I think I may be Bisexual but my parents are sorta Homophobic?

[AriaBee]

I first thought about being bi when I watched Thor:Ragnarok. Loki walked on screen and of course I was like "Holy crap"​​​​​... Then Hela shows up and I was like "*holy crap*" and then Valkyrie shows up and I was like "*HOLY CRAP*"... I dunno, did I just make things weird?

 

Therefor, I started looking stuff up. Bisexual seems to define me best, but I don't think my parents will react well if I tell them. Just had another conversation about how "people can choose their sexuality and trans people are too complicated." I asked them things like "What if (other daughter) came out as bi lesbian or ace?" to which they responded with an entire conversation about how they would convince them that they are wrong... we are religious, and I am not sure if Christianity counts Bisexuality as a sin or not? If it is, how can I get rid of it? Is my brain really just looking for extra attention or is this legitimate? I moved to a country where

​homosexuality is still illegal and punishable by death if you aren't beaten to death by homophobes first. I'm not really sure if I even have any friends I could talk to, seeing as one of them is native to my country and the other already has a lot of stress dealing with LGBTQ+ stuff. Please help.

[Blondie]

Thanks for sharing with us here and I totally understand why you would want to share this with your family. Do you currently live at home or are you apart from them? We always recommend that you prioritise safety in situations where there is even a small chance that you could be at risk in any way. Understandably this doesn't feel good to have to hide such a wonderful, unique part of yourself but it might be safer to wait until you are away from home and financially independent.

 

Of course we all hope that our loved ones will be happy for us but for many people the attitudes are very ingrained and although change is possible, it can take some time. Do you have any extended family that might understand?

 

Don't feel any pressure to tell them if you aren't ready - you are allowed to keep some things for yourself, however keeping such an important part of yourself from your family must be really tough.

 

The truth is this is who you are and nothing can change that and why should it when you are absolutely great just as you are. Being bisexual is totally normal and natural no matter what your parents or anyone else might say to you. I know it's hard as you feel your parents might not accept you but you don't have to share anything with them before you are ready to.

 

How does this sound to start?

[AriaBee]

I currently live at home. My mom is a little more open-minded than my dad, but I'm still not sure about how she would react. I would ask, but I don't want her to get too suspicious. My extended family is all very conservative, but I work on a mission field and every week there is a new group of people here. I might be able to find an openly LGBTQ+ member on a team, but even that is a little hard pressed. My mom had mentioned if that there was a chance that I was gay to tell her and not my dad. She said she wasnt sure how he would be, and if he would flip out or not. I might have to keep it a secret from him, but I wish i didnt have to...

 

 

Thanks for the advice and encouragement. 🙃

[Blondie]

That does sound quite positive from your mum but I can understand why you would still be cautious. Will you be living at home for some time yet?

[AriaBee]

Yes, I will be living at home for a while. I will move out if I go to college, because I'll have to move back to the U.S.A for a bit.

[Remi]

Hey @AriaBee

 

when would you be heading to college if you went?

 

-Remi

[AriaBee]

I'm not completely sure. I don't even really like school, so I'm not even sure if I'm going. Do you have any tips for coming out if I decide to? I'm not really sure what to do...

[Remi]

Try not to panic you don't have to do anything before you are ready, what do you think would change for you after you came out?

 

Here are some of our tips for coming out whenever you decide it's the right time to.

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/top-11-tips-for-coming-out-as-lesbian-gay-or-bi/.

 

Try just telling one person at first that you feel will take it well, you don't have to come out to everyone at the same time, and . you can choose to not tell certain people as well.

 

We're here for you!

[AriaBee]

I was thinking about maybe coming out to my mom as Biromantic vs Bisexual because it might soften the blow a bit and I feel like she would be a bit more accepting. Later in life, I can come out as full Bisexual, maybe. Is that a bad idea?

[Remi]

Hey @AriaBee

 

It is up to you entirely, I don't know if that would make too much difference to your mum, but of course I don't know her.

 

-Remi

[AriaBee]

I just came out to my mom as bi last night! She kept saying that the world is a confusing place for people, but she was pretty supportive. I dont think I'll come out to my dad until Im out of the house. Of course she asked the typical mom questions, like, who did you have a crush on and all that jazz, but she took it pretty well. Still super nervous about this but now im kinda happy!

 

Thanks for everything youve helped me with!

[Blondie]

@AriaBee SO pleased for you! Lovely to hear your mom was so open about it. It feels like such a positive start. And during Pride month too!

[AriaBee]

I'm stilltrying to convince her to letme go to pride. She says It'll be too expensive to fly back to america. Maybe next year.

[Remi]

Hello @AriaBee

 

Is there not a pride in your country you could go to? It may take some researching but there are pride parades all over the world

 

Remi

[raisinbranconsumer]

Hey! I'm feeling a little unsure who to talk to about something similar myself. I think I may be bi (I have no clue right now to be honest). My family is EXTREMELY homophobic, they've said multiple times things like "nobody in our house will be gay". It's probably because they don't understand it, but we're also very religious and that fuels it as well.

With that in mind, I am afraid to talk to any of my friends because I don't want them to see me any different, they are very understanding, but still are conservative.

I'm just struggling to figure out how I feel and if I'm really bi or whats going on. I really want to be able to talk to people in my life about it, but I'm just super scared and I know I can't.

[Remi]

Hello @raisinbranconsumer

 

It's SO normal to explore your sexuality at this age and question whether you may be bisexual, it's an important part of coming to terms with your sexuality in any capacity. Over half of us don't identify as 100% straight anyway and sexuality is super fluid. Don't feel as though you have to label yourself or put yourself in any kind of boxes. If you want to just chat and work through what you are feeling you could talk to your local LBGT+ group first or you could just open up a conversation with your friends by asking, have you ever questioned your sexuality at all, this could be a really great litmus test to see what their reactions may be and how deep you could go with the conversation, do you think this is something you would feel confident doing.

 

No matter what, your sexuality and identity are normal and valid and you should be proud of who you are. Let us know how it goes if you do choose to speak to anyone.

 

Sending positivity your way,

 

Remi