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How can I ask her out?


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I'm bisexual and I've been wanting to ask a girl in my class out for a while now. I think she likes me too but I'm not sure. She's my best friend, and I don't want to ruin that relationship by asking her out and making her uncomfortable. She's gay but neither of us has told anybody but each other, and if we do start goin out, I'm afraid of how our friends and family will react. How should I ask her out, or should I at all.

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  • Ditch the Label Staff

Hey thefrenciestfry and welcome to DTL. I'm going to start by just saying that I've literally been in the exact same situation as you are in right now and it can be tough. If you're anything like me, this is no doubt playing on your mind a lot and I'm guessing you've thought a lot about different potential scenarios.

 

I'm seeing 2 main things in your message but let me know if I'm wrong:

 

1. Figuring out if she's into you and how to approach it

2. Coming out to your friends and family.

 

On the first point, so that I can help you more - have you ever skirted around the issue with you? Do you flirt or has she ever flirted with you? How close is your friendship? Like do you talk about everything, do you fall out often?

 

With regards to coming out - is this something you want to talk about and something you feel is the right thing to do right now?

 

Let me know,

 

Harper x

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Hey Harper,

Thanks for the reply. We have been flirting a bit, I think. I'm not the best in social situations but I googled what flirting is like and that's sort of what we do. We're always complementing each other and whenever I compliment her she blushes really hard (She's really pale) and she smiles (she has the cutest smile). She hugs me sometimes when I'm not expecting it and she cares a lot when I get hurt (It's adorable). She and I are really close friends. We've never had a major falling out except for once in like fifth grade and that only lasted like a day before be both caved and started to talk to each other again.

As for the coming out part, I'm not entirely sure. I want to tell my parents but my mother is a very strict catholic, I mean REALLY strict, and my dad is pretty traditional. He wants me to find a nice guy and settle down and have the perfect stereotypical life with my perfect stereotypical children. I just don't want them to be disappointed in me, ya know. I know they love me, but I also know what happens when I don't reach their expectations. I just don't know what to do in terms of coming out to them.

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  • Ditch the Label Staff

Hola!

Well that sounds positive - you clearly have a strong bond and friendship which is always a good foundation. If I were you, I'd talk to her about how you feel. Start off by telling her that you really value her as a friend and would absolutely never do anything to risk the friendship, and tell her that you do have feelings for her and ask how she feels about you. Make sure that she doesn't feel pressured into replicating and make sure that she knows that you still want to maintain the friendship if she doesn't feel the same.

 

I know how scary it can be - but nothing ventured, nothing gained! In the best case scenario, she will feel the same. If she doesn't, please try not to take it personally. I know if really hurts, but we all experience rejection sometimes - it's just part of growing up. Let me know how you get on.

 

In terms of coming out to your parents, can I ask how old you are? Do you have plans to goto college or anything like that?

 

Harper :)x

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Oh my God! So I asked her out and she said yes. Apparently, she's had a crush on me for a while, and she was really glad when I asked. Thank you for the advice harper. Sorry, I just realized that I've been getting your name wrong. I'm not the best with names. Everything worked out okay on that end. Now I just need to worry about coming out to my family.

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  • 3 months later...

THEFRENCHIESTFRY-

 

I liked a girl for a while (i'm a girl), but never said anything because I thought she was straight. Then, I just went for it and told her I liked her. It turns out she is bi! She said she thought I was straight but now things are worked out and yay! Thank you so much THEFRENCHIESTFRY, you helped me realized that I just needed to do it.

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