hours ago, jebberjabber said:

Yep, I've had a quick look in the Sexuality section and created a post there to better explain my situation :)

I don't know what these thoughts and feelings really mean, or what they're trying to say. On one hand, I'm trying to acknowledge the difference in repressing those emotions and feelings back then versus my more accepting stance now. On the other, I can't help but wonder if it's purely psychological: is it a rebellion against the fact that I don't tend to form long-lasting relationships with friends?  An unhealthy attachment to the male friend/friends I did have? How do I know what I'm feeling is actually real, in other words?

Hey there,

I will reply to the post you created to keep it all in one place :)