How do I be myself at school and come out to family and slightly homophobic friends?

[Marv]

I'm new to this site (thank god it exists) so if I'm posting this in the wrong place, forgive me.

Right. So, not long ago I told my best mate I was bi, he's cool with it. He's also trans and pansexual. I also stumbled upon a new, great friend who's lesbian, I've met her girlfriend too, I also found out my other close friend was bi too. So, I'm surrounded by good people. I came out to another close friend the other day, and it went great. But I'm struggling to be myself at school. Myself and my trans friend have now got into a relationship, too, and we have to pretend we're not in said relationship at school. This is getting super hard to maintain, we want to hold hands and cuddle all the time, and I want to be bisexual. But I also recently found that my other friends have a bit of a thing against LGBTQ+. Generally, they respect it. But they'll joke about it and say 'ew' to bisexuality, or one friend said that if you're lesbian, bi, what ever, then you're 'confused'. I have a bi tshirt and a pride necklace. I also have a bi badge. I'm scared to wear them all at once. I've worn the shirt and neckalce. I haven't put the badge on that says I'm bi. So, how do I be myself and go out with my trans friend? I don't care in the long run about losing those people, but I am in a class with them. It'd also hurt, too, because one of them hugs me, she says she loves me as a friend all the time, I'm worried if I come out, she'll stop doing all that. Do I own it and say f**k it to what they think? - which is what I should do. Or keep it hidden? Introduce it slowly? Or strut in with my bi shirt, pride necklace and bi badge?

I'm also tempted to tell my mom about my bisexuality, and we also want to tell people/my mom/family about our relationship, because it's getting tricky to hide. Any advice? Sorry it's so long... Thank you!!

Edited April 11, 2019 by Marv

[Remi]

Hey there @Marv

 

Welcome to our community, we are super happy you made it here too.

 

I'm glad you had a positive reaction when you spoke to your friend about being bi. It's really important to have a good support network around you at this time.

 

Congrats on the new relationship. I think you should try and speak to these people honestly and openly and tell them about your sexuality and how proud you are and how you would like to be open about it, you may be surprised by their reaction. And as you said, if they don't want to accept you, are they really your friends. If you let them know that you make each other happy then that's all that matters. I feel if you just wear the badge then some people may not fully get what this means to you and what you would like them to know. Remember you have each other to support one another through it. Could you get a few people together and tell them?

 

As for family, what do you predict their reaction to be?

 

-Remi

 

 

[Marv]

@Remi That might be a good move. I'm sure someone would ask eventually too. They were a tad rude the other day and said 'tranny' which irritated my boyf. They're just a bit rude really I spose and don't respect the idea that there could be LGBT members in the room.. if me and my boyf come out about out relationship I'd just hope they wouldn't be like ''ew but he's actually.a girl' or whatever. A few people know about our relationship already and they think it's cute and special that it's us two .

As for family: my mom and dad and sisters (and a couple other relatives) didn't care my friend was trans and accepted him. They also know about my friend and her girlfriend and they don't care that that's her sexuality. Obviously they respect it but like they see it badly .So I'm very positive they'd be cool with it. It's scary, too, coz I'd be the first LGBT+ person in the entire family.

So do I go and own it?

 

Hope that all makes sense.

[dipsi333]

I'd own it in a way which shows how confident and happy you are in your life. Sometimes it's a good idea to tell a few people at a time when it comes to family (but obv you know them best) and you could lead with something positive like "I know you want me to be happy which is why I'm sharing this with you".

 

Always worth remembering though that sometimes with family, over the years they can have less of a 'filter' and might ask some blunt or clumsy questions. Don't pull back from requesting people be respectful and only answer what you're comfortable with - I guess remind anyone that asks a blunt question that heterosexual people don't have to navigate this. It does sound like they'd be really cool about it though but there's always google if they want to learn more and to be an ally.

[Marv]

@dipsi333

Thank you! I think small steps. I and my bf have subtly shared our relationship and my sexuality on Snapchat. I'm hoping some people picked up on it.

I think I'm confident in going to school and owning myself and our relationship. Just need to take the step.

Thank you so much!

[dipsi333]

Good luck with it all - keep us updated!

[Remi]

@Remi That might be a good move. I'm sure someone would ask eventually too. They were a tad rude the other day and said 'tranny' which irritated my boyf. They're just a bit rude really I spose and don't respect the idea that there could be LGBT members in the room.. if me and my boyf come out about out relationship I'd just hope they wouldn't be like ''ew but he's actually.a girl' or whatever. A few people know about our relationship already and they think it's cute and special that it's us two .

As for family: my mom and dad and sisters (and a couple other relatives) didn't care my friend was trans and accepted him. They also know about my friend and her girlfriend and they don't care that that's her sexuality. Obviously they respect it but like they see it badly .So I'm very positive they'd be cool with it. It's scary, too, coz I'd be the first LGBT+ person in the entire family.

So do I go and own it?

 

Hope that all makes sense.

Hey Marv, yes saying that work is really offensive I don't blame you or your bf for being irritated. It seems like they do get it then and are open to understanding but as dipsi said, it seems they are just a bit clumsy. It is totally up to you, no one needs to rush you out. Someone has to be the first I suppose but I get why it feels scary.

 

Are there any updates since we last spoke?