Have you been cheated on, how did you cope?

[DecD12]

Hi, I'm sort of new here and have never really tried forums, but I thought I'd give it a try.

 

My girlfriend of two years kissed another boy who was one of her best friends whilst they were on a caravanning trip as their families are close. They are both part of a religious youth organisation too so they will see each other in future at points which brings very little closure in moving on.

 

I have forgiven my girlfriend and have given her a second chance. I have used this incident to try and better myself too (not in a way to prevent her from doing what she done again, but rather I don't want to let this change me and be consumed with negative emotions). This happened a month ago, and the wound is still certainly fresh but I am trying my upmost best to move on. I'm proactive with my mental health already although I have suffered and am suffering from severe self-esteem issues due to a really bad ex (she would send me pictures of "perfect" boys and ask why I didn't look like them). I practice CBT techniques with some apps which I pay for, I eat well and exercise daily, I practice mindfulness and always make sure to have a good support network.

 

The thing that bugs me the most is the image. I can't get the image of her kissing another boy out of my head. She has promised me it will never happen again, and that she is terribly terribly sorry and that she never done it because of his looks, it just, sort of happened. Which I do believe.

 

My question at the end of this massive self-introduction post is if you were cheated on (or cheated), how did you cope and does the "image" of it happening in your head ever go away or at least become less 'intrusive'?

[Remi]

Hey there @DecD12

 

A big welcome to our community!

 

I can relate, I have been cheated on before and forgiven the person but have found it hard to move past the incident and in the end it did end our relationship because I couldn't move past it.

 

I would say try and give it a little bit of time as these things take a bit of time to get ove, respect that your girlfriend chose to tell you the truth, and that you are doing lots of work on yourself. It may become easier.

 

Also it is okay to admit that this is something you cannot move passed and sometimes a break is needed to move on, do you talk to your girlfriend about these intrusive thoughts.

 

The truth is we are all human and we make mistakes, but it is entirely up to you what you can forgive and the timeframe you need to do it in.

 

-Remi

[DecD12]

Hey Remi!

 

I totally get some people can work it out and some people can't. I feel

like I can work past it eventually but it'll take a lot of effort, time and reassurance.

 

I've already forgiven her, mainly for me. As I believe I can't move on until I have forgiven someone - holding grudges never helped me.

 

I have hope but of course there may come a time to throw in the towel because of this, time will tell I think

[Remi]

Hey,

 

yeah it's definitely an uncomfortable position to be in. I find with intrusive thoughts that the more you try to shut them out the more likely they are to want to come in. Try to just let them in once and have an acceptance and then say to yourself that's enough now.

 

Good luck and i'm here if you need to chat anymore.

[bingabong]

I got cheated on once and tbh I couldn't get past it it just felt unforgivable to me but every1 is different I guess lol