Help? I’m being labeled as a bully for something I’m doing unintentionally?

[aesthetic.child]

There’s this friend that I’ve ‘somehow’ been bullying without ever realizing or labeling it as bullying. We’re good friends, but I hit him most of the time without a reason to go with it other then; I’m bored, I got mad at something they said that might’ve seemed offensive to me, or in general I just wanna feel better. He has said stop, but I somehow do it anyways because I’ve felt as if he wasn’t exactly serious. Now, if he told me; “Stop, I don’t like that you’re hitting me, and it’s getting annoying� I would’ve stopped a long time ago then. Now, his other friends are labeling me as a bully for it, but it seems confusing as I never meant actual harm. Additionally, I’m trying to stop, but right now I’m anxious to see what his others friends are gonna do about the situation, and I don’t want to be still labeled as a ‘bully’. I don’t know what to do or say to get them to understand though, I’ve always been socially awkward, and terrified of the consequences of my actions that I might think of as ‘okay’, a way for me to be right, or a way for me to fit in with a group. If I don’t do something, the labeling will get worse, and that’s not something I’d like to be a part of, which has already begun to start. If someone could respond back, that’d be great.

[Remi]

Hello @aesthetic.child

 

Physical violence is never acceptable so you should try and stop this behaviour towards your friend, especially as they have communicated to you how this behaviour has made them feel. We all make mistakes and get it wrong and it takes a lot to admit when we do something to hurt someone but you can make this better. I would say communicate with your friend and tell him that you are sorry and that you didn't mean to annoy him and that you will work on never doing that again.

 

As for the other people, once you get things straight with him then everyone should know where you stand, if you feel it would help speak to the group and say. "Yes i know I made a bit of a mistake and i've apologised can we all move on" These things tend to blow over if you handle them correctly.

 

Heres a great article about how to resolve conflict, this may help when trying to talk to your friend: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/speak-anyone-anything-conflict-resolution/

 

Remi

 

 

[fiffa]

maybe it happened because your friend gives a reason to mock yourself. there are people who cannot live if they are not offended. they just like it.

[Remi]

@fiffa No one ever deserves to be bullied and it sounds like the behaviour was genuinely upsetting. It was the right thing to do for them to be honest and speak up about their boundaries.