Need some help... I don't know if I'm gay or not, and relationship help

[Marv]

So, I thought I was bi, but now I'm reconsidering...

When ever I'm out, I find myself dragging my eyes away from girls and not guys. When my friend and I are doing art and she sends male and female references, I find myself usually being attracted to more of the females than males. I also write stories, so I look for character inspiration; I often find myself really liking the female characters, and one of my characters, I'd happily go out with. I think sometimes I like the look of some guys; there was a youtuber I REALLY crushed on a while back, but I feel like I swing more to the girls side...

The catch: I'm in a relationship with a guy. I like them, I crush on them, but I don't think I LIKE/LOVE them. They like me more than I like them. They're also my best friend.

What the heck do I do?

[Kin]

Dear Marv

i too am questioning if I’m bi or if it’s more maybe ur identity is changing it says it does so maybe you are. Only u will really know. In terms of your relationship maybe it’s time to rethink. I don’t want to see you or your best friend hurt. Makes it harder. Do you still want to be in the relationship if you don’t like/ love them? I know I don’t give the best advice but know I’m here for you. Remi and Blondie give awesome advice! Here for you!!!<3

[Marv]

Hey, your advice is still worth listening too, so thank you.

I'm usually one to follow my instincts, I believe they're the best thing to listen to, and they're saying to give the relationship a rest. They're my best friend, so I don't think the relationship would effect that, as we're incredibly close. I see them mostly as my best friend, not always my boyfriend. And plus, not that I want to label myself, but sometimes I think I swing towards liking girls more than men. We'll see. I guess I am the only one who will truly know. Thanks

[Remi]

Hey @Marv

 

It's a process and I always like to have my partners be my best friends as it shows that you really kno wand understand eachother.

 

We, as bisexuals or pansexuals rarely have a 50/50 split in the preference of men, women or enbys and at different points in time. Be aware of it, but don't let it limit you in your future decisions, or let is become something that you feel really anxious about.

 

-Remi

[Marv]

Hey @Marv

 

It's a process and I always like to have my partners be my best friends as it shows that you really kno wand understand eachother.

 

We, as bisexuals or pansexuals rarely have a 50/50 split in the preference of men, women or enbys and at different points in time. Be aware of it, but don't let it limit you in your future decisions, or let is become something that you feel really anxious about.

 

-Remi

So you mean, I could still be bi, but sometimes I'll swing one way or the other?? Cause at the moment I'm super confused. Because I keep looking at boobs, I keep admitting that actresses are hot, I don't want kids, I don't want a sexual relationship with a man, the list goes on... I'm just so so confused lol, I'm not sure what move to make

[Remi]

Hey @Marv

 

That's exactly what i'm saying. When do we ever like anything in our life the exact same amount as something else. So l love peanut butter and I also love chocolate spread, but sometimes I like one more and just crave that more and go off chocolate spread, but I still love chocolate spread and sometimes i'm into them both.

 

Bisexuality for some people can be like this it isn't a split down the middle. It's normal to be attracted to women right now even if it's not how you see things later in life. Try and enjoy the sensations as they come and focus on what you hear and think in the now because the future is always going to be a mystery. If you end up in a same sex relationship later in life you can still have children, get married and have that life if you should wish it. Love is love so lead with your heart and not your head. XD

 

-Remi

[Marv]

Hmm. I like the peanut butter and chocolate spread example. Lol. Very good! I do try to follow my heart/listen to my instincts. As my friend says, your instincts, or that little voice in your head, knows more about you than you do, and we should listen to our instincts. My heart/instincts at the moment are saying to at least give the relationship a break, because I feel like it isn't what it could have been? I'm not sad about it per say, but I think that could be the right choice. Today, too, someone asked us both if we were dating and I stayed silent. He stayed silent. Our silence basically confirmed that we were, except in my head, we're no longer dating, but he doesn't know that yet; that;s where it gets complicated I suppose. In my head, we're just best friends again, which I'm more than happy with and couldn't wish for more. Sometimes I think I'd actually prefer to be in a same sex relationship to the opposite, is that odd? I dunno. As you said, I should enjoy what comes at me and see where I go, right?

[Remi]

Hey @Marv

 

Yes, our instincts are usually right and it's important to trust that voice. The best thing you can do if you are feeling this way is to be honest with him. It's likely he may already have a feeling that something is wrong and it is kinder to let him know. This way you will hopefully be able to retain a good friendship with him.

 

With everything we've discussed recently, it's not odd at all that you prefer the idea of a same-sex relationship at the moment. Trust your instincts Marv.

 

-Remi

[Marv]

That's exactly what I thought. I asked my friend about it all yesterday and she said she's already noticed a difference in me around him, and she only sees me at school a couple times a week. So maybe he has noticed. And I completely agree with you; I do feel bad that he's giving more than he's getting. I was sat the other day and he gave me a small hug and a kiss on my head and didn't return it. I felt terrible, absolutely terrible. I reckon he's probably noticed. After exams and his birthday, I think I'm going to tell him. I can't ruin his birthday with it, so I'll do it after that.

My friend also said that I should tell him verbally, to his face, not over text. I also agree with that, but I have never said anything that's like, personal to anyone face to face... so I'm absolutely terrified and wondering how the hell to do it. I think I could do it. I have ideas, and I think I can do it, it's just.... agh... ouch

[Kin]

All you can do is be honest it will be hard but I have faith in you!! Remember we are all here for you! Easier said than done I know but you got this!! Here for you Marv