Jump to content

I've been questioning for 5+ years...


Recommended Posts

I'm not certain what to do. It's been 5 years or more which is crazy! Or at least I feel crazy.. I know it upsets me alot to not know. But I also feel maybe theres a little bit of denial. But periods where I find no one attractive. It's all confusing and frustrating. I'm 20 years old by the way. But yea I've only dated guys in the past but have always been what I like to think is attraction to girls. I'm just not certain where ti start.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay, if it helps, I'm seriously questioning too...

So, my story:


Some years ago, I video called a girl, and holy shit! she was gorgeous. Long story short with that, I freaked out and deleted her. Bad, I know, but it happened. Near the same time, I also liked a guy (a Youtuber). I couldn't stop thinking about this girl for ages, literally my mind was absolutely spinning about it! It was more powerful than liking the guy.


Fast forward some years, to the last couple of years and now: I've only found two guys attractive in my life (I'm 18). The one above and another who a few months ago we both said we liked each other. We've been going out for a few months now. But in doing so, it's made me realise that actually maybe I'm gay.

Reason I think I'm gay; after being with him, I hate the idea of sexual intercourse with guys, I hate the idea of kissing a guy on the lips, and I just generally feel uncomfortable with him. When I walk through town, there's ALWAYS one girl, at least, I'm attracted to. In addition, I went to a Pride event today, and I saw girls holding hands and I got so jealous. I want a girlfriend, not a boyfriend.


Similar to you: I thought I was on and off too, but being with him, I don't think I'm on and off. But I did ask a friend and she said some people do go 'on and off' with liking people. It took me a long long time to like anyone, I was probably 16. Some people like people and know their sexuality when they're like 13. It doesn't matter when you do, there's no rush. I'm still trying to work it out myself. I guess, you haven't found the person you click with yet? Same for me too. My friend says to experiment where you can, If you're like me and you're not keen on the idea of experimenting, just really pay attention to how you feel around people, males and females. It's just about

experimenting and trusting your instincts to be honest. I've been going for years and I'm still confused lol


Hope some of this helps :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes thank you this did make me feel so much better to say the least. I don't completely feel as alone. But yea I mean emotionally I cant say I've ever really been attracted to a guy. Physically yea but that goes with all types of genders attractive wise. Girl wise I've never been with one. So.. as far as sexual attraction goes I have no clue. Like in the actual act lol theres attraction though. I don't know girls make me want to sit there and listen to there problems which is odd. I mean.. theres several reason I feel weird about possible being gay. Theres denial for sure ! I've been a long time Christian forever. But I think God loves everyone but at the same time people condemn me for things I do. Which God probable doesn't care about anyways. Yea i guess i feel dirty but i feel okay at the same time if that makes sense ?? Then theres my family i don't know how in the world they would react. Years ago they flat out told me NO YOUR NOT INTO GIRLS. But not sure if they were serious or didn't want me to be or what. But they are si so so extremely excepting of me as well as my gran and pop. Anyways I dont think they would disown me. I guess it's just the worry. And not feeling like I can be open. With myself or anyone. I've made the initiative to try and talk to girls it's just soooooo awkward. Totally not the same with guys. Like i get nervous. Anyways maybe turning 21 will shed new light on everything idk. Anyways thank you for your help

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not religious, and my religious knowledge isn't too great. But, this is you, you can't change it, so if you can, you should embrace it.


Also, you'll work out the whole sexuality thing, who you like, what you like. etc etc, over time. I've worked some of it out just by following instincts and by what I liked when walking around, and what I've learned from this relationship. Honestly, there isn't any rush. In terms of parents, you don't have to tell them. And if you end up in a same sex relationship, who cares! They can't do anything about it, it's just you being you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Ditch the Label Staff

@Astheyarefated I hope I can reassure you that you are in no way dirty - there is nothing wrong or unnatural with being gay / lesbian / bi / pansexual (i.e. anything outside of heterosexual). Sexuality is often very fluid and we are frequently attracted to people rather than genders. Trust your instincts to who you are attracted to sexually / romantically as we cannot force ourselves to be attracted to people that we aren't.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Unfortunately, your content contains terms that we do not allow. Please edit your content to remove the highlighted words below.
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...