I FEEL ANXIOUS WHENEVER I TAKE A NEW STEP

[vandita yadav]

HEY I am Vandita, once i was a happy spirited, lively and confident person but after my father's death things in my life went downhill. now it has been approx 4 years since that incident and i have went through all insomnia, depression, anxiety and low self esteem. now i don't think there 's something left in me which i can be proud of, and whenever i try new things i unintentionally focus on the negative side rather than positive and then all doubts flow into my mind and i become anxious. believe me there was a time when i just wanted to end my life but i won't do because what i believe is that everyone is here to fulfill a purpose of their life so am i. once i tried to talk to someone to make them understand my point but they didn't. In tenth standard i was a topper but in twelfth i secured 63% . I know marks don't define what we are and what we will become but my mother don't think so. i dropped a year so this year i am going to apply for colleges but i am worrying whether i could make it there or not. i wanted to help myself and so i asked them to visit a psychologist but somehow they didn't agree and if you are 18 and live in India you are likely to be dependent on your parent, so i didn't get to visit the psychologist but i am trying on my own helping myself and when sometime things get too hard i ignore them. so please guide me so that i can live with all these emotions without feeling suffocated and become confident again. thank you

 

[Marv]

Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss. I really am, and it's awful that you've got stuck in this negative loop because of it. Trust me, though, there are always lights in the dark. Always.

 

Now, doing something new makes a LOT of people anxious, nervous, worried, unconfident, uncomfortable, the list goes on. That's normal. I'm going to university in a few months, and I have applied for a part time job too, both of which I'm truly terrified of: I've never had a job, and I've never been away from home. At university, too, I'll have to make new friends, find a new job, and sort out new daily challenges. Terrifying, right? Yes, but thinking about the positive things is SO important. I won't tell you that it's easy to do, because it isn't. I know plenty of people who when they do something, they only think about the bad things about it. I know people who when they have a bag day, they forget the good things that happened because bad things naturally stand out and naturally have a strong effect. That's okay. You're allowed to feel that. But modifying that mindset is so important. It's very hard, but when you do something, especially if it's new, it's very important to sit back and give yourself 5minutes by yourself to think about it. The world we live in has so many stresses, it's so busy, and there are people who wish to pull you down. But every now and then, you have to step back and sit with yourself. When you do, you need to think about the good stuff; what cool things happened today? what did I learn, what did I achieve, what could I achieve? and most of all: tell yourself that it's okay to feel rubbish.

 

Tackling the mindset is difficult. And it wont change quickly. But focussing on little things, good things, can change your mindset gradually. As I said, it's hard, but totally doable. And, it's okay to have a bad day; if you feel really really bad one day, that's fine! Thing about why you felt bad, what did you not do today that usually makes you feel happy? what did you think about that made you feel bad?, then try and see if you can change it the next day. Little things, little changes, can add up and make big changes.

 

In terms of seeing a doctor/psychologist, are you 18, or not? I don't know the rules where you are, but here in the UK at 17 you can book a doctor/psychologist appointment at 17 and go by yourself. If you can, see if you can do that. Also, talk to friends. Whether they are from school, a family member, or on the internet, I promise you someone will listen. Even I sometimes think that I can't talk to anyone, but really, you can. There are plenty of help lines, sites, pages etc, that can help you (this is one of them).

 

Feeling confident and happy again: I'm proud that you haven't taken your life. I am so so proud of you. You should feel proud of yourself too. You are very very strong, and brave. To make yourself feel more confident is tricky, but start with doing what makes YOU happy. That is your primary focus. Whether it's drawing, watching videos, sitting outside, walking by yourself, baking, do it. By making yourself happy, even if it's just a little bit, you will see little differences. And little differences can make a massive difference.

 

I hope this helps you in some way. I tried not to make it too long, but it's quite long. <3 sending my love.

Edited May 18, 2019 by Marv

[vandita yadav]

thanks i just wanted someone to listen to me and yeah i do what makes me feel happy but the truth is that whenever i do those things my brain starts to question my capability. thanks once again

 

[Marv]

thanks i just wanted someone to listen to me and yeah i do what makes me feel happy but the truth is that whenever i do those things my brain starts to question my capability. thanks once again

I think to an extent, that's normal. Even when I study my favourite subject, of which I'm going on to study at university this year, I question my capability. I think everyone does at some point. It's just that sometimes, one's circumstances (such as your own) are more complex. Keep doing what makes you happy, that's the best you can do for now; that is very very important. And plus, if you're doing a hobby, or something that makes you happy, doesn't matter how good you actually are at it; don't compare your skills to others. For example, when I have a rough day, I write or draw. Sometimes when I draw, I look at other people's artwork for inspiration and sometimes I feel bad about mine because theirs is so good and different. I then question my capability, how good I am at it, and if there's any point. But there is. Even if I just doodle on a page and throw it away or store it for a while, I've still done something, and doing it makes me happy, and knowing I've done it makes me happy too. See what I'm saying? It's a complex loop to break, I won't lie. Also, trying something brand new, learning something new, can be a big eye opener. Start a new hobby; if you don't do drawing, try it! If it comes out rubbish, doesn't matter. I'd also recommend taking up a sport. Download yourself a work out app on your phone, or a running app and go for it! Go for a run, go for a walk every day, clear your head and see how much further you can go every day.

I'm very happy I could help. I'm always happy to listen.

[Remi]

Hey there @vandita yadav

 

I think @Marv has given you some wonderful things to think about here and we really support you all supporting one another here on the community. The loss of a family member is one of the hardest things if not the hardest experience you will ever go through. Your body and brain needs time to heal from this trauma. Of course your thought process and your grades will be afffected.

 

Time heals all wounds and although the pain won't be gone forever - you will become better at coping.... is there any way you can book to see a therapist in India, maybe through college?

 

I also recommend meditation there are some great tutorials on Youtube and apps that can support you - this will help to add to your emotional resilience and might help you problem solve when you are feeling hopeless again. Here is an article with some mindfulness apps for you to try https://www.ditchthelabel.org/10-mindfulness-apps-you-need-to-download-to-bring-some-zen-to-your-life/.

 

As you can see this community is here for you should you need us.

 

-Remi

Edited May 20, 2019 by Remi