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Looking for advice on my marriage


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Sorry everyone but accidentally clicked post before being done posting,

to continue the story, I am just wanting some feedback to some of our issues that we seem to not being able to resolve. Alot of my issues come from not feeling properly loved by my wife. I want more quality time spent together as well as physical touch. When those needs are not met I begin to become jealous as well as accuse her of cheating on me because I dont feel loved by her. I was able to figure out through therapy that it comes from insecurities from harsh words and actions from my wife to me. Things like taking off her ring and throwing them and calling me lousy in bed in an argument or telling me that if I cant meet her needs shell just find somebody else to do.it (though she has not said this while discussing sex) In my head when she called me lousy in bed I ended up connecting the two and get more insecure.So this has gone on a few times within our relationship but has never been as bad as it is now. Worst thing now is that she did cheat on me now. Or at least that's what I am calling it. She begs to differ. She ended up sexting another man that was a friend of mine as well as sending pictures of herself in her bra to him. Which brings me to my next question, was it cheating or not? Some feedback would really help me in this situation. I only found out because the guys wife found the messages. She also meet him at a park and lied to my face about seeing him when I asked if she had run into him at work since he worked in the same neighborhood (she is a branch manager and was covering for the week) I always thought we were more open then that and that she wouldn't have hidden it nor deleted the messages. She was able to recover them which I needed to see in order to try to move forward. I also want to add at this point that prior to this instance the accusations got more frequent because my wife had begun to show signs of cheating. Not being intimate with me, working late, changing her appearance( though found out through therapy that it came from esteem issues caused by the depression). Wanting to spend more time away for happy hour with co workers And always neglecting me and our children for her phone. She literally spent 30 min to 1 hr with our children and 1 hour with me per night. Sometimes none at all.

Which brings me to my next question, I wanted access to her phone because she had access to mine, again we were always open but all of a sudden she put passwords on her phone because at time I have gone through it when feeling insecure just toto see who and what she has been talking about since she wasn't really communicating with me. Which brings me to my next question, should couples have access to each other phones especially when both say they have nothing to hide?

So back to the whole cheating incident, after that I asked for total transparency and honesty. And for her to stop texting other men except co workers about work because prior to this incident she text another friend of mine and talked smack behind my back and I felt betrayed(something she agreed to do in therapy as well but as I've told she didn't) and even agreeing under no circumstances to..I also asked for her to deactivate he IG as well as spend more time and have more intimacy with me. She agreed to it all. It went well for a week and the then everything fell apart. She never deleted her ig, met another man behind my back( dropping off a co workers b day gift but didn't communicate it to me instead said she was working late) as well as texting another male co worker about her moms recently discovered breast cancer.I ended up throwing the sexting in her face ( something I promised I wouldn't do) because she went back on everything she promised me.

since then things have been real rocky and she has only been more secretive and not wanting to rebuild the trust. Thinks some of my requests and compromises are absurd and controlling. And not healthy for a relationship. That's where you guys come in, can I get some advice on my compromises.

Trust is not there for me and i don't believe my wife at the moment. She expressed that happy hours are important to her in therapy prior to the incident and through therapy I made a break through and began to trust her again. Then the incident happened and the trust was broken again. So now I have the request for her to send pictures of her location for happy hours as well as a curfew until the trust is built again. She refuses to do this and says it controlling of me. Is it an odd request to have to help rebuild trust asking her to prove to me that she is telling me the truth about her whereabouts by sending a picture to me?

another compromise I came up with was sex once a week and fellaciatio as well. Plus for every happy hour she wants she must plan a date for us to go on first.

I also still want full transparency as well but can honestly forgo it if I am truly feeling loved and trust her again. I just want her to recommit to me. Any feedback or advice will really help. Thanks in advance and feel free to ask any questions in case I left stuff out.

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