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Is it really okay to be like this?


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I don't look the way I'm supposed to. I can recall plenty of experiences since 4th or 5th grade where I've been told that I'd never be liked because i don't look like a girl, and that i might as well get surgery to complete the package, and I'd be lying if i said that it hasn't affected me ever since. Being 16 means I'm much more vulnurable to the opinions of others and myself, and highschool doesn't make it very easy. I can't help compare myself to all of the females i see around me, they're the ideal. They're what a girl is naturally meant to look like. Despite my attraction toward them, i can't help but feel so envious. I'm the shemale, and it's so hard and i feel so alone because I've never heard anyone else complain about this.

I'm the girl who the guys completely disregard, the one who wouldn't be seen as delicate or gentle because of the way I'm awkwardly built.

I'm the girl who doesn't get counted as one, i can remember my own brothers picking on me about it, my mom saying that when i wear wigs i look like a man in drag, hell even my fucking body is below average. At this point it doesn't even bother me as badly from the amount of times I've been reminded, just causes mild discomfort. Everytime someone says i look like my dad, i can feel my mood drop just a little, but i know it's true. I can't fit certain clothes other girls can or wear them as correctly, my voice is deeper and raspier. I don't think I'll ever see myself as anything remotely female, i think deep down it'll always feel like somewhere along the way during my mom's pregnancy god fucked up, but I'm tired of feeling so insecure, I'm tired of being frustrated with myself when i know it's not my fault, I'm tired of feeling so unsure and so unlovable. It hurts, so i want to make it better, i want to feel like it's okay to be in this kind of body. To be something like me, is it really alright? Is it okay to be confident being the way i am?

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