Family drama

[Insideout2003]

Hello everyone I was just wondering have you got any advice in my family right now there is a bit of drama my cousins 2 kids are in my mom’s care and the other 5 are in my mom’s sister in laws care. I am very close to my cousin but she’s struggling at the moment because her kids have been took off her but because I’m close to her and I have an attachment with her I kind of tell her things because I’m close to her she struggles with her mental health I think she has split personality disorder. I’m getting the blame if they go into care but my mom is the one who gossips and sends the two kids to the family friends house that my cousin doesn’t like anymore she doesn’t like her anymore the family friend is one of her kids goddaughters but I don’t like the family friend and my cousin doesn’t either. She doesn’t want her to have one of her kids which is meant to be her goddaughter but they have fell out and she hates her now and so do I but my mom is suddenly best friends with the family friend .
 Recently my cousin hasn’t been answering me for a few weeks she said her phone was being cut off  and she’s going to pay the bill on Saturday but that was a few weekends ago and I found out she’s been talking to other people so she lied to me  about her phone and I got really angry 

 

I think my cousins mom is my aunty because my mom’s brother  married my cousins mom I met my five other cousins on Saturday at her house I thought she had a problem with me but she said it’s not you it’s your mom and the family friend 

Edited June 24 by Insideout2003

[Insideout2003]

Could I please have some advice I feel overwhelmed right now

[Luie]

On 6/24/2024 at 8:33 PM, Insideout2003 said:

Hello everyone I was just wondering have you got any advice in my family right now there is a bit of drama my cousins 2 kids are in my mom’s care and the other 5 are in my mom’s sister in laws care. I am very close to my cousin but she’s struggling at the moment because her kids have been took off her but because I’m close to her and I have an attachment with her I kind of tell her things because I’m close to her she struggles with her mental health I think she has split personality disorder. I’m getting the blame if they go into care but my mom is the one who gossips and sends the two kids to the family friends house that my cousin doesn’t like anymore she doesn’t like her anymore the family friend is one of her kids goddaughters but I don’t like the family friend and my cousin doesn’t either. She doesn’t want her to have one of her kids which is meant to be her goddaughter but they have fell out and she hates her now and so do I but my mom is suddenly best friends with the family friend .
 Recently my cousin hasn’t been answering me for a few weeks she said her phone was being cut off  and she’s going to pay the bill on Saturday but that was a few weekends ago and I found out she’s been talking to other people so she lied to me  about her phone and I got really angry 

I think my cousins mom is my aunty because my mom’s brother  married my cousins mom I met my five other cousins on Saturday at her house I thought she had a problem with me but she said it’s not you it’s your mom and the family friend 

 

Heyy @Insideout2003, Luie here, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label. I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough situation right now. It sounds like there’s a lot of family drama and complicated emotions involved and I totally see why you're feeling overwhelmed. It’s completely normal to feel upset and confused when there are so many different dynamics at play. 

It’s clear to me that you care deeply about your cousin and her children, and it’s understandable that you feel hurt and angry about her not answering your messages and lying about her phone. It’s also really tough when you’re caught in the middle of family conflicts, especially when you have strong feelings about the people involved. Given everything that's happening, how are you feeling about the situation with your cousin and your mom? It sounds like you’re in a really tough spot. Is there anyone in your family you feel you can talk to about all this who might understand or be able to help?

Also, I was wondering, how do you feel about the way your mom is handling things with the family friend and your cousin's kids? It’s important to make sure your feelings are heard too, especially when it comes to family matters that affect you so much.

Here for you, let's navigate this together! 

 

[Insideout2003]

Hey @Luie thank you for responding to me 

yes it is very overwhelming I feel like I am stuck in the middle of it all now I feel like my mom’s sister in law doesn’t like me I can just feel it. 
 

I really do hope my cousin gets her kids back because they all love their mom and my cousin loves them all to bits too. It is just the state of the house and something else but she’s sorted the house  now so hopefully they do and go back. 

My mom and my cousin used to be close and now they aren’t and now I feel awkward because I’m close to my cousin and so I’m stuck in the middle of it but I feel like an idiot because she’s not answered me in weeks now. I normally talk to her about things but she’s not answering me.

i feel like her mom my moms sister in law dosent like me and i feel a bit upset about that because i do actually want to see her as my auntie because my uncle and her got married so she probably is technically my auntie. I just want to be close with her too but don’t feel like she likes me. 

My mom said they tell lies to make you believe stuff I just wish they wouldn’t lie about things because I do want to be close to her aswell . 
 

I try to get close to my cousin’s  sister so my other cousin but we used to argue so it doesn’t work.

I’ve been invited to a curry next week at my mom’s sister in laws house but I don’t know if she will cancel on me I hope not because I could see my other 5 cousins that she’s looking after at the moment. I have the toddler and the baby and having two babies in the house is a handful but I do love them

[Luie]

On 6/27/2024 at 11:25 PM, Insideout2003 said:

Hey @Luie thank you for responding to me 

yes it is very overwhelming I feel like I am stuck in the middle of it all now I feel like my mom’s sister in law doesn’t like me I can just feel it. 
 

I really do hope my cousin gets her kids back because they all love their mom and my cousin loves them all to bits too. It is just the state of the house and something else but she’s sorted the house  now so hopefully they do and go back. 

