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How my shit day went with my dad


TOBBEE
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So today I finally got my Eret strawberry dress, and I was sooo excited to try it! I took a shower, washed my hair, put on the dress, and went to show my dad who bought it for me. Keep in mind I am ftm pre-transition. My parents wont let me cut my hair past my shoulders, super Christian and my dad is transphobic. I went to go show him, and you want to know what the first thing this fucker said was? 
“Is that to small?”

”do you beed a size up?” Like im already insecure, why you have to put my body image down like that?  So anyways I was kinda disappointed, then he said, when will you wear that?  I was like wear tf you think im gonna wear it the moon? I was like” school? I can make it look casual.” Bro im so fucking mad rn I want to just- 🔨

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

Welcome. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice to those who reach out :)

I'm sorry to hear about how your feelings were hurt. How are you feeling now that some time has passed? Also, I'm wondering, does he know how you feel about your body? 

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No, he does not know. I am used to comments about my weight and stuff since I have dealt with it for years. See he owns a gym and he is a certified nutritionist, so he gives people workouts and diets and stuff. He is big and buff so I am really scared of him to. He is not abusive, but I am still afraid of what could happen in the future.

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  • Digital Mentor
2 hours ago, TOBBEE said:

No, he does not know. I am used to comments about my weight and stuff since I have dealt with it for years. See he owns a gym and he is a certified nutritionist, so he gives people workouts and diets and stuff. He is big and buff so I am really scared of him to. He is not abusive, but I am still afraid of what could happen in the future.

Hey there,

Can you tell me more about what you fear could happen in the future?

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I love my family, but I fear if I come out it will damage my relationship with them. They wouldn’t treat me the same, disrespect my name and pronouns, or could kick me out as soon as I get to the age. I don’t want to lose my family because of who I am, especially since they are people I depend on  and love and see every day in my life.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

Ah, I'm sorry that it might damage your relationship with them; i can imagine this is really worrying for you. How are you feeling about everything? I think the main thing really is to make sure you're safe, and if coming out could put you in danger, like getting kicked out, then it's really important to wait until you're living independently from them. What do you think? 

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  • Digital Mentor
4 hours ago, TOBBEE said:

A agree. I am still quite young so I am going to wait a few years until I can be ready to move out. I’m a little sad it might come to this, but it’s just the reality of life.

Hey there,

Yeah, it's totally normal to feel sad in this kind of situation, and we are here to help you through whatever you can. This is a difficult experience and it's good to make sure you're getting support where you can. I'm wondering, can you tell me more about the sadness you feel? What is that like for you? 

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It is like a suppressing feeling, a feeling like I can’t be myself or breath. A panic attack inducing situation. I constantly feel like walls are closing in and there is no point to life.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

Yeah, that suppressed feeling really makes sense with not being able to come out at this point. I can imagine that you might feel a bit stuck in one place which is a completely normal feeling. I noticed what you said about there being no point to life, and I just want to check, are you safe? It kind of sounds like you might not want to live anymore; maybe I read it wrong, but I thought it would be good to check in. Take care and speak soon. 

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Thank you for speaking to me, I am safe. There are very little people who I can speak to, and I only know them online. None of my friends in real life see me as a guy. It just hurts to not be able to talk to anyone.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

Yeah, it's completely normal to feel hurt about this. When we can't talk to anyone, it can make us feel quite lonely and like we might never work through whatever is going on. What do you think about that?

Also, I'm glad to hear you're safe. I just want you to know that you can talk to us, and we will do whatever we can to support you. We've got your back in this. How have you found it speaking to us here? 

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This has been really helpful, and it has helped me stick through it. Recently I have been trying to find therapy places since I can’t even open up to my friends about what I feel.

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I have tried to be more open, but I always just stop myself. 1st, one friend group I feel doesn’t take me seriously, and I always feel like they don’t like me. I’m sure they do, I just feel insecure. My other friend group, is just awkward. We don’t talk much about serious stuff, and one of my friends is a girl, and she like likes me. I just feel mad to even look at her. Is that weird? And last, my best friend, whenever I talk about something serious, she never listens to me. And, on top of that, it’s just hard to open up and talk to people wether I know them good or not.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

Okay, so it sounds like you've had some mixed experiences when you've tried to be more open. That must be pretty frustrating for you when you've opened up to your best friend and she never listens to you; what was that like for you? 

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