How do I deal with being gay and not being able to tell my homophobic parents?

[smolbeanchild]

Hey, my name is Izzy. I am a lesbian. It has been tough accepting who I am because I was raised to believe that being gay is a sin, but now that I don't believe that anymore, I am finally happy and confident in who I am. I have a few friends that are supportive of me but not being able to tell my parents really hurts. My parents and I already have a tough relationship going on so if I came out to them, it would get really bad and I'm scared I'll be abused. They are openly homophobic and not afraid to share how "disgusting" and "sinful" they think it is. I have been looking for resources that would help people like me but all I get are referrals to suicide hotlines and I'm not suicidal. I honestly have no clue how to deal with all of this, so some advice would really go a long way. Thanks <3

Edited April 4, 2019 by smolbeanchild

[Remi]

Hello @smolbeanchild

 

For starters we are really happy that you feel confident and happy about who you are. There is absolutely ZERO shame in being a lesbian.

 

I'm sorry to hear that people you clearly love are currently unaccepting of who you love. I can understand why this is distressing you. What kind of abuse are you referring to? If you at any point feel you are unsafe please don't wait and just call your local police.

 

If you know your parents will have a bad reaction it may be best to wait until you have left home or you know you do not need to be financially dependent on them.

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/coming-out-homophobic-parents/

 

Here is our guide on supporting you to come out, there are also lots of organisations that support LGBT youth.

 

-Remi

[smolbeanchild]

Thanks for the advice. I've decided not to come out to my parents. They are super Christian so they'd probably take me to see a pastor or someone to "pray the gay away" and my mom is already emotionally abusive which would make our relationship even more strained. The issue with not coming out is that even though it will keep me safe, I'm worried how it'll affect me. I've never really had to keep such a huge part of myself secret from them, so I don't know how to just go on pretending to be a "normal heterosexual" with them. Any thoughts?

[Remi]

Hey @smolbeanchild,

 

I understand why you made that decision. And I think we both know that we can't just 'pray the gay away' you were born who you are and you are right just the way you are. Yes our sexuality is an important part of us, but it is not the only part and your parents will love you for so many of your other amazing qualities.

 

Are you out to your friends? I found this helped me before I was out to my family knowing that at least I was 'out' to someone.

 

We are here if you need us.

 

Remi

 

 

[smolbeanchild]

Hey @smolbeanchild,

 

I understand why you made that decision. And I think we both know that we can't just 'pray the gay away' you were born who you are and you are right just the way you are. Yes our sexuality is an important part of us, but it is not the only part and your parents will love you for so many of your other amazing qualities.

 

Are you out to your friends? I found this helped me before I was out to my family knowing that at least I was 'out' to someone.

 

We are here if you need us.

 

Remi

 

I am out out to two friends but almost all my friends are Christian and don't believe in homosexuality. I go to a very small Christian school which makes it even harder to find people I can trust. Fortunately, my principal is actually very supportive of gay rights so I can talk to him, but he's pretty busy. I don't know how to find LGBT teens near me that are supportive.