chrissy_x0 Posted April 17, 2023 Share Posted April 17, 2023 ( sorry this is so long! ) so my friend that i'll call 'T' is really rude, and i'll tell you why. they're gay and non-binary, and i have no problem at all with that. so i honestly really like anime, so we watch it together. once, we were watching anime and outside the window was a couple holding hands and talking. i thought it was adorable so i said, "awww." T said, "ew, straight people." i was offended because that was just so rude. i told them that they shouldnt say that and it's really offensive. T said, laughing, that it was a 'joke' and i shouldn't take it so seriously. there was another time we were again watching anime and there was only straight people in it, but i didn't think that T would care. maybe 6 minutes in to the anime, T said that they didn't like they anime and we should watch heaven's official blessing. i really liked it so i asked why. they said that there was too many straight people and it was disgusting. i said "dude thats so rude! you can't say that." T told me to not get in my feelings abt it. i told them that i'm done watching anime because they think only people that are gay can be in anime. once again, we were at T's house and we were watching an anime that had mostly lgbtq+, and i really enjoyed it, and there was a straight couple and T said that they are so disgusting. i asked them why they thought that. they said straight people are kinda disgusting, NO OFFENSE. T also thinks he can just try and change my sexuality. i was hanging out with these 2 girls, and they left to go back home and T said, "ooohh, you like them?" i said no because i had no interest in them and they are just friends to me. T said, "oooh, lesbiannn, don't worry, i support you." i said, "T, i'm not lesbian, can you please stop? you know that i don't like these 'jokes' you make." T told me, " i should stop being straight and be part of lgbtq+ because it's a lot of fun." i told them no and they got MAD. i honestly don't know what to do. i can't just befriend him bc i've known them for so long, and it's hard to just dump somebody. WHAT DO I DO?! 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Kai_ Posted April 17, 2023 Share Posted April 17, 2023 This post was recognized by Catsup! _Kai_ was awarded the badge 'Great Advice' 16 minutes ago, chrissy_x0 said: ( sorry this is so long! ) so my friend that i'll call 'T' is really rude, and i'll tell you why. they're gay and non-binary, and i have no problem at all with that. so i honestly really like anime, so we watch it together. once, we were watching anime and outside the window was a couple holding hands and talking. i thought it was adorable so i said, "awww." T said, "ew, straight people." i was offended because that was just so rude. i told them that they shouldnt say that and it's really offensive. T said, laughing, that it was a 'joke' and i shouldn't take it so seriously. there was another time we were again watching anime and there was only straight people in it, but i didn't think that T would care. maybe 6 minutes in to the anime, T said that they didn't like they anime and we should watch heaven's official blessing. i really liked it so i asked why. they said that there was too many straight people and it was disgusting. i said "dude thats so rude! you can't say that." T told me to not get in my feelings abt it. i told them that i'm done watching anime because they think only people that are gay can be in anime. once again, we were at T's house and we were watching an anime that had mostly lgbtq+, and i really enjoyed it, and there was a straight couple and T said that they are so disgusting. i asked them why they thought that. they said straight people are kinda disgusting, NO OFFENSE. T also thinks he can just try and change my sexuality. i was hanging out with these 2 girls, and they left to go back home and T said, "ooohh, you like them?" i said no because i had no interest in them and they are just friends to me. T said, "oooh, lesbiannn, don't worry, i support you." i said, "T, i'm not lesbian, can you please stop? you know that i don't like these 'jokes' you make." T told me, " i should stop being straight and be part of lgbtq+ because it's a lot of fun." i told them no and they got MAD. i honestly don't know what to do. i can't just befriend him bc i've known them for so long, and it's hard to just dump somebody. WHAT DO I DO?! Honestly thats 100% a toxic friend, straight or lgbtqia+ they shouldnt judge & thats just it. Do you have any ways of making them actually understand how u feel? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catsup Posted April 18, 2023 Share Posted April 18, 2023 4 hours ago, chrissy_x0 said: ( sorry this is so long! ) so my friend that i'll call 'T' is really rude, and i'll tell you why. they're gay and non-binary, and i have no problem at all with that. so i honestly really like anime, so we watch it together. once, we were watching anime and outside the window was a couple holding hands and talking. i thought it was adorable so i said, "awww." T said, "ew, straight people." i was offended because that was just so rude. i told them that they shouldnt say that and it's really offensive. T said, laughing, that it was a 'joke' and i shouldn't take it so seriously. there was another time we were again watching anime and there was only straight people in it, but i didn't think that T would care. maybe 6 minutes in to the anime, T said that they didn't like they anime and we should watch heaven's official blessing. i really liked it so i asked why. they said that there was too many straight people and it was disgusting. i said "dude thats so rude! you can't say that." T told me to not get in my feelings abt it. i told them that i'm done watching anime because they think only people that are gay can be in anime. once again, we were at T's house and we were watching an anime that had mostly lgbtq+, and i really enjoyed it, and there was a straight couple and T said that they are so disgusting. i asked them why they thought that. they said