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What is my sexuality?


Marv    

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I'm so confused right now lol. I'm not that bothered about having the label, but it'd be helpful to know, I guess? I'm going through A LOT of questioning at the moment, and I also go by the 'You define your sexuality' thing. But. truth is, I didn't even know what pansexual meant until a few months ago. I read the definitions on here and I just get confused, not about myself, but just confused in general lol. But, based on what I know now, anyone got any suggestions?

 

- I'm 18 and I've been attracted to two males: I was NOT sexually attracted to them. I just liked the look of them. One of them I've perused in a relationship which I may be about to drop.

- The first time I liked a girl it took me a couple of weeks to stop thinking about her constantly.

- My current boyfriend: I've kissed him on the cheek and head. Not on the lips, but don't want to.

- I'm not very keen at all on the idea of sexual intercourse, but especially with a male. I really really dislike the idea of sexual interaction with a male.

- I'm more comfortable with the idea of having a girlfriend than a boyfriend

- I'm often visually attracted to women, but not strongly.

- When I'm attracted to a random female, it's usually their face, ass, or ... ya know, breasts

- I'd happily kiss a female on the lips, not so much a male.

 

My thoughts: I've gone by bisexual for a while, but now I think I'm lesbian. But considering I've liked two guys, does that still make me bi? I also read that there is stuff like greyromantic (is that right?) and stuff... I have no idea which way I lean. Based on this information, anyone got any ideas?

 

(Also, sorry, I keep posting about this stuff. I've posted and asked Remi stuff about it so much lately, and I feel a bit bad for bombarding y'all with it. I'm just not great with being confused I guess? Thank you all <3 )

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Hey Marv

I’m trying to figure out if I’m bi or a lesbian too. I think if you are emotionally,romantically and sexually attracted to women maybe you are. For me I know that I am and maybe scared to admit it. Basically guys do nothing for me and I can’t see myself with one!! But im also not in a rush to what I identify myself as or label. Maybe you are a lesbian and that is ok :)

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@Kin Yeah, maybe. And I don't exactly want a label either, but I'd also like to know? I guess? Because it's so confusing. I also don't want to tell myself that I'm gay, fantasise over girls, and then find that I click with a guy, coz that'll be a shock, ya know? I mean, I don't think I'll let that happen now after being in a relationship with a guy... I got all excited thinking about girls earlier, and a girl x girl relationship. I was also at a Pride event yesterday and I saw girls holding hands and I felt jealous and really crappy that I was with a guy... Pff lol its so hard. I might ask my mom tbh, she seemed to know I wasn't straight in the first place lol

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  • Ditch the Label Staff

@Marv Awesome advice from Kin - it could well be that you are pansexual but as sexual identity and attraction can be so fluid I wouldn't be in a rush to label it. If the relationship you're in isn't working or fulfilling you, it might be that it's just this particular guy. Many people can find that they have long periods of time where they are attracted to a particular gender and this can change for either one individual or more.

 

I would definitely suggest just looking at individual relationships / attractions to find what's right for you.

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@Blondie @Kin Okay, thank you Blondie. It's just hard because I'm not really very willing to experiment. I don't like the idea of gaining the trust of someone and building the relationship, only to find it isn't right, then shoving it in the trash. I've always tried to work it out from afar I guess, which has worked out so far. I think I'm going to ditch this relationship, then think about it much more carefully next time. I didn't think about it much when I got into this one, so maybe next I need to pay more attention to what I want, how it might turn out, and whether it is actually right for me or not. What I have learned from this relationship, though, is that I think I'd definitely prefer a girlfriend to a boyfriend. So that's a good start.

 

My friend said I might be pansexual. They could be right I guess. I'm not too much in a rush of finding out, I guess if anyone ever asked I could just say 'not sure, but I know I'm attracted to girls, and sometimes guys', that's all they need to know.

 

Thank you Blondie, and Kin :D

Edited by Marv
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Hey @Marv

 

I think telling people that you are still figuring out your sexuality is really good idea. Thats what I did when I was first questioning my sexuality, as I told you I didn't come out until I had my first girlfriend at 25.

 

I wish you luck with it, have you been able to speak to your boyfriend yet?

 

-Remi

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@Remi Okay. I think I'll stick to that, just saying I like girls and sometimes boys, but I'm still not sure.

 

No I haven't. It's his birthday on Friday and I don't want to make any tension between us until after then. We also have exams too. So I'm planning on telling him after his birthday and when the majority of exams are over. I know I need to do it ASAP, but it isn't fair on either of us if I do it during exams, because then we both have added stress. But that won't be very long at all.

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I think there never really is a great time to break up, usually the sooner the better if an ending is inevitable anyway. But yes, maybe best to wait until after his birthday.

-Remi

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Hey @Remi

The exams are going really well. I have my last one on Thursday and then I'm done forever. Mad! Then hopefully I can work around telling him about all this :0 - I'll let you know how it all goes :)

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