Regret

[safdafx]

Hi,

 

I'm a 15-year-old girl from the UK and I think I'm gay- or at least that's what I came out as a year ago. Most people have been quite accepting and it's not bothered me too much in terms of my social life; I even had a couple of relationships. But now, I seem to regret it all. Coming out caused a huge argument in my conservative, Muslim family and I lost trust from those closest to me. It caused others to judge me and not take me seriously or become uncomfortable when I act slightly 'relaxed'. Often, my friends make small jokes about me (about past relationships, crushes or me questioning my sexuality) and I act like I don't care and laugh with them but on the inside, I'm hurt, embarrassed and disturbed. I'm not the emotional type so I haven't told them because they might feel as if I'm restricting them or acting like a wet wipe but it's completely deteriorated my self-confidence.

 

My mind is constantly conflicted: how do I end this and go back to being treated normally?

[Marv]

Hi there!

Right, before anything else, know that you're perfect just as you are, beautiful just as you are, and that no matter what others think of you, you're you.

If it were me, and it was really bothering me, I'd probably get into a conversation, either in person or over text, with the person I trust the most, and try and explain that although I'm happy to talk about it, I'd rather not be joked about because it's something personal to me (you). You may well get to a point one day where you're okay talking about it. In high school, I kept my sexuality a massive secret. I didn't talk about it ever. I'm at university now and my confidence has grown hugely and my friends back home know. We joke about it, sure, but I've become a lot more confident talking about my sexuality now - so it might come in town. However, for now, if you can I'd try and let a friend know.

As for your family, it was extremely brave of you to come out to them. Honestly, I didn't come out to my mom and dad until I was 18/19 and it still scared me even then when I knew it was going to be fine. It's a scary thing, and I think it's really brave that you told your parents.

I'm now sure if I've quite given much advice? but I hope my words help you a little in some way. You're just fine as you are, honestly, and very brave to have told people around you <3

[Blondie]

@safdafx @Marv has absolutely nailed it. You absolutely deserve the time and space to come out in your own time and your own way. Even if other people are cool with the jokes, that of course, doesn't mean that you should be. It could be that they think they're being super accepting and chill - if you speak to them they are most likely to respect that. You are not restriction anyone by asserting your own views - good friends will get this and be pleased you were honest with them.