IT HURTS!

[FabTina]

Hi, I'm new here. I'm an introvert who became depressed because I had so much I was going through but no one to talk to. I was young, needed attention and wanted to feel loved. Then I got to college. Eventually I made a friend, or rather I was befriended and immediately we bonded. I cherished our friendship so much that it wasn't long before I started confiding in her. I trusted her too soon and was eager to be heard and so I went on and told her many things I never should have. My past mistakes, my past regrets and then some, most of the things however, I made up to give a mature impression of myself to protect myself from bully as, I was bullied several times. I I left myself bare and made myself vulnerable so much that it became easy to be preyed upon. Interestingly, she kept to herself, never spoke about her life but would listen, always listen attentively to all that I told her about me...in my mind, I already had a best friend, and although it was selfish of me to never have inquired about her or what she was going through unless she randomly said something by mistake. Then would brush it off as nothing, I saw it as a safe haven for me to have the listening ear I had always wanted. I soon realized her change in behavior towards me. She would disrespect me like I deserved it and rub every pain and misery I told her about all in my face and then I decided to tell a new friend I made for help. I wanted help in asserting myself and not breaking down at her words and actions toward me. Fast forward. She begun saying all sorts of negative things about me to other's. I know this because this new friend of mine actually told me she had been approached and told a lot of things she didn't want to believe but found them easy to. As I said earlier, I spoke and acted more matured than I actually was. To avoid prolonging the issue, I confirmed the things that were true and the lies just left me dumbfounded. Long story short, she suddenly became very close to my new friend and spread more lies about me to her..Then she also begun to speak to me with disgust without care, I was hurt, I am still hurt. The difficulty now is to walk with my head held high and unhurt after the painful words and attitude they've shown me. I won't allow them break me down so I decided to end my friendships with both of them. However, they are my flat mates and I see them everyday in class too. I am already depressed and their attitude towards me is taking a serious toll on my emotional health. How can I regain my self-esteem and learn to trust again. Please help.

[Remi]

Hey @FabTina

 

So sorry to hear about this difficult time for you. That is the thing when we make ourselves vulnerable we feel exposed and that people can hurt us. But vulnerability is still so important and you shouldn't feel like because you've been hurt you shouldn't be open with people anymore.

 

It sounds to me like your friendship for right now with this person might be over, so do what you are doing and keep your head held high, spend time with people that see how amazing you are and want you to succeed. You may be able to have a relationship with them in the future, but right now it does not look like they are ready to meet you in a place of kindness.

 

You are not anyone's opinions of you, often it feels a lot worse in your head than in reality so just try and be kind to the other flatmates and don't give them any reason to.

 

I know it's hard but know that you can trust others again and it will get better.

 

-Remi

Edited July 3, 2019 by Remi

[FabTina]

Thank you Remi. Your feedback has been so helpful. I've decided to move on from those toxic relationships and I'm learning to give myself more credit than I used to even when people make me feel like I don't deserve it. Thank you, I am no one's description of me and I will embrace my awesomeness!

[Blondie]

@FabTina Awesome - so good to hear!!!