My mom and my cousin used to be close and now they aren’t and now I feel awkward because I’m close to my cousin and so I’m stuck in the middle of it but I feel like an idiot because she’s not answered me in weeks now. I normally talk to her about things but she’s not answering me.

i feel like her mom my moms sister in law dosent like me and i feel a bit upset about that because i do actually want to see her as my auntie because my uncle and her got married so she probably is technically my auntie. I just want to be close with her too but don’t feel like she likes me. 

My mom said they tell lies to make you believe stuff I just wish they wouldn’t lie about things because I do want to be close to her aswell . 
 

I try to get close to my cousin’s  sister so my other cousin but we used to argue so it doesn’t work.

I’ve been invited to a curry next week at my mom’s sister in laws house but I don’t know if she will cancel on me I hope not because I could see my other 5 cousins that she’s looking after at the moment. I have the toddler and the baby and having two babies in the house is a handful but I do love them

 

It’s totally understandable that you feel overwhelmed and stuck in the middle of everything @Insideout2003. Family dynamics can be really complicated, especially when there’s tension and conflict. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of concern for your cousin and her kids, and it’s great that you care so much about their well-being, that's so empathetic of you 

I totally hear you, it can also be tough when you sense that someone doesn’t like you, especially when it’s someone you want to be close to, like your mom’s sister-in-law. It’s normal to feel upset about that. It sounds like you’re trying to build a bridge, and that’s really admirable. Your desire to be close to your cousin and the rest of your family shows how much you value those relationships. It's disappointing that your cousin hasn't been responding, but it might help to remember that she’s probably going through a lot herself. It’s not a reflection on you or your relationship with her. 

Also, I was thinking going to the curry next week could be a good opportunity to spend time with your other cousins and maybe even connect with your mom’s sister-in-law. It’s understandable to feel anxious about whether it will happen, but it sounds like you really want to make the effort, and that’s what counts. But how are you feeling about going to the curry next week? Do you think it might help to talk to your mom’s sister-in-law directly about how you’re feeling (Is this a possibility)?

 

[Insideout2003]

@luisI have a feeling she will cancel on me I don’t know how to start the conversation off also but I have a feeling she will actually cancel on me :(

[Luie]

On 7/2/2024 at 2:06 PM, Insideout2003 said:

@luisI have a feeling she will cancel on me I don’t know how to start the conversation off also but I have a feeling she will actually cancel on me :(

 

I can totally see why you’re feeling worried about her cancelling on you @Insideout2003. It’s really tough to feel uncertain about plans, especially when you’re looking forward to them and hoping to connect with family.

Starting the conversation can be daunting, but maybe you could send her a message saying something like, “Hi , I’m really looking forward to the curry next week and seeing everyone. Is everything still on for that day?” This way, you’re expressing your enthusiasm and also gently confirming the plans. If she does cancel, try not to take it personally. There could be many reasons unrelated to you. If it happens, maybe you could suggest rescheduling for another time. It’s important to show that you’re still interested in spending time together, even if things don’t go as planned.

How would you feel about sending her a message like that? Also, if the curry night doesn’t happen, is there another way you might be able to spend time with your cousins? Maybe a different activity or setting where you feel more comfortable?

I do wanna say that it is okay to express your feelings and let her know you want to be closer to her and the rest of the family. It’s a sign of your commitment to building these relationships, and that’s a really positive thing 

 

[Insideout2003]

@Luiehello the curry wasn’t cancelled it was okay I still feel like my first cousin  and my aunty are faking to like me my mom said they all tell lies to me also my second  cousins mom is ignoring me because I think she didn’t like it when I told her she’s got a controlling boyfriend so she’s ignoring me and answering everyone else because I got my friend to call her and she answered her but she’s ignoring me on purpose:(

Edited July 8 by Insideout2003

[Luie]

2 hours ago, Insideout2003 said:

@Luiehello the curry wasn’t cancelled it was okay I still feel like my first cousin and my aunty are faking to like me my mom said they all tell lies to me also my cousins mom is ignoring me because I think she didn’t like it when I told her she’s got a controlling boyfriend so she’s ignoring me and answering everyone else because I got my friend to call her and she answered her but she’s ignoring me on purpose:(

 

I'm really glad to hear that the curry wasn’t cancelled and that it went okay @Insideout2003. It must have been nice to see everyone, even if it felt a bit strained. It’s really hard when you feel like people might not be genuine with you, and it can be even more painful when someone you care about is ignoring you.

It sounds like you’re in a tough spot with your cousin’s mom and her boyfriend. It can be difficult to navigate those conversations, especially if she felt hurt or defensive. It’s understandable that you’re feeling hurt by her ignoring you and answering others. Have you thought about writing her a message explaining how you feel? Sometimes, putting your thoughts down can help clarify your feelings and also give the other person a chance to understand where you’re coming from. You could say something like, “I care about you and our relationship, and it hurts that we’re not talking. I’m sorry if what I said upset you, but I only mentioned it because I’m concerned.” Does this sound like it'll be helpful?

Also, was wondering how are you feeling about your relationship with your first cousin and your aunt?  Is there anything specific that makes you feel like they’re not being genuine?