My problems :(

[DNA]

Hello everyone, 

I'm Dana , and I'm new to this community,

I wanted help. I'm here because I have a low-self  esteem, I feel so stressed because of it that I have started binge eating.

In top of that I'm gay and I'm not able to come out  to my homophobic parents. I'm so scared. 

I'm just waiting for university (I hope I'll go because when this problems started my grades began to drop) so that I move house, away from my parents.

I dunno what to do, any advice, I feel trapped :(

 

[Monsoon]

Hey Dana,

Thanks for coming to us about this. I totally get that trapped feeling - when we feel like we're in an environment where we can't be ourselves, it can lead to that kind of caged in and closed off feeling, what do you think? I can see that you've mentioned a few things that are going on for you at the moment, and I'm wondering, would you like to start by talking about the issue that's bothering you the most first? I think it can be really helpful to talk about the main problem first because once you start working through that, it can take a lot of weight off your shoulders. Anyway, let me know what you think. Speak soon. 

[DNA]

Hi,

I really want to learn to appreciate my life and myself again, I feel like I'm comparing myself with others all the time, I have also lost weight this summer however I feel like I still look fat and ugly. I dunno if I'm or not, people don't think the same as me, maybe I'm going crazy. 

I really want to be the same girl as I was (as everyone wants)  but I don't feel good with myself, and I don't think I can go back to that energetic and smiley person (My mom would literally attribute all my problems to being gay if she knew). What can I do because I feel that would be my main problem.  

 

 

 

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Thank you for articulating that so well; I really have a clear sense of how you're feeling about your life now and it's really helpful :). From what you've said, I get the sense that there has been a real shift in the way you feel about yourself. I'm wondering, why do you think you started feeling like this? Did something happen to trigger these negative thoughts about yourself? 

[DNA]

When I was young all this things didn't matter to me, but my competitiveness makes me compare myself to be perfect both physically and in my grades.

Another thing would be my mother, she is very strict and gets angry easily, I always remember all the hurtful words she said to me when I was little and It has not change, she still does say those things.

I'm just waiting for university to go away but this year all this problems are messing with myself.

I literally have a panic attack per day, ANYTHING could be the trigger so if my mom talks to me in a bad mood I cannot control myself, an anxious feeling of screaming gets over me when that happens. My heart rate accelerates a lot as my breathing does too. My mom gets really angry and goes on screaming what makes things worse.

I really feel bad, and once that has happened I can not concentrate during the rest of the day that I end up binge eating (what really makes thing worse) 

Because of that I have stopped studying as before, I cannot concentrate.

That's the cicle I'm trapped in :(

 

 

 

 

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Ah, sorry to hear about the panic attacks. It must be pretty intense and difficult to handle with having them everyday. I'm wondering, do you know what to do when you have one? If not, we can give you advice if you'd like? 

I think a lot of anxiety can come from comparing yourself to others; by regularly looking at others and perceiving them to be better, this can leave us is a state of feeling really low about ourselves and then feeling quite a lot of pressure to change. What do you think about that? Also, can I ask, what kinds of things has your mother been saying to you? I appreciate that this might be hard to talk about, but I think that it's good to get this kind of thing off your chest, and talking always helps. Speak soon. 

[DNA]

Ahhhhh, I'm very sad, I'm happy to see you replied, today was not a good day, whatever let's talk, I have nothing to lose.

About the panic attacks I've been trying to relax focusing on my breathing (what the internet says) it doesn't work. 

When it happens only hurtful thoughts come to my mind, I get the urge of hurting myself, ahhh it is so hard to say. I have even bought an anti stress toy, it has helped me the most. Please I need help, I would try anything, I would really appreciate your advice. 

About my mom, each day our relationship is worse. She is a person that forgets easily what she has said unlike me. 

My parents are divorced, and she has compared me to my father (in a derogatory way) many times, my habits, my face, everything (and I really don't like my father he is not a good person) (before I could just forget it, now it really hurts me)

She has called me everything you can imagine, she is not a bad person but her job is stressful because of that she is angry all the time. 

She knows everything that is happening to me, she knows the panic attacks and the binge eating and she hates it. Everytime I'm getting stressed she starts yelling at me saying for example "here we go again, you only give me problems" "fuck you I shouldn't have had children to be like you" "you're pissing me off, you're like your father" "you are a failure" "If you don't stop I will send you to a shrink" "I'm hating you, you're such an asshole" 

My parents have always compared me, they wanted me to be perfect, my grades, myself.  Now I'm paying the consecuences, my life has turned into a nightmare this year, I feel like I really hate myself.

Sorry if the message was too long, I needed to talk with someone, everyone thinks my mother is the best, and she is but none of them live with her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Monsoon]

12 hours ago, DNA said:

Ahhhhh, I'm very sad, I'm happy to see you replied, today was not a good day, whatever let's talk, I have nothing to lose.

About the panic attacks I've been trying to relax focusing on my breathing (what the internet says) it doesn't work. 

When it happens only hurtful thoughts come to my mind, I get the urge of hurting myself, ahhh it is so hard to say. I have even bought an anti stress toy, it has helped me the most. Please I need help, I would try anything, I would really appreciate your advice. 

About my mom, each day our relationship is worse. She is a person that forgets easily what she has said unlike me. 

My parents are divorced, and she has compared me to my father (in a derogatory way) many times, my habits, my face, everything (and I really don't like my father he is not a good person) (before I could just forget it, now it really hurts me)

She has called me everything you can imagine, she is not a bad person but her job is stressful because of that she is angry all the time. 

She knows everything that is happening to me, she knows the panic attacks and the binge eating and she hates it. Everytime I'm getting stressed she starts yelling at me saying for example "here we go again, you only give me problems" "fuck you I shouldn't have had children to be like you" "you're pissing me off, you're like your father" "you are a failure" "If you don't stop I will send you to a shrink" "I'm hating you, you're such an asshole" 

My parents have always compared me, they wanted me to be perfect, my grades, myself.  Now I'm paying the consecuences, my life has turned into a nightmare this year, I feel like I really hate myself.

Sorry if the message was too long, I needed to talk with someone, everyone thinks my mother is the best, and she is but none of them live with her.

Hey there,

I just want you to know that I've sent you a message to check in and continue this conversation.