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I'm not sure about my sexuality


Raven    

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Hi, I don't really know how this works, I'm new here but... I have been questioning my sexuality since I'm 16. It started when I kind of got together with my childhood friend but figured I didn't like him in that way. Anyway that's when I started to actually think about who I like to be in a relationship with or who I like in a sexual way. Now I'm nearly 20 and still not sure. I think I don't really mind the gender of a person and I do think about realtionships and stuff with persons of different genders but I wasn't in a romantic/sexual relationship with anybody. So I don't really know what's my sexuality... in the moment I just refer to myself as queer. Any advice or tips?

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https://forums.ditchthelabel.org/topic/1613-im-not-sure-about-my-sexuality/
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Hello there @Raven

 

Welcome to our community, so the way that it works is - you can write whatever you want here, just as long as you don't give any personal info away, and one of our mentors (that's me!) will always get back to you. Our other community members can also hop in and give you advice, or introduce themselves - this is a safe shared space!

 

Please don't think it's not normal to still have a few question marks over your sexuality at your age, I think I was around 26 before I figured my sexuality out, and I find it is still fluid and changing. You don't have to be in any kind of sexual or romantic relationship to identify with a sexuality. The most freeing thing about a sexuality is that you, and no one else gets to define how you feel. Some people that refer to themselves as 'pansexual' have some of the same preferences as you, but I find queer can be a good umbrella term for those within the community that don't want to be pigeon-holed into a label. It's important to note as well, that these labels do not define who you are, and they are simply a guide to help you identify yourself and to identify to others. Sexuality is fluid and is not the same for everyone, no matter if they identify the same way, does that make sense?

 

Only you will have the answer, but try not to worry too much about getting there, it should feel clear to you when you are ready and you will have the answers you are looking for. Who is it that you think about when you think of future relationships?

 

I think you should check out this article we wrote, it has some tips about if you are unsure about what your sexuality might be. https://www.ditchthelabel.org/8-thin...ing-sexuality/.

 

Let us know what you think of it!

 

Remi

 

 

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Hey Remi,

thank you very much for the answer. It does really help to know that I don't have to rush myself and really don't need no label if I don't want to.

 

Future relationships: I have little crushes sometimes and then there are a few people I met at somepoint (mostly school) that I think of from time to time. And like I said these are both men and women. But to be honest, right now I don't really want anything permanent relationship and I'm fine with this.

 

Raven

Hey @Raven

 

I'm glad it helped, sometimes it helps for someone else to give us permission to go easy on ourselves. I think it's great that you've had some crushes already and that you aren't ready to pursue any yet. This is what our 20s are for to explore and enjoy yourself!

 

Remi

 

 

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