coming out?

[Broxen]

Im bisexual, and I have had a girlfriend for about 3 weeks. Should I come out to my mom tonight? (idk her opinion on LGBTQIA+, and  im 99% positive my step dad is homophobic)

[Monsoon]

13 hours ago, Broxen said:

Im bisexual, and I have had a girlfriend for about 3 weeks. Should I come out to my mom tonight? (idk her opinion on LGBTQIA+, and  im 99% positive my step dad is homophobic)

Hey there,

Welcome to the Ditch the Label community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice and support to those who reach out to us. 

I'm wondering, how do you think it will go if you tell them now? How might they react?

[Broxen]

well, I came out to my mom on Friday night, and I told her about my girlfriend on Sunday. she luckily supported both, and i'm very grateful I have her. I have not told my step dad yet though, as I feel he might be homophobic and probably yell at me.

[Monsoon]

5 hours ago, Broxen said:

well, I came out to my mom on Friday night, and I told her about my girlfriend on Sunday. she luckily supported both, and i'm very grateful I have her. I have not told my step dad yet though, as I feel he might be homophobic and probably yell at me.

Hey,

I'm glad she was supported; how are you feeling now you've told her? Also, can you tell me more about why you feel your stepdad might be homophobic? 

[Broxen]

I feel less stressed out now that I told her, and I feel my step dad is homophobic because when he found out my friend was gay, he rolled his eyes and said "that's what they all say"

[Monsoon]

17 hours ago, Broxen said:

I feel less stressed out now that I told her, and I feel my step dad is homophobic because when he found out my friend was gay, he rolled his eyes and said "that's what they all say"

Hey there,

I'm glad you're feeling less stressed since you told her :)

Also, that's an interesting comment from your step-father. Say if we look at that comment from angles, if he wasn't being homophobic, could he have meant anything else in what he said?

[Broxen]

If he wasn't being homophobic, i'm guessing what he meant by that, was "hes only saying hes gay to get closer to you than "straight" boys can"

[Monsoon]

17 hours ago, Broxen said:

If he wasn't being homophobic, i'm guessing what he meant by that, was "hes only saying hes gay to get closer to you than "straight" boys can"

Hey there,

A thought that comes to mind is that he may think a lot of people are confused and say they are LGBTQ+ when they might not be; what do you think? I'm wondering, what's your gut feeling about this; do you think it's homophobia or can it be explained?

[Broxen]

mostly I think it's homophobia, because he wouldn't be accepting the fact, and trying to change who I am by his opinion

[Monsoon]

21 hours ago, Broxen said:

mostly I think it's homophobia, because he wouldn't be accepting the fact, and trying to change who I am by his opinion

Hey,

Can I ask, has he ever said or done anything else that might be homophobic? Also, I'm wondering, even if he has a tricky reaction at first, how do you think it will play out over time? 

[Broxen]

To be honest, he'll probably forget I even told him, he doesn't remember that my friend is gay, and keeps assuming stuff about me and him

[Monsoon]

On 4/9/2022 at 12:29 PM, Broxen said:

To be honest, he'll probably forget I even told him, he doesn't remember that my friend is gay, and keeps assuming stuff about me and him

Hey,

Yeah, I'm wondering, do you think he will be overly concerned about it, or even concerned at all? I think my interpretation of his comment is different than yours; I think people from an older generation can maybe not understand how progressive younger people can be, so it might be coming more from that angle really and just being more of an eye-roll type situation than homophobia. What do you think? 

[Broxen]

I think it could be something like that too, as he treats me like i'm still a little kid that knows nothing about the world.

[Monsoon]

17 hours ago, Broxen said:

I think it could be something like that too, as he treats me like i'm still a little kid that knows nothing about the world.

Hey there,

Yeah, so he might think that children don't know a lot, and that's why he made that comment rather than being homophobic. If that is true, how might you feel about telling him your sexuality? 

[Broxen]

with the way hes been acting lately, he will probably get frustrated, and think its just a phase and tell me I know nothing about the "real world"

[Monsoon]

20 hours ago, Broxen said:

with the way hes been acting lately, he will probably get frustrated, and think its just a phase and tell me I know nothing about the "real world"

Hey there,

I'm wondering, what would be worse, him saying that or having a homophobic reaction? What do you think?

[Broxen]

A homophobic reaction would probably be worse, but him saying that would definitely put me down since that would be like the 4th time hes said the "real world" thing this week.

[Monsoon]

21 hours ago, Broxen said:

A homophobic reaction would probably be worse, but him saying that would definitely put me down since that would be like the 4th time hes said the "real world" thing this week.

Hey,

Yeah, I totally get why it would pull you down. I'm wondering, even if he does react negatively at first, how do you think it might go over time? Do you think he could become more positive? 

[Broxen]

Based on his personality and thought on stuff, probably not, unless he just forgot all about it.

[Monsoon]

Hey,

I'm wondering, can you have a read of this and tell me what you think? https://www.ditchthelabel.org/my-parents-didnt-react-well-to-me-coming-out/

To me, it sounds like he isn't homophobic, but instead, more like he kind of eye rolls at the younger generation when they talk about identities and things like that. However, it's often a real game changer when their child comes out because it forces them to confront their negative views head on, and love is really such a powerful thing. 

[Anonymous_444]

Honestly just do it when you feel you’re ready :)