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How do i get out of my past


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I had been dating a guy for last 3 years. He was my senior. We used to meet at his flat. He told me that before meeting me, he used to date multiple girls at a same time. He was a Casanova I would say. When we were in a relationship he never liked to hang out with me. Whenever I asked him to go out he always said "I want to spend quality time with you". He used to make plans with his friends. We hardly went for a date in past 3 years. He was my first boyfriend. Because he never liked to hang out with me was the main reason to get clashes and fights between us. I always forced me to have sex with him. Though I wasn't ready still I lost my verginity for him. After spending 2 years I asked him to take this relationship to a next level. I asked him to talk to his parents about our relationship. First time he said he wanted to settle to a different country for his career, I said I ll wait for him if he wants to do this for his career. Then he dropped the plan. Then on his birthday I posted a picture of him on social media and tagged him. He was so angry and told me that he doesn't like these things. But the irony was his other girl friends were posting pictures with him and he had no problem with it. Then after few months I asked him again to talk to his parents then he said his family is orthodox and he's not that open to them. He said when we plan to get married then he will discuss with them. But somewhere his behavior was getting worse day by day. He started acting weird. Whenever we had a fight he used to threaten me to end the relationship. But finally after completing 3 years in that relationship I asked if he wanted to talk to his parents its fine otherwise I need to end this drama here. I didn't support me, and acted like he's a victim and I am the one who never trusted him and ended up. But now I am not able to get rid of him. I still think about him. Our memories and everything.

 

Please help me to forget him.

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Hey Maninder02,

 

Thank you for your post and being so open about what has happened. I related to so much of it as I have had tricky relationships myself. I think it's fantastic you want to move on and I really respect you reaching out for some advice and support as this stuff is never easy and when we are struggling it takes courage to let someone know.

 

So I can help, it would be great to know a few more things. Are you still in contact with him at all? Does he live near you? As making sure you have the space to move on is important and it will only prolong the break up if you still have contact.

 

Dealing with break ups are hard on lots of different levels. What I have always found tough is that there is no time schedule to know when you will start to feel better and for a while it really does suck. This is pretty universal and means your human with the ability to feel and love which is a very good thing. It is much more, unhealthy to block/run/hide from uncomfortable feelings, they need to be felt if we are to work through them and learn from them. As mistakes we don't learn from annoying we are doomed to repeat.

 

What can you learn or take away from the relationship? I find it really helpful to see nothing is wasted and it helps change my perspective around painful events from the past.

 

The other area I think that is crucial to address is how poorly you were treated in this relationship. Generally, when we are treated badly it is because our self-esteem has got too low and we don't think we are worth being treated well at a sometimes unconscious level. How would you rate yours?

Also in your post I hear so much about him and how you think he feels and thinks but very little about how you feel about what happened. So how do you feel about what has happened?

 

Let me know.

 

Sending lots of support your way.

-peach311

 

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