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How do you start exploring if you are questioning your sexuality?


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I am 24, and for most of my life up to this point I have identified as straight, and have had all straight friends. However, I have never really dated or enjoyed my hookups with men, and there were points as a teenager when I had thoughts about women, only to quickly put them away. I became sober when I was 19, and since then have not hooked up with any more men, nor have I had much of a desire to. I love men, and find them attractive, but I find myself more sexually aroused by the thought of having sex with women.

The thing is, I have never been good at dating, and the thought of having to figure out another gender terrifies me, especially when I don't have experience or know what my feelings really are or feel comfortable talking to most people about this. Where to I start?

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  • Ditch the Label Staff

@Eleanor Hey there and firstly congratulations on 5 years sober! That's an amazing achievement. It could be that you are bi but lean more towards women. I'd suggest being open to dating a woman, or the next time you find yourself in a situation where you feel attracted to someone and it's reciprocated, put yourself out there and see how it feels.




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  • 2 weeks later...

Like Blondie said, it could be that you are indeed bisexual, but lean towards females. I'm female and bisexual; I definitely lean towards girls. I'm 18 and I've only ever been attracted to three males, whereas daily I'm attracted to women, thus my conclusion: I prefer girls. Now, I understand you're fear of experimenting, recently I got into a relationship with a male, and two months in I realised it wasn't for me at all. I only get attracted romantically to people, but the romantic attachment quickly faded from this guy. I learnt A LOT in two-three months: that I see myself with a girlfriend and not a guy, I'm more comfortable with the idea of kissing and holding hands with a girl - eventhough when I held his hand for the first time, I was over the moon. I'm not sexually attracted to either gender, but if someone were to ask, then I'd always say I'd much rather go for it with a girl.

I realised my feelings mostly by observing from afar. My friend, on the other hand, realised she was lesbian by experimenting A LOT. She hooked with several guys, eventually realising it wasn't for her, she now has a girlfriend. So, either way works. Since I realised I liked girls, as well as guys, all I've done is think about it and see how I am walking around in public. As I said, I'm more attracted to girls on a day to day basis than guys; so what Im saying is, you can work it out without actually getting with someone. The relationship I had kinda confirmed my thoughts. I'm still not totally sure if I am lesbian or bisexual to be honest with you, but now that I'm more aware of bisexuality and all that, I think about it often, I think about what I want, who I'd want, what I like and dislike. If you're really curious, I'd say try to monitor how you feel around males and females, think about which feelings are stronger and read about it too. Like Blondie said, being open to the idea of dating a girl is good, you can learn a lot quite quickly.


I hope this helps... I'm not sure how clear what I've said it haha...

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