Need help coming out

[Dylan_345]

Hey, I'm new to this whole thing. I'm transgender, and am thinking about coming out to my mom. I'm 15, and I'm starting to think my mom and grandparents don't accept trans people. We've never really talking about it, but I want to know the best way to approach the topic of me accepting transgender individuals, or even telling my mom and school about this.

[Remi]

Hey @Dylan_345

 

welcome to the community!

 

I think this could be a great time to come out to your mom if you feel you are ready to. Could you try testing the water with her by bringing up a 'friend' at school that has come out as trans and see how she reacts. Also you could try preparing by having some resources handy so it doesn't all fall on you to explain. The chances are she maybe already has an inclination so don't worry that you will be starting this from the beginning.

 

Have a read over these tips that Lewis Hancock wrote for us - https://www.ditchthelabel.org/8-tips-for-coming-out-as-trans/.

 

Make sure your safety comes first and if you think your family may take it badly, it may be worth waiting a little while to come out. Try and connect with your local youth LGBTQ+ community if you have one as it is important to have a good support network around yo. Are you out to any of your friends.

 

Good luck and let us know how the initial conversations go with your Mom.

 

Remi

[Marv]

Hi @Dylan_345

Like Remi said, if you feel ready, by all means, go for it! But your safety comes first, and if you feel that maybe it'll go badly, or if you're a little unsure, you can wait. There's no rush to come out. I didn't come out to my mom until I was 18, and when I did she said she suspected something anyway. So, like Remi said, the chances are there's a chance your mom will already have a hunch. She may not though.

If you do decide to tell, but not sure how to approach telling her, there are a number of ways:

- Text/email/social media - good way to tell someone not face to face if you're scared of their reaction in person,

- In the car - small safe space, I've known people who've told their parents in the car,

- On a walk - nice chilled walk, tell your parent(s)/friend(s) you have something you'd like to tell them, and go for it,

- Face to face,

- Note/letter - like texting, you can do this without seeing their face, nice if you're scared to tell them in person.

- Test the water first - good thing to do before trying any of these: bring up LGBT in conversation, make up a story that someone in school has come out as transgender and see that your mom thinks. If all goes well, you can tell your story.

 

I hope it goes well, if you decide to go forward and come out. I wish you luck!

[Blondie]

@Dylan_345 Hey! Another thing to remember is sometimes parents' reaction isn't exactly what we would like but it doesn't mean it will always be this way. Sometimes they just need time to process (which isn't your responsibility - although guiding them in the right direction helps).

 

There are many parents who have reacted badly but ended up being the most supportive and vocal of allies. Article here if you want to read this: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/my-parents-didnt-react-well-to-me-coming-out/

 

Ultimately you absolutely deserve to live your best life, authentically as the person that you know you are.