straight people are kinda disgusting, NO OFFENSE. T also thinks he can just try and change my sexuality. i was hanging out with these 2 girls, and they left to go back home and T said, "ooohh, you like them?" i said no because i had no interest in them and they are just friends to me. T said, "oooh, lesbiannn, don't worry, i support you." i said, "T, i'm not lesbian, can you please stop? you know that i don't like these 'jokes' you make." T told me, " i should stop being straight and be part of lgbtq+ because it's a lot of fun." i told them no and they got MAD. i honestly don't know what to do. i can't just befriend him bc i've known them for so long, and it's hard to just dump somebody. WHAT DO I DO?! Hi, I'm Catsup, one of the support mentors here. It really sounds like your friend is making comments that bother you, and not listening to how you're feeling about them. @_Kai_ gave a really great perspective on this. I wonder too, is this something you could talk to your friend about at all? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrissy_x0 Posted April 18, 2023 Author Share Posted April 18, 2023 17 hours ago, _Kai_ said: Honestly thats 100% a toxic friend, straight or lgbtqia+ they shouldnt judge & thats just it. Do you have any ways of making them actually understand how u feel? yes, i do. i've told them to stop making those jokes because it's offensive, and they just don't listen! i feel like i've run out of ideas. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrissy_x0 Posted April 18, 2023 Author Share Posted April 18, 2023 12 hours ago, Catsup said: Hi, I'm Catsup, one of the support mentors here. It really sounds like your friend is making comments that bother you, and not listening to how you're feeling about them. @_Kai_ gave a really great perspective on this. I wonder too, is this something you could talk to your friend about at all? i mean i guess i could, but it's quite awkward, if you know what i mean. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catsup Posted April 20, 2023 Share Posted April 20, 2023 On 4/18/2023 at 7:58 AM, chrissy_x0 said: i mean i guess i could, but it's quite awkward, if you know what i mean. Yeah I do know what you mean. It could be awkward, but talking in private and calmly could be your last attempt to let your friend know how you feel. Of course, you don't have to talk to them if you don't think they will listen, or you don't think it makes sense. The other option is to simply hang out with them less, or not at all. What keeps you in the friendship with this person? Do you think the friend is worth keeping? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrissy_x0 Posted April 20, 2023 Author Share Posted April 20, 2023 (edited) 17 hours ago, Catsup said: Yeah I do know what you mean. It could be awkward, but talking in private and calmly could be your last attempt to let your friend know how you feel. Of course, you don't have to talk to them if you don't think they will listen, or you don't think it makes sense. The other option is to simply hang out with them less, or not at all. What keeps you in the friendship with this person? Do you think the friend is worth keeping? yeah, i think so. despite their disrespectful jokes, T is an awesome friend. i also have a lot of other friends in the neighborhood, and they're also great friends with T. it wouldn't work out if i befriended them because it would cause a lot of problems in the neighborhood, and i don't want that to happen. Edited April 20, 2023 by chrissy_x0 autocorrect MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catsup Posted April 21, 2023 Share Posted April 21, 2023 6 hours ago, chrissy_x0 said: yeah, i think so. despite their disrespectful jokes, T is an awesome friend. i also have a lot of other friends in the neighborhood, and they're also great friends with T. it wouldn't work out if i befriended them because it would cause a lot of problems in the neighborhood, and i don't want that to happen. Hey it sounds like you're certain the friendship is worth keeping. I'm glad to hear T is a good friend otherwise and maybe you could keep that in mind with any conversations you have with them. Do you think the jokes are something you could let slide? Depending on how much they bother you, it's really up to you how you handle them, as long as it's done respectfully. What do you think? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrissy_x0 Posted April 21, 2023 Author Share Posted April 21, 2023 13 hours ago, Catsup said: Hey it sounds like you're certain the friendship is worth keeping. I'm glad to hear T is a good friend otherwise and maybe you could keep that in mind with any conversations you have with them. Do you think the jokes are something you could let slide? Depending on how much they bother you, it's really up to you how you handle them, as long as it's done respectfully. What do you think? well yeah i guess, but T wouldn't like if i made fun of their sexuality, which is why i'm questioning why they do this. but, i do suppose i can let them slide with the jokes. but if they make more if these jokes in the future, what should i tell them? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catsup Posted April 21, 2023 Share Posted April 21, 2023 Every time you have tried to tell T that you didn't like their jokes, it was probably right after they said them, am I correct? It might take a separate conversation with them to make them realize how much this bothers you. What do you think about finding a good time and place to talk to them when neither of you are feeling annoyed? For what to say, it could help in any conflict to start by asking for permission to talk about something important in private, bringing up the problem and how it affects you, asking to find a solution together, and then emphasizing that their friendship is important to you. Do you think all those steps make sense for you in this situation? Or are there changes you would make? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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