Why does my relationship make me want to start cutting again?

[At a distance 33]

I've been with a really nice guy for 11 months now and I really like him but he never positively affirms me in any way and barely touches me but says he cares about me and doesn't want to lose our relationship. He just came back from a trip and I feel anxious and tempted to deal with the stress by cutting, something I haven't had an issue with for years. Why is the distant behavior affecting me like this?

[Remi]

Hello @At a distance 33

 

Rejection and feeling unwanted are very strong emotions that can trigger something so deep inside of us. It can link to rejection we felt as children which may be why old coping strategies may be rearing their head.

 

Can you sit him down and make time to have a proper conversation and say to him that in a relationship you need a bit more physical intimacy and positive reassurance. Have you heard of the 5 languages of love before? They say that people love in 5 ways through 1;. Words of affirmation 2. Physical touch 3. Acts of service 4. Gifts 5. Quality time. Often if our partners or friends aren't loving us with our language it is hard for us to recognise and we can end up feeling exactly how you are now, rejected and unwanted. So you could tell him that this is how you would like to be loved.

 

Do you think that is a conversation that you could have with him?

 

When you feel the urge to cut again can you try and use these alternatives?

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/15-safer-alternatives-to-self-harm/

 

I hope some of this helps in some way.

 

-Remi

 

 

 

https://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Edited June 18, 2019 by Remi