Im not sure about my sexuality

[Awkward]

Hi, so I'd been questioning my sexuality for a while now, and I've thought about it alot. I'm almost certain that I'm bisexual, but I'm not sure what to do about that because whenever I try to explain how I feel, it feels like I'm lying. I definitely have had crushes on both boys and girls, but there's a small part of me that thinks I'm making it up, so I haven't told anyone yet. I don't want to be a bad person but I also don't want to ignore my own emotions, if that makes any sense. Id been repressing how I felt for a while now so I thought I'd put it on here.  

 

[BabyBi]

I totally feel you! I'm currently in a straight passing  relationship with my first ever bf and have in the past year questioned my sexuality a lot. Earlier this year I had a crush on a friend of the same sex which truly made me question things as I've always identified straight eventhough I've made out with girls before and it wasn't really any different to kissing boys. But then I feel like a fraud saying I'm bisexual because I've only ever slept with a boy and had more crushes on boys as well. Although I've started to think that I've had crushes on girls years ago as well but at the time I thought that they were just super pretty and I wanted to be their friend. I just wish I could stop doubting my sexuality and feeling like I'm making this up for attention or something eventhough I'm 99% sure I'm bi.  I too often spend hours at a time googling bisexuality and doing stupid quizzes.  I guess straight people wouldn't question their sexuality to this extent.

 

I'm not sure if my response helped at all but I just want you to know you're not alone.

[Awkward]

BabyBi, that was helpful, thank you so much, it's really good to know that I'm not alone, especially when stuff like this can get super confusing.

I'm sorry that you've had to go through/are going through this.

I've always had crushes on both boys and girls, but I always brushed off my ones on girls as just wanting to be their friends too. My first ever crush was a girl but that was before I truly understood what sexuality was, and afterwards I thought i could "control my emotions" because I didn't want to have a crush on anyone. I know that sounds stupid but that's what goes on in my head. I feel the same way, I just want to be 100% certain about my sexuality.

Thank you once again tho, it means alot, I hope things get better. Have a good rest of day/night

[BabyBi]

Glad to hear that this made you feel better Awkward! I hope you all the best!

I think that it is easy to brush off attraction to girls especially when you are attracted to boys as well. And things like 'everyone is a bit bisexual' and girls kissing each others at parties being seen as hot by guys make things confusing.  I also wish bisexuality was more and better represented in the media, many series (especially older ones such as the sex and the city) are very biphobic.

Would it help you if you told a close friend about this ? For me it was really helpful when I told about my girl crush& thinking I'm bi to a friend who is LGBTQ+ as well. It made me feel more secure and accepted as bi.  Still saying that I'm bi still feels like I'm lying, but I believe (or hope) that the more you say it,  the truer it will feel. 

I hate that most people will assume that I'm straight because I'm with a boy. I have told a few friends that I'm bisexual but to most not and certainly not my family. I also feel it would be weird to tell my parents as I'm in a longterm relationship and my mom is at least somewhat biphobic and she wouldn't understand. But I don't really want to hide my sexuality either. Do you think I should tell them? 

I also have a friend who thinks you should prove your bisexuality, because it's 'trendy' for girls to be bi.  He's one of the reasons that I don't feel secure about my sexuality and I hate that I let that affect me. I would really like to explore my sexuality with girls, to prove myself I'm 100% bi, but being in a relationship makes that difficult. And before I had dated anyone, no one questioned it when I said I was straight, so why is being bi questioned so much.

Hope you don't mind the long and messy message, I don't really have elsewhere to say all this!

 

[Awkward]

@BabyBi, I totally agree with what you've said. If it was better represented in the media then perhaps it'd be easier to understand our emotions and attractions. I've recently been trying to seek out books with bisexual characters, with a first person point of view to help me. It is confusing, it makes me wonder if I'm making it all up 

I have told one of my friends about questioning my sexuality, but I don't like to bring it up because I feel like it just proves that I'm being attention seeking. Thank you for the advice tho, when I did tell them, and even when I wrote it on here it feels like I got something really heavy if my chest.

People assume that I'm straight as well, which really gets on my nerves because I'm pretty certain that it's not the truth.

I think that even if you're in a straight-passing relationship then you are still bisexual, because it doesn't devalue your attraction to the same sex. If that makes any sense. You should only tell your parents if it's a safe situation to do so. I haven't come out to my parents, they think I'm straight. I'm scared they'll think I'm doing it for attention or they wouldn't believe me. I've almost come out to them before,  they're definitely not homophobic, at least im pretty sure, but they do think I'm too political when I talk about lgbtq+ rights. I don't want to hide my sexuality from them either, so I'm stuck as to what to do. If you are in a safe space to do so and you feel completely comfortable doing so, then you could come out, or talk to your parents about it, but it completely depends on your situation.

I don't think you should have to prove your sexuality. If the attraction is there, it's there right? I know people who say similar things, but honestly it's not true, questioning your sexuality is confusing and frustrating, it's definitely not a trend yet people still say that it is. I also want to explore my sexuality but honestly I'm not sure how. I know how you feel about the being straight not being questioned as well. I'm pretty sure it's because of countless harmful stereotypes and how the media/society portrays sexuality.

I don't mind the long message btw, it's helpful to have someone to talk to when they're going through the same thing. My message is really messy, don't worry, I kinda speed-typed it out.

[BabyBi]

Thanks for your reply! So nice to find someone going through similar problems!

I definitely agree that no one should feel the need to prove their sexuality, but it doesn't stop me from feeling as if I should. Which is really dumb, but feelings aren't rational.

I definitely don't feel comfortable telling my parents I'm bi, though it would be safe for sure. Both of my parents accept homosexuality, but I just think that my mom wouldn't understand bisexuality and why it's important if I'm with a boy anyway.  

I understand the feeling of being attention seeking, I think it comes from the stupid stereotypes of society as well. Even if  you later realise that you identify with a different label, you are not a bad person for saying you are bi. And for me it's been helpful to understand that the attraction to different genders doesn't have to be equal and sometimes you can be more drawn to one than the other and next week it could be different.

I think I need more time to accept my sexual identity and when I do it will be easier to come out.  One of my favourite quotes is: 'the more you love your decisions, the less others have to'.  Although sexuality is definitely not a decision, being sure yourself will make it easier not to care about biphobic comments that are probably inevitable..

[Awkward]

@BabyBi, that's a really good quote, and I agree, it is helpful. I think I would need some more time as well before I came out, just so I can better understand it myself. 

The difference in sexual attraction is the same for me, it really confused me at first, because sometimes I would feel more attracted to boys but then in a short amount of time, I'd suddenly feel more attracted to girls. I thought that meant I was making it up, because I'd been told that sexuality was a constant but that's not true and having different attractions isn't at all a bad thing.

It's definitely easier to understand that Im bot making it up, especially when you realise other people are going through the same thing.

Thank you

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[SSARAS]

I truly understand you, i’m bicurious & i’m honestly struggling because i’m so so confused & it’s hard to keep it to myself because i know i may be into both girl & boys but i’m just not 100% sure yet so i’m still trying to figure it out!!

[Awkward]

@SSARAS,  yeah it can be super hard especially when you can't necessarily talk to anyone about it. I hope it gets better for you.

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