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A friend in need


Daphne    

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My friend grew up in a family where she was emotionally abused by her biological father just because she was the only girl. Her mother have been the mute spectator of the situation and done nothing to help the girl. At a certain point she was raped by her uncle and no action was taken. She's currently going through maniac depression and can't control her anger. She started cursing the people who hurt her and wish them death. It's been 18 years of the abuse and she can't take it anymore. I referred her for therapy but she isn't ready to listen. How do I help her? please help, I really can't see her in this condition.

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I'm no expert, but I would go to the local authorities and tell them what is happening. Rape is very illegal, and so is abuse. If you can, maybe try to arrange for your friend to stay at your place for a while. But I would definitely tell the police. This is not ok and should not be happening to people. It's unfair

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She isn't willing to report anything nor is she willing to seek therapy, and I can't take such a step without her consent. She's kind of addicted to her pain and isn't ready to seek help. I'm her only support system and doing something behind her back will definitely hurt her the most.

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Try to get her out of the bad environment (for a walk, to get food, etc.), and talk to her when she is in a rational state of mind. Try to help her understand that this situation needs professional help. I understand that you dont want to go behind her back, but worst comes to worst, you have to tell someone (Preferably the police). She may feel hurt at the time, but you know that it is for the greater good, correct? Try messaging Remi, a digital monitor on this site. She has good advice.

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Hello @Daphne,

 

Your friend sounds like she has gone through a lot of trauma that she should know was not her fault at all.

 

Remember you can only do so much for a friend and it is not your responsibility to 'fix' her situation and when we support our friends we need to make sure that we are also looking after ourselves and practising lots of self-care as it can be really draining giving support to loved ones.

 

Realistically her mental health may be too much for you to support on your own. I think you may need a larger support network to support her so you can take it in turns. Why does she not want to seek therapy can I ask? Have you told her that there are lots of different types of therapy and if she doesn't like one there may be another or an alternative therapist. Talking therapies really do help. Could she try and have some releases for her anger such as art or music?

 

You can come and check in with us here about how it is going if you like.

 

It is her choice whether she wants to report her uncle but she should not be pressured into this situation as it's important she feels it is her choice.

 

Sending positivity your way.

 

Remi

This Digital Mentor Account is no longer active.

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