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Am I Bi or Pan?


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Hello @Honeyberry


Welcome to our support community, glad you found us and hope we can help!


I think it sounds to me like you are pansexual as you feel you could be attracted to someone regardless of their gender or how they identify.


I haven't actually heard that the bisexual community feels that pansexuality is bi-erasure - although I have heard previously that the definitions of pansexuality can be transphobic - but to say that you are attracted to someone regardless of their gender expression is not transphobic. Obviously language is nuanced and the meanings and understandings can change so quickly. So I think the fact that you have taken time to consider the impact of labelling is commendable but don't get too worried about it. Pansexuality is a very widely used term.


If you feel that is the word that best describes your sexuality then use it, but just remember that is is so individual and although labels are a guide for ourselves, and for others, there is still a lot of freedom of self interpretation beneath each of these umbrella terms.


It's okay that you aren't ready to come out to your friends yet, just make the use of online LGBT+ safe spaces like this one to express how you feel and hopefully one of our other members will get back to you soon as well.


Do you feel any less confused? We hope so.



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Yes, thank you so much :)

when I am ready to come out I’ll probably state that I’m bi because there’s a better chance that they understand that more. I wish that someone knew, so that way I don’t feel like I’m lying to everyone that I’m straight.


If you have any tips on how to come out to someone who might not understand, or someone who is against lgbtq+, that would helpful ^^


I think it’s also important that I just state I’m bisexual to them because I haven’t had enough experience in dating and relationships, but I definitely will include pansexuality in the conversation.


Once again thank you so much! You really cleared some things up for me!

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Hey HoneyBerry,


Sorry for only getting back to you just now. I'm glad that Remi helped to clear things up for you - how are you feeling now?


We actually have a helpful support guide here for coming out to people who are anti-LGBTQIA+, but more specifically if they have a bad reaction which overlaps in the advice. Here it is: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/my-parents-didnt-react-well-to-me-coming-out/


There are tips in the guide which you might find helpful. I guess that the main points are to be patient and trust the process. Many people who react badly end up coming around to the news, and there are so many different reasons for bad reactions which once you understand, it can help to make it easier for you to get through. Why don't you have a look through the guide and let me know what you think? :)


I think that even if people do react badly, you will still feel like a massive weight has been lifted off your shoulders s you can hopefully then start living more authentically.


Let me know what your thoughts are - speak soon :)


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Thank you :) this is really helpful, but I’ll probably wait a while before I tell them. I need to make sure this isn’t a phase, and when I find that answer I’ll be sure to use these tips ^^

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