Please help :(

[akakindz]

I need some help please. So I met someone online last year who lives in America (I'm in UK) and we became friends. We spoke/speak nearly everyday and both develop a story together. Gradually over the last 6 or 7 months, he would disappear randomly for lots of time then come back with some poor excuse. Each time I excused it. Then he started being different. He would tell me to say certain things when he did, to stop calling him, that I had so many chances, pointing out my insecurities I told him in confidence and and to tell him a surprise I had planned or he wouldn't be pleasant during it etc. For most of this, I would get very stressed. Not knowing if he's gonna be there or not, what he'd say. He'd frequently dangle goodbye over my head too. I have severe depression and abandonment issues, trust issues from childhood etc. He knows this. We would talk every morning and then afternoon. I'm not perfect, my insecurities pop up here and there but I never hid them. He told me just recently that he was too busy in his life with working overtime/sleeping to talk or anything for several months and that maybe we ought to say goodbye or to choose if I want to talk to him or continue the story. He said if I won't choose, he'll follow through on his goodbye. Now here's the thing - because of that huge fear of abandonment (from my childhood) I find it really immensely hard to say goodbye to anyone. So I started getting very depressed again. I rang him up to explain how I felt, being very vulnerable to do so. This time he told me that he did care about me (when I asked), that we were friends, I could come to him, that he'd try to check in and didn't want either thing to end. After that, I felt better. A lot better. But then a day later he stopped replying again and when I came to him, upset I'd lost all my messages - he told me I was overacting and went to sleep. Just before I asked if he'd reply to our story again, he told me since I trust him, he shouldn't need to ask. No yes or no. He hasn't replied to it yet. And you know I just feel hurt, upset and so so broken. This has just made it clear how broken I am. I keep thinking back to how we were to now and I can't help but feel my problems have pushed him away (he said things that annoyed him about me). I feel so broken and keep bordering on suicidal thoughts. I keep wanting to tell him or get his attention but that's not who I am. It's so hard to fight that urge of just one more message. All my friends say give it distance but I'm clearly far too attached. I don't know what to do, there doesn't seem like a resolution. It's stupid how much this is getting to me when he doesn't seem to give a damn. It's just hard when I've conditioned myself to talk to him so much about everything nearly everyday. I hate myself for it. Sorry for the long winded post, thank you all for your time.

 

[Remi]

Hello,

 

A breakdown in relationships can be tough whether or not they are online or in real life. I'm sorry you are going through this. Your main priority and focus right now needs to be your wellbeing and mental health - you have to think that there may be a reality that you don't talk again so try to surround yourself with a good support network of friends and family and get used to not talking to him everyday - try and find something else to fill the time that you used to talk to him. Sometimes it's the change in routine that can really shake you.

 

Sometimes writing a message out to him that you don't send can be theraputic. Be angry, be upset and let your emotions happen, grieve the end of the relationship so that you can move on and ultimately be happier in the future either single or with someone that will make time for you.

 

We're here for you, check into the community throughout the breakup.

 

-Remi