Coming out to my homophobic dad

[Sophia A]

Hi  i’m Sophia,

My dad is very religious and doesn’t accept the “lifestyle”.  He thinks all sins are equal to each other. For example, he said someone who is a rapist is equal in Gods eyes to someone who is gay. He used that example knowing i was raped. How could he say that? Rapists choose to rape because they are horrible human beings, how is that the same to me loving who i want to love if it’s not a choice? He always says love your neighbor, and love don’t judge, but continues to judge others simply because of their sexuality. I’m scared to come out to my dad, sometimes i think he will send me to the church to pray the gay away, or refuse to talk to me. I’m scared that he won’t accept me for who i am. What should i do? 

[Monsoon]

Hello @Sophia A

Welcome to our community. I'm one of the digital mentors and I give support to those who reach out to us. I'm sorry to hear about your dad's views and how you're scared to come out to him. With coming out, some parents do react badly, but as time goes on, many come around to the idea out of pure love for their child. This can take quite a bit of time though which can be frustrating. Do you think he could accept it eventually? By the way, you might find this support guide helpful for your situation (I know you haven't come out yet, but it explains the reasons for a bad reaction and how to then work through it): https://www.ditchthelabel.org/my-parents-didnt-react-well-to-me-coming-out/

I think that if coming out could put you in danger, then it's best to wait until you're safe, such as being old enough to move out/when you're an adult. What do you think?

Also, I just want to say thank you for being so open with us about your past experience of being abused. Can I ask, did the police get involved? I hope that you aren't in danger from this person now.

I hope to hear back from you soon. Take care.