Probably no one can relate to this, but...

[Willow]

Hey ghghgh!

 

I'm really happy you found us. I know a lot of people are working to build friendships, and connections with people they're attracted to. They may have not have the physical obstacles you've had, but things like overcoming the effects of bullying and relationships are difficult for a massive amount of people, from all genders and walks of life!

 

It's great that you're working on your self-esteem... your journey has been incredible. Now that the physical stuff has been taken care of (for the most part), it's time to work on the social and emotional.

 

I know it's easy to want to rush into having romantic connections with girls... and 20 years old, it's a likely thing... but it sounds like just even having female friendships would be a great start. Because you mentioned having a hard time talking to women, I was curious about what you worries you about conversations with them?

 

I can tell you're very intelligent, and have a sense of humor.. what are some other qualities your friends would say you have? What kinds of things do you do for fun?

 

I'm curious about the sexual harrassment complaint, as well... what did your manager say about it? Any more details? That situation with that person may have been the last straw on the camels back, so to say, for her.. so could you look back and think of other scenarios that might have been misinterpreted?

 

Looking forward to chatting further!

 

-willow

[ghghgh]

Hi Willow. Thanks for replying. I honestly wasn't sure which category to post that under because it fits under so many (sexuality & dating, friendships, family, bullying, gender, and so forth). With regards to that complaint, nothing ever came of it and the next day, she said something like "You seem nice and I forgive people if they're nice". So I thought, "Well I still don't know I did anything to be forgiven for, but whatever" and I moved on

 

I think my biggest problem with interacting with people is that I come off as "too intense" allot of the time. For example, in first meeting some girl earlier this year, I started talking about some battle in World War 2 that was won with the likes of mustard gas, as I was to go on a class trip to that battlefield just a few weeks later However, the conversation ended not long after because I have I feeling she thought something like "I just met you when I was grabbing a coffee, why are you telling me about mustard gas" or something to that effect. Another time, I said something to some roommates of mine (not long after I met them) when we were playing cards, which they took as "too competitive" (like, 'I'm better than you') or something to that effect and that wasn't how it was intended at all. So I apologized, but when we continued, I had my head down and couldn't look them in the eyes because I felt bad about it, so when I finally looked up, I could tell I was making them uncomfortable. Furthermore, when I go to clubs and stuff, I try to fit in and jump around, but I always feel like I'm not doing it right, or at least as well as everyone else is, seeing as the other guys are who everyone tends to gravitate to, including the females. On top of this, I've also received comments like "You look so intense" before (allot of the time when I'm not even trying to be).

 

Also, you said I have a great sense of humour and thank you for that, but I think that's something else I've got to work on, cuz I can make my friends laugh since they get me, but trying to do so with people I don't know that well comes off as awkward, I find. So I guess there's a number of things I need to work on with socializing.

 

In terms of what I like doing for fun, I enjoy ping pong, soccer & hockey, as well as movie & tv shows. And I also love music (listening to it & going to concerts). But yeah, that's some more about me anyways.

Edited January 9, 2019 by ghghgh

[Willow]

Heya ghghgh,

 

I think it's right to have posted it here.. especially since dating is something you're looking to do! It's a goal of yours to have healthy relationships-- and work toward healthy relationships is more condensed in relationships. Maybe if you feel you'd like to post in the "Body Appearance" section about your surgeries-- maybe others will be able to relate, if they've gone through similar things. I'd love for you to find other members to talk about adventures of physical changes, like that!

 

Wow, thanks for the rest of that story with your co-worker. What they said after doesn't make much sense, you're right. I'm sorry you went through that roller coaster without much explaination.

 

I'm noticing that you like sharing information... maybe feel like you talk to much? An exercise that might help is developing your active listening skills-- show interest in what interests them. If you have responses/comments, that's great, as long as they keep the conversation flowing.

 

When you are speaking on here, your thoughts and flow is very readable. Do your real-life conversations look different? There needs to be a bit more space for a back and forth, in real life scenarios. But it sounds like you've done a great deal of reflection on your actions, and try to change for the better. I don't want you to be afraid to speak about things of interest... your worries that you've 'lost' them in the conversation are feelings I've had, too, and it's stopped me from talking, all together, sometimes.

 

Have you spoken to your friends about the things your working on? Do they have more 'success' in relationships? Or are they in a similar boat to you?

 

You know... I really encourage you to continue being yourself. It's okay that you don't 'fit in' with 'social norms' at places like the club. You need to enjoy your life-- and if you're not hurting anyone, follow that joy. Sure. many people are afraid of stepping out of those social norms, which is why people may not come up to you in the club... but to me, that means that's not the place to meet someone.

 

As for the competitiveness-- I appreciate rule following, though at some times it needs to be gauged whether it benefits the group if I become a rule hound over something. I have been working to enjoy the game as it is... feeling more comfortable with whatever outcome happens. As long as people are having a good time, that's a successful game night! But props to you for recognizing, in the moment, that the competitiveness was putting strain on the fun-- that's really incredible!

 

I guess they mean you have an intense 'look'? There's a lot of people who have that 'resting bitch face' (haha), and it takes a lot of effort to have a more relaxed, and inviting face. I spend a lot of time, especially when listening to people, having an engaged look, and a slight smile.

 

Hope these tips are helpful!

 

-willow