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Toxic Friend


SpiritStone
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Hi! I hope everyone is having a good day!

Im going back to school next week. Last year I had a friend who really didnt act like one. She gossiped about me online, trolls me in games and never have let me talk about myself. She only calls or texts when she needs to use me for something. I dont know if I should stop being friend and how do I do it discreetly. 

Thank you!

Spirit

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @SpiritStone

Thanks for coming to us for advice on this. It sounds like she really didn't treat you well at all. How are you feeling about that? It can be quite upsetting when a friend is so mean to us. I'm wondering, how would you rather do this? Would you rather speak to her and tell her you don't want to be friends, or do you wanna go down the more discreet route? I can help you with both. Speak soon. 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @SpiritStone

Okay, great. So, I think that to do it discreetly, it can be a good idea to talk to them less, maybe even take a while to respond to their messages, and try to hang around with them less frequently as well. What else do you think could work? Phasing someone out gradually is generally the easiest and most discreet way. 

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  • 9 months later...

hello!
 

so school just finished and I just found my passcode for ditch the label. I tried to take your advice throughout the year but they still called me manes and excluded me. Today, I told a close freind and a really close teacher. I feel like i’m alone because I am apparently dumb, wierd, stupid and weak. i hope it stops next year.

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  • Digital Mentor
2 hours ago, SpiritStone said:

hello!
 

so school just finished and I just found my passcode for ditch the label. I tried to take your advice throughout the year but they still called me manes and excluded me. Today, I told a close freind and a really close teacher. I feel like i’m alone because I am apparently dumb, wierd, stupid and weak. i hope it stops next year.

Hi there, I’m sorry to hear this but glad you’ve reached out.

Did the teacher sound like they’d be supportive going forward?

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8 hours ago, SpiritStone said:

yes, she was very supportive.

That’s great as it’s good to know they will be there for you when school is back.

It’s completely understandable that our confidence and self-esteem is affected after going through bullying.

I want to reassure you that you are none of the negative names that you mentioned and you can move forward from this.

Can you tell me one thing that you like about yourself or you think you’re good at? It can literally be anything such as you’re a good listener, you have nice eyes to you’re great at drawing.

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  • Digital Mentor
52 minutes ago, SpiritStone said:

I mean I am good at figure skating 

Oh that’s amazing!

How often do you get to do this? Have you entered competitions?

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56 minutes ago, SpiritStone said:

I practice around 6times a week and I just had a competition last week. I won second place.

That’s so impressive! 
How long have you been skating?

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  • Digital Mentor
3 hours ago, SpiritStone said:

8 years, since I was 5.

It must be wonderful to do something that you love and are good at!

Is it the kind of sport where you meet lots of friends?

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  • Digital Mentor
29 minutes ago, SpiritStone said:

Yes! There are a lot of nice stuff people and they don’t bully me.

I’m glad to hear that. You deserve to be treated nicely and with respect. 
Do you get to hang out, outside of skating?

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  • Digital Mentor
20 hours ago, SpiritStone said:

Not really, most of them are 2 to 3 years older than me.

Hey there,

I'm just wondering, what about the ones who aren't 2-3 years older? What are they like? 

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  • Digital Mentor
20 hours ago, SpiritStone said:

Why not. I could have friends that treat me equally and that are nice!

Hey,

Exactly! Maybe you could think about trying to get to know them more then. What do you think? :) 

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