Feeling like im drowning in a sea of drama and verbal back stabbing

[Daniel98]

Alright so my relationships have pretty much gone to hell over the past three months and at this point i have no idea what to do. Could go into the relationship forum but feel at this point it's more appropriate here.

It started late June when i told a friend "I really like you and want you to be happy." Now this friend has a boyfriend who's a verbally abusive alcoholic that always tries to break her down. Respecting the relationship she told him what happened which resulted in me slowly but surely being excluded from the group. After a few days i went back home for the rest of summer and hoped it would cool down.

When i got back i found out these guys who were claiming to be my friends have been making jokes and talking about me behind my back. Everytime I leave the room someone has a comment to make. They have their own groupchats and snap groups that im not invited to join and constantly feel like if im not there to say i want to do this then my name wont even be brought up. Additionally ive heard some of them viciously mocking others behind their back and am unsure what to do. I'm not the most social guy so find it hard to make new friends; i dont want to ditch these guys but am worried this is just becoming such a toxic enviornment. I know im not a good guy l, i just want to stop feeling like im garbage.

Edited September 3, 2019 by Daniel98

[Remi]

Hello @Daniel98

 

You sound like a good guy to me, you were trying to look out for your friend and unfortunately it hasn't gone in your favour this time, but it seems you were only trying to help. When people are in coercive relationships it is often really hard for the partners to see the abusers as their true selves and the person controlling the parter often tries to exclude people that don't side with them. You have said that these people aren't very nice to you or other people so why would you want to be on the inside of that?

 

Don't settle for a group because being in one is better than not, maybe this break came at a good time and you can look at rebuilding friendships elsewhere, it may seem daunting at first but every friendship has a day one. It may be that taking a step back from the situation may give your old friends some fresh perspective and that if you vote with your feet and take some space from the group they may actually stop and look at their behaviour and see how harmful it is.

 

Exclusion from groups is such a horrible feeling but you shouldn't feel bad for sticking up for what you believe in.

 

We're here for you dude.

 

Remi