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How not to feel like a hopeless romantic?


alivebutgoodasdead    

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Hello

Well, my name is Z**** and I live in a islamic society and my parents are muslims but I don't believe in God or anything, I have like a big beard and long hairs because, I look like maybe 23-24 but I am 18. I feel like I really need someone who understands me and gets me and around whom I don't have to be fake and I can explain my insecurities to.

I feel like I have to be fake in my college and around my friends and every one I know because they won't respect me if they knew about my insecurities and I couldn't be an alpha man around them if I am honest to them about my feelings and then I feel like maybe if I get in a relationship then maybe it will help me in some way because I feel like I am this guy with a lot of love to give but can't show it to any one (i do have three four cats btw) and I hate this thing about myself and I don't want to feel like this anymore, I don't even know how I am supposed to feel anymore and I feel like I may try to hurt myself or start smoking cigarettes or taking drugs because I really hate myself for these feelings and maybe end my life idk, I feel like I need help,

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Hello @alivebutgoodasdead

 

I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling like this, Are you currently feeling suicidal, please reach out if you are, there are people that want to listen and feeling can and do change. Here you can find a comprehensive list: http://www.befrienders.org.

 

Don't change yourself for other people, there will be people that adore how loving you are and I bet your cats enjoy having you around. The truth is we all have insecurities all of us and usually connection is made with other people when we show them our vulnerabilities and we realise we all aren't so different afterall. Definitely don't stop giving out love. Maybe you are an old soul and connect better with people older than yourself?

 

We are here for you and you can chat with me whenever you need to.

 

Remi

 

Have you read any of Brenee Brown, have a watch of her TED talk on vulnerability, it's one of my favourites -

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Well I used to feel suicidal but now I am mostly numb , I used to be an introvert skinny guy with bad social skills and was overall a mess but now after the changes I made in myself now I am the kind of person who can connect with almost any one, I have maybe like 500+ friends in the city I live but I don't like to meet with anyone of them except one or two but I can't talk about my feelings with anyone as firstly they won't understand me and secondly I don't generally believe in people hence I feel alone and I feel like maybe if someone really understands me, then I would feel better......and no I didn't heard of Breene Brown until now and I just saw the video that you linked and it was amazing the way she talks about whole heartedness and anyways thanks for your reply it means alot

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Hey there @alivebutgoodasdead

 

I'm glad you enjoyed the TED talk there are quite a lot of good ones on there about how you feel. I feel the same, sometimes I feel surrounded by so many people, but like no one really gets me. Have you ever done your Myers Briggs personality test? It really helped me understand myself a bit better - I am an ENFP. You can try it here - https://www.16personalities.com/.

 

Having 500+ real friends is never realistic, my grandmother always said that you should be able to count your good friends on one hand, it's normal to only be able to connect with a few people at a time and that's how you can give them enough brain space and empathy to form a relationship with them.

 

What are the friendships that you do have like?

 

Remi

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No I haven't tried this test before and I just gave it and got INTJ type on this test but I did give enneagram personality test like a month ago and I was 4 and 5 according to it

http://www.onlinepersonalitytests.org/enneagram/

yes the 500+ friends that I have are the kind of friends I met on random occasions and had nice talks with them and have gone out with them once or twice and the people who were in high school groups etc but you are right I may not even have one real friend only one or two friends, with one of them I meet like once in a month to talk about movies, tv shows and maybe about food and the other one I meet like once in 2 or 3 months to talk about different Fandoms and different philosophies but none of my friend know about my depressed and insecure side

Edited by alivebutgoodasdead
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Well the last season was pretty disappointing for me, as my favourite character was Dany so I really hated the sudden change in her character arc as if they were trying to make her a villian and I also hated that the Night King was not even the main villian of season 8, however the whole was disappointing for me but I did like that Jenny Of Oldstones scene. Harry Potter is like my favourite fandom of all time, In Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2 Video Game there's this scene in the game where Harry has to go to the Forbidden Forest after the Battle Of Hogwarts, it's really nostalgic, you should see it on youtube (skip to 3:41 on this video)

and yeah ikr that test is pretty accurate

 

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ahhh yeah exactly I felt like the rushed the whole ending Dany and Arya were my favourite too!

 

I'll check it out i've never played the games before. Do you have any plans for the weekend?

 

Remi

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Yeah exactly it was rushed

and well I don't really do anything now a days so most probably I will watch some movies and complete the TV shows I am watching rn, nothing particular tbh, Maybe read some peotry or novel idk, how about you?

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Sounds good to me, is it cold where you're from, it's freezing over here right now. I had a nice weekend thanks, I went to the country side and hung out with my cat!

 

Remi

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