I messed up!

[Muyiwa1801]

Hi, my name is Oluwamuyiwa, I've been in my relationship for 8 years. Clearly first 3 years was bullshit we were young and I had this youthful lust, I cheated a couple of times, most times it's the girls that always come for me and who was I to say NO to beautiful girls? Babe never left me, she loved me so much. Four years back I came to my senses and I decided never to cheat anymore but then the problem started right there. She's now filled with apathy, no warmth, all boring relationship just when I thought we could become better. I worked so hard to make things work but she just won't give in, apologies never stopped, chats became shallow, she stopped calling and never bothers if I don't . At a point I gave up saying she's just so unforgiving (fact tho) things got worse by the day. I almost meant nothing her, anytime I try to talk about our relationship she gets angry and I'm always at her mercy.

 

Two days ago she left me in her room went to the stairs to make a call, I asked her why she would do that and the reply was scary, I left her house in anger only for me to get voice notes about those things I did 4 years ago and how she's lost respect for me. I'm just so confused and I'm loosing myself, I love her so much and I want her back.

[Blondie]

HI MUYIWA@1801,

 

Thanks for sharing so honestly and it does look like from your parter's perspective that she doesn't feel the same anymore. Although this is really hard to cope with, it can happen in relationships anyway whether there has been issues or cheating, some just don't work out.

 

It's a positive that you have wanted to change and make things right. Maybe try again and have a really honest conversation with her to find out how she sees your future together. Really listen to her and then find out exactly what steps that will take - if there is a possibility, be patient and put the time in as she sounds like a lovely person who is worth it.

 

It's important to own our behaviour (both good and poor) and take responsibility for mistakes we've made. However, this doesn't always guarantee that we will be forgiven or even if we are, that the other person will be open to moving forward as a couple.

 

If it turns out she doesn't see a future, then all you can do is move forward with more knowledge and understanding for future relationships.

 

Do you think you can speak to her about it?

[Muyiwa1801]

Thank you so much Blondie, that part you said "i may be forgiven but my partner may not want to continue" got me but then I appreciate you for being honest.

I've tried talking to her a couple of times she wouldn't say a word. Sometimes ago I stopped talking to her and she called to apologise for how she's been treating me with disrespect and how she's been so apathetic all through and she's never thought about her future without me. I gladly accepted the apology (it's always been that way since we started the relationship I don't allow my anger linger for hours but she wouldn't do the same for me) but it wasn't up to a week she went back to the same attitude so I'm just confused about the whole thing. Like she doesn't know what she wants it she's being eaten up by something but she's too secretive.

 

I really don't know what to do

[Blondie]

It sounds like you need clarity either way. There's only so long this can drift along like this - if the relationship is sadly over then you can think about drawing a line under it and move forward, heal and look for someone to share your life with (if that's what you would like to do).

 

I hope you get a resolution soon.