Hi

[brighteyes]

My nickname is Cam, pronouns are he/they, I'm American, and I'm a writer (mostly just fanfiction rn). What brings me here is that I came out as bi a few years ago and my religious mom and brother rejected that. That happened the same year that I had been sexually assaulted and I felt shamed by someone I trusted who told me that I shouldn't have gone to the police, essentially defending my abuser.

I didn't expect them to say that and I blamed myself. I was afraid to leave my apartment, even to go out and do my laundry, and moved out a few years ago. The cops never got back to me, there was no evidence of the assault, it was treated as a he said/she said thing (I was born female and identified with my gender assigned at birth during that time). 

The landlord couldn't kick my abuser out since the cops didn't/couldn't prove that the assault happened. I'm currently in therapy and trying to heal from that, and I'm healing gradually.

As a result of those massive stressors happening around the same time, I had committed myself to a local psychiatric ward (again) for suicidal thoughts (again), and that all happened within the past four years. I wanted to die, and my point: what brings me here is that the rejection from my family haunts me like a ghost clinging to me. 

I have found family and friends online who have helped, alongside getting my PTSD and other mental health problems treated by my psychiatrist and talking to my therapist helps. I just want to let go of the fact that my mom and brother think that I'm going to hell for being LGBT. They don't know that I struggle with my gender identity, and I don't want them to know.

I'm sorry for the trauma dumping.

 

[Monsoon]

Hey @brighteyes

Thank you for sharing this really personal story with us. I admire how open you are being because I can imagine that these experiences are incredibly difficult to talk about. This is a completely safe space and we will support you non-judgementally :)

I'm glad to hear that you're in therapy and have received other support for your mental health; how are you finding the help you're getting? Also, I just want to say that I'm really sorry to hear about the way your family reacted and the police not being able to prove the assault. I'm wondering, since you came out to your family, has there been any change in the way they view your sexuality? If so, can you tell me more?