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Scared to come out

Quentin Harris    

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So i am a non-binary, pansexual, 14 year old who is becoming increasingly distant from my dad and stepmom. The only person i've came out to is the person who i am dating, also non-binary, and she was really supportive. But i dont know if my parents are homophobes or not and i am afraid to bring it up because our relationship is not what it was. I've threatened to run away because i dont think they will accept me for who i am. But again i havent asked how they feel about the LGBTQIA+ community, and i dont know if there are any organizations around where i live but i need help ASAP.

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  • Ditch the Label Staff

@Quentin Harris A warm welcome to community! I understand how this can be tricky to approach so you're right in trying to find a community near you too and this can be hugely helpful. Do you have any extended family or close family friends that you know would support you when you feel ready to speak to your parents? This can often help to mediate potentially difficult situations.


One thing to bear in mind, we always advise that if you feel you would in any way be at risk by coming out (for example, being made homeless, not financially supported, at risk of harm etc) we always recommend waiting until you are independent and away from home - this could be college or university. That distance can potentially diffuse the more complex relationships.


If you would like us to help find support groups close by we can either email about this or if you let us know your approx area (e.g. Alicante/Spain or Manhattan, NY - please don't share your actual address) we can share some suitable suggestions.


Please know that your sexuality and identity is completely valid and this is a safe space to be yourself.

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Thanks for the reassurance, but the only person who i could stay with if need be is my significant other. Also i think it would benefit me to tell them sooner but again, i'm not sure how they will react and i'm getting increasingly distant from them. Any tips?

Edited by Quentin Harris
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Hello Quentin,

Here are some of our best tips on coming out.





Maybe you could write them a letter expressing how you feel and that you hope it won't change things between you. You know your parents so tailor it to an environment and a way that they will feel most comfortable. Are you out to your friends? That may help.





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